I actually said this. I dropped a pack of steaks on the floor at the grocery store
I looked down and said "i guess thats how they make ground beef" another customer got a kick out of it.
Got the new expansion pack for my treadmill
A priest in the woods has been attacked by a pack of wolves. In a moment of desperation, the priest started to ask God how to get out of this situation.
The wolves may be predators but he pray
My roomba went out my front door and a pack of bears attacked it, an eagle carried it away to the ocean, and a shark finished it off.
A true story: My boyfriend and I were in the dairy aisle of the grocery store. He tosses a pack of sliced cheese into the cart it ricochets and falls to the floor. “Kobe!” I shout. “No.” He says in a disappointed tone...
Husband: Honey! Pack your bags, I just won the lottery...
Wife: That’s wonderful, honey! Where are we going?
Husband: “We’re” not going anywhere.
Why didn't the photon pack a suitcase?
What does the Pope say when he wants to bless a pack of cigarettes?
Did you hear about the first Neanderthal to get an 8-pack?
I guess you could say he’s ab-original.
Where did the swimmer pack everything for his vacation?
Tonight I took my son to hockey practice and realized my wife forgot to pack his jersey from the dryer.
She told me she had everything, and I was in a rush. So it got left behind. Figured it out right away as we were getting him changed and messaged my wife. She said she would bring it right away. I told my son "You mom is going to run your jersey over"
Without skipping a beat, he replied "Well that won't work, practice will probably be over. I wish she would just drive it over"
Then he gave me a huge grin. I told him he won the dad joke of the day and he continued smiling all the way until bedtime.
My camping trip to the beautiful country of Iceland was ruined by a pack of wild dogs
They just wouldn’t stop Björking
Native Australians were the first to develop the six pack muscle in their belly.
What did the skydiver say when her pack didn't open?
I went to the store to buy a 6-pack of Sprite
But I accidentally picked 7-Up
A guy walks up to the convenience store counter and tries to buy a six pack with a fake $20 bill.
The elderly woman clerk quickly realized it was fake and became enraged!! She started screaming, grabbed his hair and slammed his head on the counter until he was out cold.
She was SO upset she had a counter fit.
The guy at 7 eleven asked if I wanted 10 free packs of Tic-Tacs with my purchase, and I asked him under what condition?
I accidentally dropped a whole pack of starch into the pot while cooking.
It was a thickening experience.
My kids are running the mile today in school. I told them to pack extra pairs of socks and shoes.
Because that's a lot of feet
I grabbed a pack of hot dogs while my son and I were at the store..
He said, "We have 10 weiners!" I corrected him and told him, " No, that's only 8." He paused for a few seconds to build up the suspense and says, " I don't know about you, but i have one!"
He's 8.
A man & his son are selling carob on the beach. The man sees pirates coming and quickly packs up. The son asks, "what's wrong".
Dad says, "those are pirates of the carob-eating"
The pharmacy only had one pack of laxatives left, so I bought them.
Did you hear about the first Australian to ever develop a six pack?
What did the smoker say when he ran out of smokes and found a cigarette pack?
In the 12th century, one African nation planned to utilize giraffes as pack animals to carry supplies between warring nations. However, the giraffes kept escaping. It was the first recorded instance of giraffe dodging.
Why did the baby elephant have to pack light for its trip?
It only had a little trunk.
I was lying on the floor today, repeatedly lifting a 12-pack of Coke up and down off my chest...
...and all I could think was, "This is soda-pressing."
I went to the shop to pick up a 6 pack of Sprite
It was only when I got home and realised I picked 7-Up
So, I'm waiting in the check out line carrying a 30 pack of Coors Light.
When the lady in front of me looks at me and says.
Lady: That beer look real heavy.
Me: Well ma'am, it says right here on the box that it's light beer.
My three dachshunds are all huddled up under the electric blanket. You could say that I have a pack of hot dogs.
i.reddituploads.com/83429…
My dad likes to help cut up all of our cardboard boxes in the garage, and compactly pack them for recycling...
I joked with him about how the boxes are piling up and I need him to cut them up. He lives overseas so he said that if I buy his plane ticket, he'll come and do the work.
I told him that my gardener Ebodio will cut the boxes if I ask him to, and much less money.
To make my dad feel better, I (half-jokingly) say that Ebodio's technique is not as good and he will be slower, but he'll be a whole lot cheaper.
My dad's response:
"I feel like I am being undercut"
At The UPS Store we're called the pack and ship experts
But i prefer professional boxer
My son asked why the xmas selection packs were so expensive at the supermarket...
I explained that it's because they are out of season.
Why did the celiac get so excited when she received 2 free 5 packs of adhesive?
Breaking news: there is a pack of wild dogs rampaging through the countryside.
But police say they have no leads.
What did the skydiver say when her pack didn't open?
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