A painter forgets to paint the trim a different color.

The home owner comes out and says β€œThat’s all white.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Karrathan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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What do you call a painter who loves running through the grass?

Jackson Frolic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/propervernacular
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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What did the painter say after his vehicle was stolen?

Where’d the Van Gogh?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_Am_An_Engineer_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
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Why was Caravaggio the Italian painter penniless when he died?

Because he was Baroque.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/peted1111
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
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Today I was wearing a shirt with the family crest of my favorite painter Frida Kahlo. After a few hours I started to get hungry and ordered takeout. When my delivery person arrived he handed over my food without taking any money for bringing it to me. I asked him β€œHow come there’s no charge?”

He replied: I was going to charge you, but I noticed you had Frida Livery”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
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The town's sheriff, who was also a prolific painter, was once attacked by seven men but managed to fight them off single-handedly. It was because....

He was a Marshal artist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EvilSandwichMan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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What did the painter do when it got cold...

He put on another coat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LucianoMercuri__
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/v_i_k_i
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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Why do American painters always move to the Southwest?

The prefer CA,NV,AZ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Unleashtheducks
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
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A painter asks around the shop if anyone has seen his can of lacquer.

After no one knows where it is, the painter shrugs and says "huh, it must have varnished."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/morscordis
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
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My Dad: β€œDid you hear about the lousy painter who always wore a jacket?”

β€œHe thought one coat was enough”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrDarkSides
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
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Why was the painter mad at the sketch artist?

The painter was mad at the sketch artist because he was behaving "Sketchy" and he crossed the "Line".

heuueueueue.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2018
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What did the treasure hunt organizer say when people couldn't find the impressionist painter he'd hidden?

That wasn't very cache Monet of you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Weirfish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
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What do you call a painter on the run?

van Gone

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_thomaswatson
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
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The Cheating Painter

A man was a painter, he sold paint and also painted houses for people. However, he liked to water down the paint and thin it. He would cheat his customers by forcing them to buy more paint than they needed due to the low quality.

One day, while up on a ladder painting a house with his thinned paint a bolt of lightning struck at him and he fell to the ground.

He heard a deep booming voice from heaven yell "repaint and thin no more!"

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2015
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Have you heard about the classic painters subscription box?

It's a pay-as-you-van-Gogh model.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Socratio
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2018
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How did the painter display his master piece?

Easely

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πŸ‘€︎ u/univarseman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2017
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Painting a Church

A painter is desperate and bids low for a contract to paint the outside of a church. He figures he could still make a profit by adding water to the paint. He wins the contract.

He goes out one sunny day and after a long day's work, he finishes. Thunder cracks and the rain washes away the paint. A voice from the sky booms, "Repaint and thin no more!"

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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There was a suspicious β€˜accident’ at a construction site. The police investigated all the workers at the job site . . .

It looked like foul play. The mason wasn’t a suspect. He had a concrete alibi. The night of the accident he said he was with his girlfriend. She confirmed this. There was a wall of evidence. Consequently his alibi was rock solid and not just a facade. There was damning evidence that it was the plumber. They figured his alibi, that he was at the casino, wouldn’t hold water. But cameras showed fluid betting all night. This, obviously, threw a wrench in the investigation. The investigators followed a lead to the electrician. He had a shocking secret. It seems the electrician had been charged with battery only months earlier. But it was a dead end. They looked at the HVAC installer, but his alibi was airtight. Next, they tried to nail the Roofer, as he had been spouting off about the victim the day of the accident. But the roofer had been hammered all day. There was no way they could paint him as the cunning mastermind.

Then they saw the writing on the wall: the painter had both motive and opportunity. He was seen canvassing the accident site a few strokes before midnight when the accident occurred. The victim fell off a faulty ladder that was covered in finger paint. It seems the victim and the painter had a few brush-ins before. And it wasn’t a pretty picture. The painter was indicted, but despite all the evidence, the charges didn’t stick and the jury let him roll off clean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dirty_Entendre
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
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An old painter is quickly losing his vision

An old painter is quickly losing his vision, but wants to keep working despite being given many opportunities to retire. His boss wants to give younger painters a chance, but the old painter refuses to quit. One day he is assigned to restore a section of the Great Wall that has detailed ancient Chinese calligraphy painted on it. Because of his vision he ends up painting over much of the details in the art and royally screws up. After his boss finds out, he is given a talking to and is immediately fired.

I guess he just couldn’t see the writing on the wall.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/klausklass
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
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Book vs the Movie

My daughter read the book "The Talented Mr. Ripley" in her English class. Then we watched the movie starring Matt Damon and Jude Law (who plays Dickie). My daughter kept telling me what's different in the movie compared to the book..like Dickie is a painter not a musician, etc. After she telling me a bunch of differences, I asked "In the book, does Jude Law play Dickie?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thewhiskey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2017
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