Catholic priests were forbidden from learning math until the 20th century
Before that it was a cardinal Sin
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 12 2021
Did you hear about the priest who invented a vegetable-based fragrance?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Feb 04 2021
Whatβs the difference between a doctor and a priest ?
When the dr touches your nuts itβs strictly business.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Feb 04 2021
What did the vegetarian priest say before partaking in a meal?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 30 2021
Why couldnβt the priest find his rosary?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 24 2021
Why didn't the priest want to get his car detailed?
The devil's in the detail.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 12 2021
I had a priest perform an exorcism for my house, but I never paid the bill....
π︎ 237
π
︎ Oct 06 2020
What does a Priest do when he goes to the gym?
π︎ 73
π
︎ Sep 11 2020
A catholic priest walked into the wrong congregation
π︎ 24
π
︎ Oct 26 2020
What did the priest say to the nun at the salad bar?
Lettuce pray.
*very proud of this joke, wrote it yeas ago and it still makes me laugh every time. π
π︎ 193
π
︎ Jul 12 2020
A man goes to his church to ask the priest a question.
"How much does it cost to get a church-singing group?" the man asks.
The priest replies, "you mean, a choir?"
"Uh, okay, I didn't think that mattered. How much does it cost to acquire a church-singing group?"
π︎ 128
π
︎ Aug 21 2020
When the priest continued ministering, after having been officially censured, what did his bishop say to him?
What we have, here, is a failure to excommunicate.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 02 2020
A priest was getting very annoyed with his young parishioners during dinner time and said if they continued misbehaving even the cutlery would be punished.
One boy said to another: "What? the fork in hell?"
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 18 2020
A priest in a big church in Paris has a job interview with a new bell ringer. The priest asks βwhy should I hire you?β The applicant responded βI have a special talent!β
βOh, and what is this special talent?β Asked the priest.
The applicant walked up to the bells and slammed his face into the bell.
At first the priest was taken aback, but the sound from the bells was heavenly!
βYouβre hired!!β He exclaimed.
The applicant jumped around in excitement and slipped, falling off the side of the belfry to the ground below.
The priest ran downstairs and outside to the sidewalk where the bell ringer lay dead.
A bystander asked βwho is he?β
The priest responded βI donβt know his name, but his face sure rings a bell!β
π︎ 47
π
︎ Jul 19 2020
Why did the priest have to throw away the church?
Because it was parishable.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 19 2020
I went to a christening where the priest was wearing glasses, a fake nose, fake moustache and a wig...
It was a blessing in disguise
π︎ 9
π
︎ Aug 23 2020
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently itβs blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 09 2020
What did the priest say at the flooding river?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jul 11 2020
A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit, βWhatβll ya have?β
The rabbit says, βI dunno. Iβm only here because of Autocorrect.β
π︎ 59
π
︎ May 24 2020
[At the wedding] Priest: Repeat after me...
Groom: After me..
Priest, looking at bride: Is he serious?
Bride: No, his name is Mike.
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Mar 12 2019
A priest is sitting at a bar when a rabbi shows up. The rabbi says,
"well I walked right into that one, didn't I?"
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jun 06 2020
What did the priest say when he saw the image of Christ in a cheese?
π︎ 15
π
︎ Apr 14 2020
Why donβt catholic priest talk about molestation in the church?
π︎ 16
π
︎ May 14 2020
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.
He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
π︎ 369
π
︎ Oct 12 2019
The priest always skims through the bible on surface
Because the devil is in the details
π︎ 16
π
︎ Apr 15 2020
What did the priest say when he saw that the church was on fire?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Feb 18 2020
So a penguin, a priest and a giraffe walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says:
What is this, some sort of a joke?
π︎ 19
π
︎ Mar 23 2020
What do priests say to get rid of insects in the church?
π︎ 159
π
︎ Aug 03 2019
My lesbian friends wanted a Full House themed wedding, but the priest refused.
He didnβt want to marry Kate and Ashley.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 15 2020
What happens when you donβt pay the priest for your exorcism?
π︎ 97
π
︎ Aug 27 2019
What's the difference between priests and NASA?
Nasa haven't penetrated Uranus yet.
π︎ 24
π
︎ Sep 18 2019
If a priest is travelling at the speed of light...
π︎ 99
π
︎ May 20 2019
Priests that molest kids should be burned at the stake.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Sep 28 2019
Why did the priest refuse to learn trigonometry?
Because it is full of sin
π︎ 30
π
︎ Dec 04 2019
I forgot to pay the priest's bill for my daughter's exorcism..
π︎ 26
π
︎ Aug 23 2019
Since vampires are supposedly hurt by holy water, I always wondered why priests donβt just say a prayer over every storm cloud, kill the vampires from above. Then I realized why there are so many vampires from Europe...
Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa.
π︎ 311
π
︎ Aug 06 2018
The priest at our church wanted to do something different with the place where sacrifices are made...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 05 2019
I stopped returning calls and texting back the local catholic priest...
You could say I holy ghosted him.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 04 2020
What did the priest say to the salad before he ate it?
π︎ 327
π
︎ Aug 02 2020
What did the vegetable priest say to the congregation?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 28 2020
What did the priest say to the salad?
π︎ 35
π
︎ Aug 07 2020
What did the vegetarian priest say at church?
π︎ 16
π
︎ Oct 01 2020
A priest, a rabbit and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, βWhatβll ya have?β The rabbit says...
βI dunno. Iβm just here because of autocorrect.β
π︎ 29
π
︎ May 27 2020
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.
He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
π︎ 252
π
︎ May 16 2019
What do priests say to get rid of insects in the church?
π︎ 27
π
︎ Nov 27 2019
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
