The Sandals Puns

He was scared of defeat

You birkenrock!

it was quite the sandal.

Really? I have feet in mine.

No dad! It really hurts.

That's called agony of defeat.

and the first cannibal says "I killed and ate a missionary yesterday, but I think he gave me an upset stomach." The second cannibal says "That's too bad. How'd you cook him?" The first cannibal says "Oh, I threw him in the giant pot of boiling water like always." The second cannibal says "Makes sense. And what did he look like?" The first cannibal says "The usual. Brown robe, rope belt, sandals." And the second cannibal says "Well there's your problem. You boiled him, and he was a friar."

Wife: I wish I had worn my boots but I think the restaurant is a little dressier than that.

Me: I don’t think so... I almost wore my sandals.

Wife: That would have been vetoed.

Me: No, that would have been open toed.

I was the only one there in sandals and a bathrobe

Had I chosen sandpaper instead, it would have given a new meaning to the term "sandal"

No wonder they love the comfort of an open-toad sandal.

Customer was looking through the sandals, saw one on display she liked and needed help finding it's its pair in a box.

Cust: I need help finding it's match.

Me: You need help looking for it's sole mate?

I work at a Birkenstock store and I was talking to my dad about work yesterday.

Him: "I want to invent some really futuristic sandals and I have the perfect name for them: Kirk 'n' Spocks!"

Groan

Context: I live in California and it's raining here for once. My mom wears sandals 99% of the time

Mom (looking outside): shoot! If I'm gonna go, I might have to wear real shoes

Me: where?

Mom: well on my feet of course

I'm proud to be a dad, and to be a dad jokester. Let's let the dads be identified as such. Maybe someone can make a socks-with-sandals icon?

#1 I was at the outlet mall with my girlfriend and she wanted to check out this shoe store. I follow her in and peruse the store while she looks around. I find these sandals that are on sale, but some only have one shoe. So I pick them up and say, "Hey look, these sandals are.. half off," with the biggest grin. She did one of those one laugh oh my goodness things. #2 A day or two ago I was showing my girlfriend some pictures I took and she said to me, "You know, you've really got an eye." I told her, "I know, I have two." #3 I don't like Twitter and I never have. My gf is the opposite. So she took it upon herself to make me an account and then let me have control. I've posted a few things with my own twist. Instead of using # to tag something I write out "hashtagwhateverIwanttowritehere."