I recall going to see the movie titanic

I had a bad sinking feeling about the end

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
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News broke today that due to salmonella concerns, there is a national recall on just about every type of onion in the united states...

To be honest, I'm not shedding any tears over it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thejohnblog
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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Hear about the romaine lettuce recall?

Everyone was "tossing their salads"!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HappyRamenMan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
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After getting dementia, my wife is able to recall the meaning of only a few words of the dictionary.

She remembers next to nothing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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Do you recall that film that was kinda like A Bug's Life and came out at the same sort of time as A Bug's Life but wasn't nearly as good as A Bug's Life?

Well you should, it's Remember Antz Day

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wigglesface
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
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If avocados were to have a serious recall, it would surely be the end..

It would be.. the a-guac-alypse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnotherCook18
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2017
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(Warning: Morbid dad joke) True Story -- My family were planning my mum's funeral. We always try to keep things light and try to stay positive, just as Mum would have it...

The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.

Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.

The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:

"What's sarong with that?"

I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).

His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.

--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)

--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zipflop
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
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WARNING FOR EVERYONE WHO WANTS THE KFC GAME CONSOLE

Avoid getting a console on launch day. Multiple units had to be recalled due to the circuit boards being "fried".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ILikeCodecaine
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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Levi's just recalled 200,000 pairs of pants because they had problems with the zippers.

They were dropping like flies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2018
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Today I found out that humans eat more bananas than monkeys

This surprised me, as I don't recall the last time I ate a monkey

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Faiz_Clan
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
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Buwanna

I recall from my youth, a time of great adventure. My friends and I on safari hunting the Great North-American Man-Eating Female Butt-Ox.

The hunt was difficult and expensive. Once one has been identified as an acceptable specimen you need to slow its wits and dull its decision making process. This is best accomplished with loud music, flashing lights and alcohol. But even then the hunt can be foiled by rushing in to early. If you're successful, you then need to separate it from the pack. This is the trickiest bit as less than ideal pack members will often fight ruthlessly to "protect" your target.

But even the most successful outings are not without risk. On several occasions I found myself entangled in a wrestling match for hours. But there lies the fruit of the hunt...

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πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
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I went to the doctor because I lost my sense of smell.

Turns out my nose is the subject of an olfactory recall.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmyspr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
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Today I found out the guy who invented the crossword puzzle is buried at my local cemetery

If you're looking for the headstone go 9 down 3 across.

I don't quite recall his name...

I think I was P something T something something...

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
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10 men trapped in Alaska

I remember years ago when in my remote town in Alaska there were 10 men stuck underground. I don't recall the circumstances that got them into this situation but it was clear that if they didn't get out soon they weren't going to make it.

All of our local rescue and public services were unable to get them out and they were running out of time. With only 18 hours remaining they sent for the only expert who could help, a rescue operations legend Mr. Puh. If he could get a plane into town it could make all the difference.

I remember gathering around the radio, biting our nails, as weather conditions worsened and threatened the planes journey.

I don't remember how long I stayed awake that night, but I will never forget the words I heard when I turned the radio on in the morning: "Puh not in, ten dead."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToyokiSonoda
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
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Dadjoked my girlfriend at dinner.

So we were eating dinner tonight, which is a rare treat because our work hours don't leave much overlapping free time. I had a dark glass with white wine with dinner. She asked what I was drinking, and I decided to recall a friend's joke.

Gf: boss_ginger, what are you drinking? Me: Oh, just water. Do you want it? I can pour another glass. Gf: Please, thank you. takes sip ... Gf: This is wine... Me: Raises hands into the air, leans back in chair Praise the LORD and his miracles!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boss_ginger
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2014
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Damn Good Lawyering

"Yes, Your Honor, my client ripped the arms off of every teddy bear in the store. But as I recall, the second amendment states he has the right to bear arms."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roivas14
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
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Quasimodo's brother

Turns out Quasimodo had a brother, Semimodo, who was also a Church bell-ringer and crippled. Instead of being a hunchback, though, Semimodo had no arms. He had to do his job by running along the rafter and striking the Church bell with his head.

One day he fell, a hundred feet to the ground. The head priest was asked to identify the body, and could only say "I don't recall his name, but his face rings a bell."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCheshireCody
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2018
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What is a dentists favorite time of the day?

2:30 (Tooth Hurty)

I suspect I didn't make this up. Heard it SOMEWHERE on a tv show or movie. But I don't recall. Never the less it has been rattling around in my head for a few days now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hyper_Threaded
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2014
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[request] What cultures and countries today are proud of their puns?

This is not so much a request for a pun. I had heard that there was a town in the Scandinavian region that was known for their puns, and that this was recognized throughout the country. This was a part of a larger conversation about puns in general and the fact that they are typically frowned upon in english, while many other languages celebrate the pun, and are in fact more pun-prone due to the structure of the language.

