My priest prescribed a circuit of crunches, flutter kicks, bicycles, and plank holds for the guilt I confessed about neglecting my stomach muscles during workouts.
I finally received my abs solution.
π︎ 30
π
︎ May 12 2021
When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, βHa! Thatβs not going to help!β
βSure, it does.β I said. βItβs the only way I can see the numbers.β
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Apr 06 2020
I was on the bathroom scales, sucking my stomach in.
Thinking I was trying to weigh less with this manouver, my wife commented, "I don't think that's going to help !!"
"Sure it does " I retorted "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
π︎ 45
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
When in a new relationship, does your stomach hurt because of the butterflies...
Or the farts you hold in.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 30 2020
Iβm not the mouth, the stomach, the small or large intestines
π︎ 38
π
︎ Aug 09 2020
Why did the cowβs stomach ached?
Because there was no more rumen it
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 10 2020
i went to the doctor's woth my parents, and found out i have tapeworms in my stomach. the doctor showed us some pictures of tapeworms. and both my parents fainted.
i guess ive got a stomach for it
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 14 2020
My wife always says the way to a manβs heart is through his stomachβ¦
Lovely woman.
Useless surgeon.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Sep 02 2017
My dear old grandmother always used to say the way to a man's heart was through his stomach,
which is why she lost her job as a cardiac surgeon.
π︎ 24
π
︎ Jan 27 2020
Today in veterinary class we learned that cows have 4 stomachs to digest the grasses they consume...
π︎ 52
π
︎ Dec 17 2019
My mother always used to say "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach"
Nice lady and all, I truly loved her, but a terrible surgeon
π︎ 17
π
︎ Feb 15 2020
Just found out I have a cold and the stomach flu.
Iβve got the Friday Night Blights
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 06 2020
A man was admitted to the hospital with 8 plastic horses in his stomach.
His condition is stable now.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 19 2018
Why did the bodybuilder pour wine on his stomach rather than drink it?
He was trying to abstain from alcohol
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jul 24 2019
This one felt like a punch in the stomach.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Nov 23 2018
Wife and son had the stomach virus just the day before his first birthday party
I told them "you better not be party poopers tomorrow"!
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Feb 07 2016
A woman sees her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.
βYou know thatβs not going to help, right?β she asks.
βSure, it will,β he says. βItβs the only way Iβll be able to see the numbers.β
π︎ 13
π
︎ Apr 19 2019
my dad has been having some stomach problems lately. while talking to my dad on the phone, I asked him "how is your stomach doing?"
he responded a bit sluggishly "eh, It's not doing too well."
me: "uh oh, why not?"
him: "I don't know man, everything I eat turns to shit."
:I
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Oct 04 2014
What did the police officer say to his stomach?
π︎ 34
π
︎ Dec 25 2017
What do Cubans call the stomach flu?
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 11 2017
What did the mouth say to the stomach after his joke wasn't well received?
π︎ 14
π
︎ Sep 10 2016
I don't like when people punch me in the stomach while I'm playing guitar...
because it always hurts me (in my) mid riff.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jul 27 2016
Going to the restroom while your stomach hurts can be a...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 09 2017
I was walking with the wife when my stomach rumbled loudly...
... we were just passing a middle eastern resteraunt when she says "Felafel?"
"No I feel fine, just a bit hungry."
audible moan
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jul 18 2016
My dad joked me right in the stomach today.
Dad "What's the difference between a teacher and a train when it comes to gum?"
I thought long and hard and couldn't figure it out. "I don't know."
Dad "A teacher won't let you chew any gum, but a train says "Choo Choo!"
π︎ 19
π
︎ Dec 27 2014
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach.
Ha! Thatβs not going to help, she said. Sure, it does, I said. Its the only way I can see the numbers.
π︎ 94
π
︎ Aug 23 2020
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach. βHaΒΒ! Thatβs not going to help,β she said.
βSure, it does,β I said. βItβs the only way I can see the numbers.β
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Jun 30 2019
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach...
βHaΒΒ! Thatβs not going to help,β she said.
βSure, it does,β I said. βItβs the only way I can see the numbers.β
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Dec 03 2016
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach...
βHaΒΒ! Thatβs not going to help,β she said.
βSure, it does,β I said. βItβs the only way I can see the numbers.β
π︎ 4k
π
︎ May 03 2017
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach
βHaΒΒ! Thatβs not going to help,β she said.
βSure, it does,β I said. βItβs the only way I can see the numbers.β
π︎ 23
π
︎ Mar 13 2019
A guy was admitted to the hospital with 8 plastic horses in his stomach.
His condition is stable now.
π︎ 32
π
︎ Dec 19 2018
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