What do you call the ancestors of the modern day scissors?
Prede-scissors
What's the modern way to donate to the church?
Papal Paypal!
A man recently ran up to me announcing that he was a primary color, then instructed me to perform a modern dance trend on the fourth letter of the alphabet and food coloring.
He said "I'm blue, dab a D, dab a dye".
Did you hear the Journal of Modern Medicine rejected an article about Midol?
The editor said it was not current at all, but more of a period piece!
The Titanic II is a modern-day replica of the RMS Titanic and is scheduled to set sail in 2022. It's creators do not believe it will relive the tragedy of it's predecessor because
that was an ice-olated incident.
A pirate is transported to modern day and stumbles upon a lumber mill while looking for work. When the pirate is asked if he knows how to use any of the tools...
He replies, "Arkansas".
I can only imagine the frustration behind the making of modern Looney Tunes shows.
There has to be a lot of Bugs in the programs they use.
Eventually, we’re all doomed to end up in super modern offices where the walls are whiteboards
The writing is on the wall
Modern grammar Nazis: the alt-write
At the museum, I turned to the attendant and said, “I suppose this horrible thing is what you call Modern Art, right!”
Attendant: Sir, that’s a mirror.
A modern man tries to take a women from the Stone Age on a date.
She wanted to go see a rock and roll concert but since he was cheap he took her for granite.
Modern technology has never matched the simplicity and grace of the traditional pen.
In fact, there is still no e-quill.
In 1902 Willis Carrier invented the first modern air conditioner
What a cool idea
What does the transport of large river-dwelling mammals have in common with the father of modern medicine?
They're both Hippocrates.
