(Bear with me its a long setup) A frog walks into a bank and asks a woman named Patricia Whack for a loan. "My father is Mick Matter" he says, placing a ceramic elephant on the counter. Patricia goes to her boss and tells him the story, asking "what is this?" And placing the elephant on his desk.

The man replies " It's A knicknack, patty whack, give the frog a loan, his old mans a rolling stone (also I meant Mick jagger my autocorrect sucks balls)

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2021
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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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My son came in and asked me, "Why did the I turn into a frog?

Because he lives at I-hop.

(He was so proud of his dad joke, he asked me to post it... lol)

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Selden007
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
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What will the frog say when you show him this post?

Reddit.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BellaLugosisChips
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
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What happened to the frogs car when he parked terribly

It got toad

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lemur124
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2021
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So I caught a frog and a toad having a great time in my backyard just the other day.

They were playing a game of croquet.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/logansworth
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
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Did you hear about the frog that was double parked outside the club?

He got toad.

It was worth it though... That club was hopping.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tertiam
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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If James Hetfield officiated a wedding between Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy.....

He would be the Pastor of Muppets

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/proweld7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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What was the frog doing jumping off the bridge?

Kermitting suicide.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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What did the frog say when he opened an app on his phone in the library?

"Reddit."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
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Did you hear about the frog who took his own life?

He Kermited suicide.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
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Did you know 10+10 and 11+11 are the same?

10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2021
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Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"

That was the punchline

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2021
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The elderly wife in church turned to her husband and said, β€œI’ve just done a silent fart. What should I do?”

He said, β€œChange the batteries in your hearing aid”.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BritishTeeth11
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2021
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Why did the frog drowned itself?

It wanted to Kermit suicide.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xIR0NPULSE
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RodimusMajor84
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2021
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A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/808gecko808
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2021
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The one and only acceptable way of advertising
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/supdawggg00
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
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If I have 6 oranges in one hand and 7 oranges in the other hand, what do I have?

Really big hands

πŸ‘︎ 458
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MartianHunter420
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2021
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Whats the difference between a dad joke and a bad joke?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

The direction the first letter faces

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Samusftw
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2021
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What’s the difference between a frog and a horny toad?

What’s the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says ribbit-ribbit. A horny toad says rub-it rub-it.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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Did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same thing?

Because 10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too..

Edit: thank you for awards, I have never gotten one before. I apologize that this is a repost, I did see it on TikTok and thought that it was cute and wanted to share. In the future I will check the sub for similar content before I post anything.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lewzerman
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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What’s the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?

Black eyed peas can sing us a song and chickpeas can only hummus one.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coadnamedalex
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2021
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Bill and Melinda Gates got divorced. Melinda got the house...

But Bill kept the Windows

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScubaPride
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
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So I ate some frog legs for the first time tonight

They were pretty good. Only problem is, I now have a frog in my throat!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HissingGoose
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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How do you track Will Smith in the snow?

You look for the fresh prints!

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2021
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People who don’t know the difference between entomology and etymology…

Bug me in ways I cannot put into words.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pllarsen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2021
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I went into the pharmacy and asked the assistant, "What is the best thing for killing germs?"

"Ammonia cleaner." She replied. I said, "Sorry, I thought you worked here."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BellaLugosisChips
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2021
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What do Kermit the Frog, John the Baptist and Vlad the Impaler have in common?

Same Middle Name

πŸ‘︎ 257
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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What do you call a man with no arms, no legs, and is floating in the ocean?

Bob

πŸ‘︎ 111
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NaNullman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
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Guys, today was my first day in the navy and I felt so lost!

Wait. Sorry, wrong sub.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nikolai_G
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
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I have a new pen that can write underwater, and in a volcano and on the north pole.

It can write other things too.

πŸ‘︎ 403
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JadedByEntropy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
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The oldest computer was owned by Adam and Eve.

It was an apple with very limited memory, just one byte and everything crashed.

πŸ‘︎ 369
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KlutzyTrip6389
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2021
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What do you call the sexuality where you’re attracted to men and women but neither are attracted to you?

Bi-yourself.

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zayan-ali
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2021
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What did the horny frog say?

Rubbit.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thicklog7
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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I bought a record at the charity shop the other day, "Sounds That Wasps Make". I took it home and it sounded nothing like Wasps.

That's when I realised I was playing the Bee side.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/redwolve378
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
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Anyone who can spell the word drawer backwards...

..... Will get a reward.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2021
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The Adventures of the Mathmagician (an educational and punny comic).
πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lovedepository
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2021
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If you think that your microwave collecting data and the TV spying on you is bad enough...

the vaccum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years...

πŸ‘︎ 803
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2021
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During lockdown, I managed to connect virtually with a Lion, Giraffe and Rhino all at the same time.

These zoo meetings are really taking off.

πŸ‘︎ 306
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2021
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I know why beer and frog legs go together so well!

It's the HOPS!

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BastetLXIX
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
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An outdoor neighborhood cat was hiding in some bushes while I was hedge trimming. Didn't see him and clipped his tail clean off. I panicked and grabbed the cat and his tail rushing to my car and drove like a mad man to Walmart. The greeter was puzzled and asked why I brought the cat.

"Because you're the largest re-tailer in the world!"

πŸ‘︎ 376
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
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A man went to the doctor’s and told him, β€œI feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”

He said, β€œWow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”

πŸ‘︎ 209
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2021
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What’s the difference between a sharply dressed man on a bicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?

Attire.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/atomicskiracer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2021
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A Frog and a Bank Loan

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bstie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know 10+10 and 11+11 are the same

Because 10+10 is 20 and 11+11 is 20 too

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/torrenter_11
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
🚨︎ report
A Frog and a Bank Loan

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bstie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report

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