However, I cannot remember where I heard this, I believe it was a podcast, but I cannot recall.

So, what cultures celebrate the pun, and do you know of any cities or towns known for their puns?

Thanks :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dcraftt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2017
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Jack and the Beanstalk meets Little Red Riding Hood

This is the story of Jack and the Beanstalk, after the story ends. After chopping down the beanstalk, Jack realizes that he’s actually pretty damn good with an axe, and casual vegetative vandalism really struck his fancy, so he began chopping down other trees for a living. He became a traveling woodsman, and he enjoyed many years of his simple life of manual labor.

One day, as he chops wood, he hears screams from a nearby cottage. Hurriedly breaking in (because recall: jack has no problem with entering houses uninvited), he sees a cross dressing lycanthrope attempting to devour a little girl dressed all in red and her little grandmother too. Wielding his trusty axe, Jack murdered yet another fantasy creature, and safely led Little Red all the way back home. Answering the door was a beautiful woman of around his age. After sending Little Red to bed, the two of them talked for hours.

One thing led to another, and a year later they were married with a child on the way. They had a beautiful little boy named Jack Junior who followed in his father’s steps to become a woodsman. This was fortunate, because as Junior grew up, Jack was feeling the pain of his previous adventures. An old back injury from jumping from the beanstalk was haunting him, and over time his posture grew more and more hunched. He had a tough time working, but at least Junior was becoming a strapping young man.

One day, Jack and Junior took the long road to the grandmothers place to bring her a meal, just like that fateful trio Red took so many years ago. When they arrived, the grandmother greeted them cheerily, welcoming them in and making conversation. β€œOh Junior,” she said, β€œyou’ve grown into such a handsome and strong young man. It’s so kind of you to handle all the work so your poor father, with his bad back and all, doesn’t have to. Why don’t you have a girlfriend yet?” Junior hesitated. β€œWell Grandma,” he replied. β€œIt’s because... I’m gay”. The close-minded, set-in-her-ways grandma’s expression became stormy. She pulled poor hunched-over Jack into adjacent room, and whispered angrily: β€œJack, your life is a mess! Your posture is terrible and your son isn’t giving me any grandsons!” Jack replied: β€œMa, we’re happy, you can’t just-β€œ But she interrupted. β€œNo excuses!” She snapped. β€œYou need to straighten your lumbar, Jack!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coyoteTale
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2017
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I was making dad jokes when I was just a kid

I came up with this joke when I was probably about 6 years old, and thought it would fit in here. I can still recall the day I came up with it. I was at school, and I remember being super incredibly proud of myself, 100% certain that everybody was going to lose their shit when they heard the joke. That night I told it to my family. They barely reacted at all. I think my mom gave a polite chuckle, and my sister just walked off. I was devastated.

Anyway, here's the joke:

  • What did the father say to his son?

  • You've got to be KIDDING me!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Judo_John_Malone
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2016
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Dad's fake swearing

"Stone of a peach!"

Was a favorite of my Dad's. There are probably others that I can't recall. Share yours in the comments!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/samspot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2015
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An elephant was drinking out of a river one day

when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.

"What did you do that for?" Asked a passing giraffe.

"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago."

"Wow, what a memory" commented the giraffe.

"Yes," said the elephant, "turtle recall".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_-reddit-
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2016
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People feet.

Let me tell you a story about the first dad joke I ever told.

I was 4 years old and running around outside without shoes on. When my mom noticed she said, "Starkid08 you get in here with your bare feet!"

Without missing a step I look down at my feet and say," These aren't my BEAR feet, these are my PEOPLE feet!"

We still recall this story from time to time when talking to my many aunts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/starkid08
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2016
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Heavy lifting

So, my grandfather passed away in November and my brothers and I were recalling old stories and this one came up.

He just had surgery on his back and after surgery he had this conversation

Doctor: So, you won't be able to do any heavy lifting for about a week

My grandfather looks at him with a look of concern on his face and says: But doc, how am I supposed to go to the bathroom?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/meatsuite4life
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2014
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My dad thinks he's hilarious

In regards to Toronto Mayor Rob Ford and the cocaine and drunken stupor scandal...

My dad: "Rob's Ford should be recalled"

slow clap

Edit: spelling

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πŸ‘€︎ u/prettyflie164
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2013
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Huh...do these things just get downloaded into your head?

My son was born last week and for the last 8 days I've had 3 or 4 of them every single day without even trying. I can't even recall any of them at the moment, but it's like having a child made me able to take advantage of every pun ever.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lereas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2014
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My dad on his recalled tires...I hope to be him one day.

My dad's tires were recalled for losing tread and exploding. Due to my recent business law class I informed him that if he didn't take them in for a replacement, and they blew up, he would be liable. He said he knew the term for this type of liability:

....A pop-tort

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2013
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