What did the pirate say when we were about to pull out of a parking spot?

“Shift it into Rrrrrr”

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👤︎ u/djbrain86
📅︎ Jul 05 2021
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Whilst reversing the car into a parking spot, I leaned over to my wife and said...

“Now this takes me back”

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📅︎ Sep 24 2020
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I was visiting my pregnant friend at the hospital, and the only parking spot I could find was in the C section.

I had to climb out of the sunroof.

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📅︎ May 27 2020
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People who pull forward into parking spots are living in the moment. Those who back up into the spot, are thinking about the future.
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📅︎ Nov 24 2019
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Want to park on a disable spot in the parking?

Easy, you just need to have parking son's

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👤︎ u/VishNossa
📅︎ Jan 22 2018
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There's this guy who's been staying in one spot at the park for days without sitting or laying. People are calling him super amazing. I personally just think..

he's out standing

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👤︎ u/Airicz
📅︎ Sep 13 2019
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what happened to the frog who parked in a handicapped spot?

he got toad

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📅︎ Dec 23 2017
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"I think we should park in the #7 spot..."

"why Dad?"

"it's prime."

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👤︎ u/NinjaCoder
📅︎ Jan 23 2016
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I am going through a lot....

But most of the parking spots are occupied.... So it's gonna take a while.

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📅︎ Apr 19 2020
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old maths teacher joke

Our teacher used to love that joke - 25 years ago...

.

A veteran maths teacher on a crap state-paid salary leaves his local mall and heads for his battered old car. When he has nearly reached it, he sees a big, expensive, luxury vehicle pulling into a parking spot nearby, and when the driver gets out he recognises him as one of the stupidest students he ever had.

He approaches him and the two get chating; and it turns out the guy buys and sells specialised cardboard-boxes which companies use to ship delicate goods in.

Finally the teacher says: "You really seem to have done well for yourself. I must admit that I am a bit surprised. Because you never really were all that talented in shool, were you?"

And the guy smiles and answers: "Yes, well, you know, there is not that much too it, really. I buy cardboard boxes for 1 dollar a piece, and I sell them for 4 dollars a piece. And I live off that 3% profit margin."

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👤︎ u/Scrugulus
📅︎ Aug 24 2017
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I could a-Ford the joke

Im pulling out of a parking spot, with my wife in the back with my toddler son.

Me: Do you see any cars?

Wife: No

Me: Then what are we riding in?!

Wife: You are trying my patience

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📅︎ Oct 14 2018
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My first official dadjoke

My first son was born late on Sunday night. My parents came to visit my family in the hospital today and my dad was telling me how they thought they had parked next to my car before they saw the parking spot was marked "Clergy Only".

I told him I could park there because I was a Father now.

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📅︎ May 30 2016
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My wife said this one was unbearable

Two naturalists spent the bulk of their lives studying bears in the Soviet Union. One was from Czechoslovakia and the other from Poland. When the USSR fell in December 1991 they were both old men, but they were excited about the prospect of finally getting the chance to study grizzlies in America. That following Spring they made arrangements to travel to Yellowstone to finally see the grizzlies.

When they arrived and informed the park rangers of their plan the rangers were alarmed, telling the scientists, "You can't go now. It's mating season, and the bears are very aggressive." But the former Soviets were insistent. "Please," they said, "We must go. We've waited our whole lives. We may never get another chance." Realizing the men couldn't be dissuaded, the rangers gave them a radio with instructions to report in with their location every day. The scientists set out, and for several days they reported dutifully that all was well.

On the third day, though, they failed to report in. Anxiously, the rangers sent out a search party to the scientists' last known location.

Unfortunately, the rangers discovered a bloody mess when they found the men's camp, and the tracks of two bears, a male and a female, leading off into the woods.

The rangers followed the tracks until suddenly they came upon the female grizzly, her muzzle still crimson with blood. They shot her and conducted an autopsy on the spot, sadly finding the remains of the Polish scientist inside her stomach.

"You know what this means, don't you?" said one ranger to the other. "Yes," the other replied, "The Czech is in the male."

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👤︎ u/keithdok
📅︎ Sep 09 2016
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Dadjoked my father-in-law

FIL, MIL, wife and I are in a car looking for a parking space, FIL driving. We're in a packed parking lot and he says to everyone, "look for a parking spot."

I point to a row of cars and say "there's a bunch right there!"

Wife says "none are empty, though."

I say "Yeah, but they're parking spots!"

FIL gave me the stink eye and sighed

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📅︎ Aug 30 2015
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Fiance dad joked me while parking the car

While pulling into the spot he exclaims, "I'm turning into a parking spot!" After he parks the car he looks at me and says with a straight face, "Don't worry, I'll turn back into me later."

