Here's my 2 scents on the puns page.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yaths17
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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What’s the scent of the most advanced deodorant technology?

Elon musk

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hfoste1380
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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If you could predict what scents you will smell in the future...

...you would be Nose-tradamus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ninety-five95
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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I want to create a cologne that is the scent of Mars.

I’m calling it: Elon Musk

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrassyBones
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2018
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The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like maple syrup. I wondered aloud if they scent it.

Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coot_Friday
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2017
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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My Father was really thankful for the scented candles I got him.

Turns out he really appreciates the scent of mint.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Siethron
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2015
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hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?

the scent of old spies gave him away

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πŸ‘€︎ u/asianwaste
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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Did you hear about the new sequel to the Sixth Sense?

It's about essential oil people dying from preventable diseases. It's titled "The Seventh Scents"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/d1sass3mbled
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
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I read an article about Eskimo hunting practices today

Their method for hunting polar bears was the most interesting. They would start a fire out on a deep snow bank, and essentially melt a hole in the snow. Once the hole was big enough they would stop feeding it firewood and let it burnout on its own. Once the fire had gone down and was nothing more than smoldering ashes with a little bit of smoke, they would line the edge of the fire pit with snow peas.

All they had to do from there is hide and wait. Once a bear caught scent of the smoke and starts to investigate, the bear would eventually start eating some of the peas. Then they sneak up behind it and kick it in the ash-hole.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
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Dad jokes at the grocery store

I was grocery shopping with my wife and she was picking up holiday hand soap. She asked me which ones I liked.

I grabbed two different ones off the shelf and said "let me give you my two scents"

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rebootentag
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
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Old Spice!!! Polo for Men!!!

That’s my two scents..

I hope you are not incensed by the involuntary groan you just made.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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My teenage son came home upset that his crush is attracted to the new foreign exchange student at school

So I went to the drug store and bought him the best Axe Scent money can buy!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingBuck_413
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2018
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The smell of coffee

My pregnant wife, whose sense of smell is extremely heightened, complains about the smell of coffee as it is being brewed.

My response is that it is heaven scent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PetroAg13
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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NEW!! Celebrity Fun in the Pun candle line!

Chris Pine - Pine scented

Cocoa Chanel - Hot cocoa scented

Beth Crow-ley - Rain, nighttime, and city streets scented

Tom Holly-and - Holly berry scented

JK Row-ling - Lakes and campfire scented

Miley Cypress - Cypress scented

Bob Moss - Forest and moss scented

Juniper Aniston - Juniper scented

Katy Berry - Mixed berry scented

Britney Spearmint - Spearmint scented

Bread Pitt - Bread scented

Tom Cruise - Ocean, salty, alcohol scented

Aurora - Nighttime, wind, whimsical scented

Nicole Kidman - baby powder scented

Justin Beaver - Wood, nature scented

Elvis Parsley - Parsley scented

Steve Cobs - Corn on the cob scented

Banana Montana - Banana scented

Orange Winfrey - Orange scented

Chris Bat - Nighttime, caves, and bats scented

Zoey Salad-ana - Salad, lettuce, leafy greens, tomato, cheese scented

Dwayne the Rock - Mountains, earthy, fresh, crisp, wind scented Jennifer Joe-pez - Nice hot cup o’ joe scented

Chicken Corbin Blue - Chicken and cheese and ham scented

Robert Brownie Jr. - Brownie scented

Sardine-a Gomez - Sardine scented

Daniel Rad-Clif - Clif bar blueberry flavor scented

Leonardo Di-Carp-rio - Fish scented

Halle Berry - Mixed scented

Demi Tomato - Tomato scented

Kevin Bacon - Bacon scented

Mandy S’more - S’mores scented

Mackerel-more - Fish scented

Broccoli Obama - Broccoli scented

WILL.I.SPAM. - Spam scented

Mark Buffalo Wings - Buffalo wing scented

John Lemon - Lemon scented

Shakiramisu - Tiramisu scented

Egg Sheeran - Eggs scented

Benedict Cucumber Patch - Cucumber scented

Adille - Dill scented

Kevin Spicy - Taco scented

Channing Potatum - Potato scented

Melon DeGeneres - Melon scented

Danny Burrito - Burrito scented

Michaelanjello - Red jello scented

Harry Panini - Panini scented

Snoop Hot Dog - Hot dog scented

Paris Hilton - Paris, city of love, generic love perfume scented

Morgan Whipped Cream-in - Whipped cream scented

Mike Fryson - French fry scented

Henry David Thoreaut Lozenge - Cough drop scented

Raisin Williams - Raisin scented

Robert Frosty - Vanilla ice cream scented

Jeff Onion-blum - Onion ring scented

Tom Skittle-ston - Skittles scented

Ralph Waldo M&Mson - Chocolate scented

Malt Whitman - Malt scented

(Friend and I came up with these on the ride down to Boston for a concert, after the β€œI wonder what Chris Pine smells like?” joke was brought up again from a previous time hanging out. I’m particularly proud of Bob Moss and Zoey Salad-ana.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minnara
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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A skunk, a doe, a duck, and a giraffe walk into a bar...

