(On The Spot Joke) My Partner was in bed cracking her back and asked.....
“Hey can you hear my back crack”
I replied “yea can you hear my ass crack” then proceeded with the filthiest fart known to man
Absolute crack up. Hahahahahah even she laughed
A friend opened a strip club called the G.Spot...
It closed after a week as most men couldn't find it.
What is the weak spot of a janitor?
What causes all the super-yachts to squeeze together in the same tourist spots?
A pun walked into a bar and ten people died on the spot.
Did you hear about the baseball player who can spot a fast food restaurant from miles away?
He leads the league in Arby eyes.
I went to visit my friend at the hospital, and the only parking spot I found was in the C section.
I had to climb out of the sunroof.
Whilst reversing the car into a parking spot, I leaned over to my wife and said...
I think I found the “G spot” at work today..
I’m very proud of this dad joke my daughter just came up with on the spot
Her: What is this little USB thing? Is this a juul charger?
Me: No, I think it’s an adapter for the Steam controller.
Her: Well, a juul is kind of like a steam controller.
Have you been to that new Indian restaurant The Ghee Spot?
I showed my friend my pond, including the best fishing spots and the place where the bank drops off...
I wish the First National would stop sending their packages to my pond's address...
Holmes and Watson are creeping stealthy along the Street, searching for clues, when Holmes suddenly spots a Bakery shop window and scans it with his magnifying glass. Watson perplexed, says to Sherlock " What are you looking for exactly ? " ...Holmes replies...
" You know my method. It's founded upon the observation of Trifles. "
I went out onto the ocean to try and spot some whales
But the ink kept washing away.
"There's a 60% chance the killer shot the victim from this spot right here and a 40% chance he shot from over there", said the detective.
"This concludes my probaballistic report."
A pun walks into a bar, ten people die on the spot.
Pun in, ten dead
Edit: The police quickly arrived at the scene, surrounding the bar. The pun was trapped in the bar but it decided to hold on and have a shoot out with the police instead of surrendering. Sadly, the pun was shot. He was pun out dead at the scene.
Edit: Nobody attended the puns funeral, they all at ten ded.
-Mic drop-
Edit: Wasn’t that a killer pun?
Edit: Unfortunately I told about 10 puns before this one. Did any of them land? No. No pun in ten did.
(Credit To killsforsporks and TLo137 for the last 2 edits)
Have you heard of the disease that causes horns, spots, and hooves?
Scientists and doctors agree it's caused by a mootation
Did you hear about the financial analyst who went skydiving but missed the landing spot by a mile?
He was an expert in the field
Edit: I made this up myself!
Why do you say when you spot a flying Jedi in the sky ?
Just got a delayed grin from my son on the way back to our hunting spot.
Son: Wow that stream is really rush'en.
Me: oh good that is so much better than German.
I just had to pick a country real quick not trying to make any statement....
People who pull forward into parking spots are living in the moment. Those who back up into the spot, are thinking about the future.
You can never find the best hiding spot
What do you call a teenager that's been standing in the same spot for a while?
Who else eats bread with the white and green spots?
Edit: Thanks for the mold kind stranger
One of my feminist friends managed to get herself a new job recently, and literally the first thing her boss asked her to do was to make him a sandwich! Naturally my friend took a stand and quit on the spot, she's even talking about boycotting the entire company.
make-up some puns on the spot
[true story] Dad and daughter trimming the Christmas tree with tinsel— DAD (points to empty spot on tree and says to daughter): “Little more on here.” DAUGHTER (storms off crying)...
...”MOM! DAD CALLED ME A LITTLE MORON!!”
There's this guy who's been staying in one spot at the park for days without sitting or laying. People are calling him super amazing. I personally just think..
Salmon are born in a river, swim out to sea for most of their lives, and then one day years later swim back against insurmountable odds to the very spot where they were born.
And I can’t find my car in the parking lot.
My girlfriend's cat always steals my spot on the bed, it makes me FUR-ious
I was on a safari in Africa when one of the tourists asked our guide, “Is it difficult to spot cheetahs?”
He said, “No, they usually come that way.”
*after the train had had trouble stopping in the right spot for multiple consecutive stops* Mom: I guess the guy driving is new.
Dad: Maybe he's a trainee.
How do you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
I was unsure how to spot the difference between crocodiles and alligators
If you approach them head on, a crocodile will see you in a while, but an alligator will see you later
Which side of a cheetah has the most spots?
What do you call a man that tells the future and has four dark spots around him?
Here's one I made up on the spot today that I'm proud of.
So we were at the mint and I was asked 'do we need to pay for parking here?'
I said: don't they make enough money here?
You know, the worst type of humour is menstural jokes. Period... I just made that up on the spot.
Was at the zoo in Dublin Ireland today. Was very early and there was a group trying to spot the Snow Leopards in their enclosure without any luck. After a few minutes of looking I quipped Snow Leopards.... sNO leopards... well I laughed....
My friend opened a club called “The G-Spot”
But it closed after a week, because most men couldn’t find it.
I was visiting my pregnant friend at the hospital, and the only parking spot I could find was in the C section.
I had to climb out of the sunroof.
I went to visit my pregnant friend in the hospital and found a parking spot in the C section of the parking lot.
I had to climb out of the sunroof.
I went to visit a friend at the hospital and found a spot in the “C” section of the parking lot.
I had to climb out of the sunroof.
A pun walks into a bar, 10 people die on the spot...
Have you been to that new Indian restaurant “The Ghee Spot”?
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