Guess they should read the bio next time
Today I read a pamphlet on the history of incandescent bulbs...
I just read a long article comparing the different versions of the Bible.
There was a lot of cross referencing.
Every day, my teacher reads a joke from Reddit to start the class, but today she is absent.
Teacher: Felix, when is the boiling point reached? Felix: Just after my father reads my report card.
I never thought The Bumper Book of Farming would be such a difficult bedtime read.
But it's full of words I've never even herbivore.
Did read the book about the elevator?
It was a very uplifting story. (Courtesy of my 10 year old)
You do realize that it's biblically correct for a man to make the coffee. Haven't you ever read the book,
So I read a study the other day claiming that “humans eat more bananas than monkeys”
Which to me sounded a bit obvious. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
I just read the absoute best book about Pearl Jam.
Seriously, I don't know they could have made it Eddie Vedder.
After watching me read “War and Peace”, my son asked me, “Dad, why is the book so thick?”
Me: Well, it’s ......a long story.
How do you call someone who likes to read on the summer?
I got my son a PS5 like he wanted... the note read...
Dear son,
Merry Christmas!
PS: do your homework.
PPS: do your chores.
PPPS: go outside and play and stop playing video games
PPPPS: you're a fatboy, fattie. You eat too much crap food.
PPPPPS: we're shipping you off to military school next year!
I read a book about limbs taking over the world
Has anyone read the prequel to Hamlet...?
I taught my kid to speed read today. He read Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone in 3 hours!
I know its only 6 words.. but its a start!
My wife went into labor today, so I read the front page of /r/DadJokes to her as a distraction from the pain. Unfortunately, she didn’t laugh once, was clearly not amused and I have no idea why...
It must have been the delivery...
Did you read about the new group that was created to foster dialogue between Wiccans and Jehovah’s Witnesses?
It’s called the Witch Tower Society.
I just read that times were real tough for musicians in the early 17th century...
I just read in the news there is now viagra for your eyes
Apparently they make you look hard
I just read a book about the proper application of adhesive substances
I only read r/dadjokes when I'm sitting on the toilet.
I really enjoy potty humour.
Anyone read the Helping Friendly Book written by Iculus.
The moral is read-iculus.
(For all my Phans out there)
read “twix” in a child accent it makes the meme better
I was walking past a shop, and there was a classic bomb in the window Beside it was a sign that read "$1, irreplaceable fuse"
I said to myself "That's an offer I can't refuse"
Every time my dad goes to the eye doctor, they ask him to read the smallest text on the chart out loud.
He says, "Printed in China."
This is a true story lol.
Why could the actor never read their lines from cue cards?
Because they kept trying to read between the lines
I just read the whole dictionary in one sitting.
I learned the definition of boring.
Every Sunday I read the Times and complain to my kids about that orange haired narcissist dominating the paper by insulting and mocking everyone, especially those closest to him.
That Garfield needs to learn how to think about more than just himself and his next plate of lasagna.
I just read in the newspaper: "Painting stolen from art museum found by a set of dustbins."
Those dustbins must be very intelligent.
Two old men are sitting poolside when the first one asks, “Have you read Marx?” The other one replies...
“Yes, I believe that comes from sitting on these wicker chairs.”
Just read an article about a frozen cave man found accidentally by hikers in the Himalayas..
They found himalayan in the ice..
I recently received a book with “do not read until the year 2030” written on the cover
But that’s a story for another time
The mandalorian was handing out valentine's. They read.......
Baby, Yoda best, valentine from a galaxy far far away.
When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time...
When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time, but she didn’t laugh at any of them. Nevertheless I’ve persisted with telling the same lame Dad jokes during the births of each of our kids. Today she’s in labor with our fourth and I’ve finally got her laughing...
I think I’ve really improved the delivery!
I just read an early draft of The Empire Strikes Back...
...Yoda originally spent part of his exile as a shepherd.
All the sheep, Dagobah.
Just read a book about the history of glue
Read The Caption For It To Make Sense
I just read about the most ground breaking invention in the history of humanity
What's the worst thing a blind person can read in Braille?
ALWAYS read the label!
Jake returns home after a long days work, finds the cupboards bare and thinks "that's strange we went shopping this week". He goes to the garbage can to find jars of peanut butter, yogurt, pill bottles, assorted food they've just bought discarded. He asks "Honey why is all the food in the garbage?" he finds her watching TV in the living room she says "Roger is dead", stunned he runs to the backyard to find their pet seal dead. He runs inside shocked and says "wow that's terrible, but why did you throw out all the food?!" she replies "They containers all said DO NOT USE IF SEAL IS BROKEN".
I just read a long scholarly article that compares the different versions of the Bible.
Turns out there is a lot of Cross referencing.
So, I read a study the other day claiming that "humans eat more bananas than monkeys".
Which - to me - sounded a bit obvious. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Every day, my teacher reads a joke from Reddit to start the class, but today she is absent.
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