As they order their drinks, the bartender asks, β€œWho’s paying for these?”

The skunk says β€œDon’t look at me, I’ve only got one scent”

The doe replies β€œnot me, I haven’t had a buck in years!”

The duck answers β€œSorry, I only have one bill on me”

Finally, the giraffe chimes in β€œDon’t worry guys, the high balls are on me”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigAssSackOfTree
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
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My wife and I got Vietnamese noodles last night...

...and this morning she said she could still smell it.

I told her to cover the scent by spraying some Pho-breze

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Limehulio
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2018
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My dad was offered sex for services. (x-post r/funny)

I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today. In exchange for that, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined because I am a person with high moral standards with a strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla at your nearest drug and convenience store. Act now and save 1.50 off your next purchase.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vance524
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2016
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I get a weird feeling around people who aren't well…

I call refer to that feeling as my "sick sense"

I hope that joke wasn't too dull, but hey, it only cost six scents.

Not to be mistaken for a half dozen walking trees from Lord of the Rings… You know, Six Ents.

You don't need a sixth sense to know this can't go on forever.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kuhnaydeein
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2016
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Listening to an accounting lecture when the professor drops some dad puns...

>Do you know where the smartest and most reasonable people work? > At the US mint, because all they do is make cents!

I thought it was over and then two minutes further into the lecture.... >Do you know where else really smart and reasonable people work? > At a perfume factory! All they do is make scents!

Now I am just sitting here posting this and trying to think of more puns...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dmack1228
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2013
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So my dad blew up the bathroom..

Then proceeded to walk out and say "NO WORRIES, I've sprayed the bathroom with orange scented febreze, now it smells like shitrus."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ilikeoctopussy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2014
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Tonight's groaners at the dinner table ...

Did you hear about the broken change machine?

It doesn't make cents.

How about the skunk that couldn't spray?

It doesn't make scents either.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brousch
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2016
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A safer type of candle

My wife keeps going on about the horror stories she hears at work of fires starting due to candles. I decided to develop my own candle which doesn't produce heat and therefore there is no risk of a fire. It only makes scents.

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πŸ“…︎ May 16 2016
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Dad Joked by a Thomas Jefferson Impersonator at Work Today

Would this be considered a dad joke or an 18/19th century dad joke? Either way, I just about walked out the building after reading this.

ME: Hi Tom,

Thank you for taking the time to speak with me today and if there is anything we can do in the future, please don't hesitate to ask.

I was hoping you would be able to leave a Yelp review for other potential clients to see. I know that we will not be working together anymore, but we would really appreciate the feedback.

Thomas Jefferson: Matt,

Happy to offer you an encomium, however, I know of no connection between hounds striking the line of scent on a fox and complimenting a business enterprise of the 21st century.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smashfield5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2016
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Dad was on a roll this Christmas

The first joke was while we were watching tv and a commercial for the new show Atlantis came on, and dad said, "I hear that show is already under water."

The second was when we all got our stockings. Mom had given us scented pencils, and dad said, "You know what those are for right? It's so your writing doesn't stink"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HortensePJ
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2013
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Dad joke about yogurt. Yes it's possible

Coworker A complained about the scent of yogurt in Coworker B's lunch. Coworker B replies "Well I guess your not very cultured, are you?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OddMcGin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2014
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A dad joke that totally stinks

My daughter, sitting in the passenger seat: I think I know what's causing that rattling sound in the car. It's this bottle of perfume.

Me: That makes sense.

Daughter: Oh, daaaaad.

Me: Huh?

Daughter: Y'know, scents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/solresol
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2014
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A group of animals went to a bar for drinks.

When the tab came they pooled their money to pay.

The Duck had a bill

The Frog had a greenback.

The deer had a buck.

The Skunk had a scent.

Then the giraffe said,"Don't worry boys, the High Balls are on me."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SteveHRRT
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2015
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I dropped this one on the wife after getting back from a run about an hour ago. She groaned a bit, then laughed.

So I just got back from a run, and must have eaten something earlier, because as soon as I came inside, I ripped a really loud, nasty fart. I jokingly blamed it on her, and she laughed a bit until she smelled it. As she was busy plugging her nose I lay this on her.

Me: Well you know what they say, the one that smelt it is the one that dealt it. Her: That's not funny, I know it was you, that saying doesn't make any sense right now. Me: I think it makes a lot of scents. Wah-waaah..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FuckYouPanda
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2014
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I gave this to my coworker today....

Slow start:

So I was combining two hand sanitizer bottles while waiting on some computer function to complete, one was a scented and dyed blue while the other was regular clear handbleach. In the end I have a bottle of half clear half blue.

So I make wide panic eyes, hold up the bottle for my coworker to see and tell him "Oh shit, %coworkerβ„… I really blew it this time"

3/4 techs approve this dadjoke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WANGblizzard
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2015
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My mom received some soaps for Christmas

The gift made a lot of scents.

Edit:spelling

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unlimitedJUICE
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2013
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Got my lil sister.

My sister was drawing with scented markers and held up the orange one and exclaimed...

Her: "This one smells like oranges!"

Me: "Well that only makes scents."

Followed by my mother groaning.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/redjosh1996
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2014
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A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report

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