I won the "Most Secretive Guy" award in our office today.
I can't tell you how much this award means to me
I Figured out the secret chord that David played!
You want the names of the tiny shrimp secret agents?
Sure, I could tell you...but then I’d have to krill you.
I told my friend a secret about the grocery store.
What's the secret to being Santa Claus?
You either have the gift or you don't.
The person who had once kidnapped me got released after serving 10 years in prison. Since then, I secretly follow him to his house every single day without his knowledge.
I guess I'm suffering from 'stalk home' syndrome.
My friend asked about my secret of making the juiciest steak
He isn’t pleased saying it’s too dry.....
I just told him “it needs more thyme in the pan”
Remember Spider Pig from the Simpsons movie? I figured out his secret identity!
Why do secret agents get the best sleep...
Because they’re always undercover.
I secretly don't want 2020 the end..
Because then it'd mean 2021.
Do you know the secret Karen?
Everyone knows about Karen's, how they argue with everyone about everything.
Do you know about their lesser known Sister, Sharon. She's every bit as argumentative and angry, because as everyone knows,
Sharon is Karen
Have you heard about the top secret bakery?
It's on a knead to dough basis
What did the secret service yell when Disney sent assassins after our president?
The secret service has a new protocol if there's a threat in the room with the president
They used to yell down. Now it's
"Donald duck!"
They all laughed when I told them that one day I would discover the secret of invisibility.
If only they could see me now.
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
Edit: Wow! My first Silver and my first Gold! I am honored. What an amazing community. It's a great place to visit after a challenging day.
The government started banning alcoholic drinks, so I'm selling liquor in secret.
Did you hear the one about the secret agent that was captured behind enemy lines with a sheepdog as part of his disguise?
When he was put to death, his captors ground him up and baked him in the oven covered in gravy and mashed potatoes.
When questioned as to why such a cruel and unusual punishment was administered, they stated that this was the only way to correctly execute a shepherd spy.
Why was the local fly population afraid of the secretive snake charmer?
I COULD tell you a top secret combination of words which result in the instant death of anyone hearing or reading them..
But then I'd have to kill you.
Last year we did a Secret Santa where everyone had to give each other furnace parts. I'm so ticked for the stupid gift I got.
Sorry. I just gotta vent.
Deep in the villain’s super secret base
Deep in the villain’s super secret base, he noticed that his 10” concrete filled steel walls looked bare. He asked his minions why was there no large, artistic rendering of his terrifying logo hanging behind his desk.
His minions replied, “We’ve tried everywhere, but we’ve been unable to find a sketchy artist.”
When I was renovating my house, I found a secret stash hidden in the walls.
Someone drew a mustache on the wall behind the wall paper.
Wouldn't it have been amazing if John Lennon had invented that device that you put in your front door to secretly see who's on the other side.
I mean, imagine all the peepholes.
How did the Vikings send secret messages?
A train engineer believed a hospital ship was the site of secret government conspiracy and decides to ram it with his train.
Now that's what I call a loco-motive.
What will newborn babies become if the Goverment use them in a secret military project?
They wil be some fine ass Infantry
Before he died my grandad used to keep a secret cash stash in the toilet cistern.
In the end he was just throwing money down the drain.
What is the Easter Bunny's secret to finding those easter eggs.
I figured out the secret to writing great Christian music.
the other day I was looking up secret places to work out
thought it would be pretty crappy, but there are a fair amount of hidden gyms
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
For the 10th year in a row, my coworkers voted me "the most secretive guy" in the office.
I can't tell you how much this award means to me.
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked
now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
For the 10th year in a row, my coworkers voted me "the most secretive guy" in the office.
I can't tell you how much this award
means to me.
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald Duck!"
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
The secret service...
... isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
The secret service aren’t allowed to yell “GET DOWN” anymore if the president is about to be attacked.
Instead they say, “DONALD, Duck!”
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell “Donald duck”!
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
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