Why can’t 2021 take a picture in the dark
because it doesn’t have flash
Son: "Dad, did you see pictures of that guy at the Capitol stealing Nancy Pelosi's podium? That's domestic terrorism!"
Dad: "Wrong, son. He was just taking a political stand."
Today, I checked out at the store, but the cashier kept taking pictures of herself with each item I was purchasing...
I'll never go thru the selfie checkout again!
The guy who takes pictures for Street View has a cool job.
He goes for Google Drives.
Why are there so few pictures of the 16th President?
Because he was always a blinkin'
After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room.
But she still won't admit she framed me.
My wife emailed me pictures of our wedding, but I couldn’t open any of the files.
I always have trouble with emotional attachments.
The day my daughter turns 18, I’m going to buy her a locket, put her picture in it, and when she opens it tell her:
“Well, I guess now you really are… independent"
When I was in high school in Belleville, ON, a young local artist spray-painted a beautiful picture on a large concrete wall under a bridge by the Moira river. He didn't get permission to do this, however, and the city eventually painted over it.
Watching his picture go like that must've been pretty demuralizing.
Picture this: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas.
Global chaos ensues.
The disease wipes out 99% of humanity, and the desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
Why did the picture go to jail?
Took a pretty good picture of the meteor shower a few days ago.
What is the difference between Jesus Christ and his picture?
His picture only requires one nail to hang
Son, do you know why was the picture sent to jail?
Just found this store by chance called Ollie’s. Aside from all the great liquidation sales, the walls are a pun gold mine! I felt it be a crime not to post pictures of it on here.
reddit.com/gallery/iij3ts
Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson showed me pictures of his kids on his phone.
He was pretty sedimental.
Guy #1: Check out these pictures I took of the wheat fields during my drive in the country
Guy #2: That would explain why they look so grainy
Every time I travel to a new city, I like to take a picture of myself in front of the tomes of books...
I just have to take shelfies!
My friend tries to impress women by drawing realistic pictures of the Ford F-150.
What do you call a picture of the Nasdaq?
I wonder who took a picture of that hose on the phone
People who aren't impressed by pictures of a Black Hole clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation.
Dad: Years ago I had the opportunity to meet R.E.M., and we even took a picture together with my buddies.
Son: Where are you in the photo?
Dad: That's me in the corner.
What did the picture tell the lawyer?
Why didn't Gordon Ramsey upvote the picture of the lamb Steak?
In the Disney animated picture, Ratatouille, Remy controls Linguini actions by pulling his hair, giving him a perfect palette. The little chef’s squeak is the only other voice Linguini ever really hears at home.
I guess you could say Remy is Linguini’s voice of season
My daughter turned 18 today, so I bought her a locket and put her picture in it. As I gently placed it around her neck, chocking back the tears, I said, "Well, sweetheart, I guess you really are..."
Have you ever seen a picture if Mt. Rushmore before the faces?
It was unpresidented beauty.
I spent $2000 on a top-of-the-line DSLR camera to take a picture of a beautiful wheat field at sunset...
I heard that Marvel is now sponsoring Uncle Ben's rice and changing the picture to Peter Parker's uncle.
The new slogan is "With great power comes great rice possibilities."
My friend the photographer always trims the outer edges of his pictures to be curved so that every edge is equidistant from the center...
He liked making crop circles.
i went to the doctor's woth my parents, and found out i have tapeworms in my stomach. the doctor showed us some pictures of tapeworms. and both my parents fainted.
i guess ive got a stomach for it
I saw a picture of Mt. Rushmore before the presidents' faces were carved into it
Its natural beauty was unpresidented
What did the artist say after finishing his huge picture sculptured of stone?
I was walking in the Himalayan mountains when a hairy creature came into view. I was about to snap a picture but it said, "do not take a picture of me at this moment."
[At the museum] My wife: Do you think we are allowed to take pictures?
Me: No, I think they need to stay on the wall.
The Oscar winner for Best Picture is a Bong hit.
My wife was hanging 7 pictures in a row on the wall when I told her should should hang 3 over 4.
It’s created a real division in our home.
My wife emailed me the pictures of our first date together, but I couldn’t open any of the files.
I have serious emotional attachment issues.
I wanted to share this picture of me throwing caution the wind (‘:
When Hurricane Dorian hits Florida, I'm going to check out my window for the clouds to get really grey. When they're at peak greyness I'll take a picture. That way Ill always have The Picture of Dorian Grey.
Why did the picture go to jail?
My daughter turned 18 today, so I bought her a locket and put her picture in it. As I gently placed it around her neck, chocking back the tears, I said, "Well, sweetheart, I guess you really are..."
Why was the picture sent to prison?
Why did the picture go to jail?
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