The Padre Puns

Dad and I are leaving Home Depot and cross paths with a gentleman carrying some 2x4s over his shoulder through the crosswalk. He stops the car and turns to me with, "Looks like he's... walking the plank." Dad literally cant drive the car because he's doubled over the steering wheel crying. All I can do is meet the stares of fellow shoppers with the deadpan face of one who has just been dad-joked. I will become him one day.

We get to the crosswalk and the signal says "Wait."

My dad says 215 pounds and walks across.

Bob.

(It’s padre’s birthday and he just dug that one out of the depths of his memory...)

We are driving home from softball practice i was telling her about christian betancourt, the padres catcher who is going to be used as a pitcher. He will be the first guy in many many years to pitch and catch on the same team.

She looks at me straight faced and asks.....wait so you're saying hes going to pitch and catch at the same time?

(( padre is Spanish for Dad ))

my supervisor calls a coworker over

my coworker replies with "voy" (( voy translates to I'm going ))

I peek my head out the cubicle and say "no, girl."

...

my coworker doesn't like me.