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👤︎ u/cherrybear
📅︎ Jun 17 2014
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Shopping with Dad

Black Friday shopping with my dad and we make a trip out to the car to drop off our bags. There must have been no other parking spots left because as we were unloading, a car pulls up and asks us, "Are you two going out?" My dad replies, "No, we're related."

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📅︎ Sep 04 2013
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So there was a liquor store on the way home and my dad capitalized on its title...

My parents and I were on our way home for spring break when my dad noticed a liquor store called "The Wine Spot." He pulled into the parking lot and started complaining "I'M TIRED, MY FEET HURT, I DON'T WANT TO DRIVE HOME" and pulled right back out. I didn't get it at first but my mom did and then I quickly followed and just lost it. Best dad joke he's done so far :')

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👤︎ u/Farkuson
📅︎ Feb 28 2015
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In Honor of his Birthday, My dads ultimate go to (terrible) Dad Joke that he used every time and acted surprised when we finally caught on and stole his punch line

Walking through the mall.... They have a show model of a Buick that they are selling, sitting outside the food court...

My dad..everytime...without fail.....

"Would ja look at the parking spot THEY got!!!"

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📅︎ Nov 26 2014
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Not too kind of me to say... But I was proud of myself

Been a dad just over a year now - Trying to find a parking spot at the zoo with my wife, daughter, and our friend.

Blind kid and mother start to cross the street and my wife is afraid I'm going to hit them and makes it known. My response,

"Well, he wouldn't see it coming!" Laughed for far too long after that.

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📅︎ Apr 30 2014
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A parking dad joke

So the other day my dad had to drive me into my school and when we got in the parking lot there were no close spots open. Not except for the parking spots that were "for the reserved" which were given to the teachers. My dad said "Maybe I should change my name to reserved"

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📅︎ Apr 23 2014
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Heading in for an appointment...

If you've ever been to a hospital that has valet service, you know that they can sometimes drive like jerks.

So my dad and I were driving up the parking ramp to our parking space for an appointment (valet service is optional at this hospital), and one of the valet drivers was riding our ass the whole way. I said, "Damn, this guy in the Lincoln needs to slow down." My dad responded, "The valets here all drive like jerks." As we reached the parking spot the guy pretty much blew past. So then I chimed in with "You'd think people at a hospital would be more patient." And my dad just replied with a groan and a "gee whiz."

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📅︎ Jul 17 2014
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The recent post about the "Quackopotamous" reminded me...

When I was a wee lad, about 5 or 6 , my dad and I went to the beach on a vacation. I, having never seen the ocean, learned many new things, like how tides work, and how there's seemingly billions of white flying rats that the world calls Seagulls.

Fast forward a few weeks to us being back home in Kansas City, MO where no beaches or seagulls are to be found. My dad and I were running errands and found ourselves at the local Target, where in the parking lot I spotted dozens of white birds that looked eerily similar to the Seagulls I had learned about weeks before.

"Dad, what're those?" I inquired

"Oh, son those are called Parkinglotgulls. Yeah they're close cousins of the seagull!"

And that's how I came to call those white birds that flock around parking lots worldwide "Parkinglotgulls" even to this day.

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📅︎ Jan 22 2016
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More of a prank than a joke

I was sitting in a local Mexican food place with my wife having a late lunch and spot my 19yo daughter in the parking lot driving in her car with my 16yo daughter in the passenger seat. They were just returning from Vidcon.

They drove in front of the restaurant not noticing my wife's parked truck. I bolted out of the door of the restaurant and ran full tilt 500 yards across the parking lot following them all while ducking and weaving around cars so as not to be spotted. They pulled into a gas station on the other side of the parking lot from the restaurant just as I was able to sneak between the pumps and slam myself against her windshield and fall to the ground as if I had been hit. Then I flopped around on the ground like a fish.

It scared my 19yo daughter so bad she actually pee'd a little and couldn't stop crying. My 16yo was laughing so hard she couldn't breath.

I'm a bad Dad.

TL;DR: Bad father scared teenage daughter so bad she pee'd then cried.

Edit: Words

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👤︎ u/imdickie
📅︎ Jun 27 2014
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Nailed my coworker

So at work we're messing with the cashier who got three parking tickets in the same spot three days in a row. Later on in the night, she drops a couple dollar bills as she's organizing the money.

Fellow Worker: "You're cracking up!" Me: "Actually, it's a symptom of Parking-sons!"

Queue collective groans and a couple chuckles from everyone around.

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👤︎ u/Watertrap1
📅︎ Feb 14 2015
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I went to visit my friend at the hospital, and the only parking spot I found was in the C section.

I had to climb out of the sunroof.

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📅︎ Nov 21 2020
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I went to visit my pregnant friend in the hospital and found a parking spot in the C section of the parking lot.

I had to climb out of the sunroof.

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📅︎ Jun 22 2019
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I went to visit a friend at the hospital and found a spot in the “C” section of the parking lot.

I had to climb out of the sunroof.

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📅︎ May 07 2019
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