I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
Our neighbour's 6 year old son was sleeping in their house, I've seen it and called the Cops right away
What is the worst part about sleeping like a log
You could end up in the fireplace when you wake up
I cut lumber for a living, but I keep sleeping on the job.
As you can tell, I'm a slumberjack.
he's sleeping on the couch
I once went on a date that ended with me and the girl sleeping together. After sex she lit a cigarette and told me me all about her hobby: collecting roadkill and pinning it to her wall. Well, there's no way I could see her after that...
Smoking is such a turn off.
Me: What should we do about the sleeping arrangements during our holiday? Her: I was thinking of...
My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of making me sleeping on the sofa...
I said that it made me feel manly, like I was camping...
...with a really angry bear somewhere close by...
I tried sleeping at the gym once
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
What did the cat say to her sleeping husband?
Get out of bed right meow
was sleeping at my girlfriends place last night, her dad wouldn’t let us sleep in the same bed... It made me proper angry because he’s actually really handsome.
reddit.com/r/teenagers/co…
Alarm clocks are great but the snooze button was even better. Because after sleeping for eight hours, what I need...
The Other Day I Made A Sleeping Schedule
I Think You Will Find Quite "In-To-Resting"
When you’re diurnal, the difference between sleeping and being awake is like
I’ve been having problems sleeping recently. I asked my dad what to do and he told me to lie on the edge of my bed.
If you see a child sleeping, don't hesitate to call the police.
You just witnessed a kid-napping
I tend to give money to homeless people, who I find sleeping on the grass, on a winter morning.
I always give credit where it's dew.
Why did the Italian police officer aprehend a man sleeping on a park bench?
What’s the best part about sleeping at the end of the world as we know it?
Did you hear about the pokeman trainer who was sleeping in the camping store at the shopping center?
Apparently he cot the mall.
What do you call a guy selling sleeping pills in the desert?
Last night as I was sleeping I married the woman of my dreams.
I'm going to be sleeping on the sofa for this...
Wife was trying to feed our new born, and since it was via a C-section, the amount of milk being produced is minimal for the first week. Baby was cranky and some milk spilled and she got upset...
"Don't cry over spilled milk" - I said..
Also, told her I can now post the above to /r/dadjokes because I'm a dad.
One of the main reasons I'm sleeping on an air mattress nowadays
Did you hear the one about Sleeping Beauty?
It's a pretty tired joke.
I said to my daughter "The cows are out sleeping in the field." She said "What's that got to do with anything? "
I said "It's pasture bedtime."
I told my daughter to go to bed because the cows are sleeping. She asked what’s that go to do with anything..
I said it’s because it’s pasture bedtime.
My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of making me sleeping on the sofa. I said that it made me feel manly, like I was camping.
...with a really angry bear somewhere close by.
If you see a child sleeping, don't hesitate to call the police.
You just witnessed a kid-napping
Having trouble sleeping? Lie right on the edge of your bed.
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