This was known as the Big Bang hypothesis.
Joke by Terry Pratchett, ‘The Colour of Magic’, Prologue.
He actually grew up in Ukraine in the 1980’s and was able to count at least 8 historical inaccuracies on one hand.
I said, “they’re a yellow cartoon family with Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie”
They’re both cauldron
Butt willy?
A quick game of fuck, fuck, moose.
They'd gone together dressed as the number 10...
I knew there and then that she was the One!!
The obstetrician came to the bridge, squinted into the night and said:
"Congratulations, Captain. It's a buoy!"
....but she enjoys the craic.
Because the pride comes before the fall!
The other T-shirt replied : Nothing much. Just hanging out here.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
For instance, Kang the Conqueror is a fictional supervillain appearing in American comic books published by Marvel Comics. In 2009, Kang was ranked as IGN's 65th Greatest Comic Book Villain of All Time
or
In the Simpsons , Kang is a Rigellian from Rigel 7. He and his sister Kodos continuously try to take over Earth and are usually seen attacking Springfield. Kang and Kodos have a lot of space weaponry at hand and have their own spaceship. They speak the Rigellian language, which, by coincidence, is identical to English. Although they look identical, Kang has a deeper voice than Kodos.
I guess you could say Skippy is a Kang Guru...
I got mad and walked out. After 3 years of being college flatmates, he doesn't even know my name is Tom.
We like to talk about spreadsheets.
He says it will be a very gritty read.
Duckumentary
I love the pitta patter of tiny Pete
"Type: Radioactive Fallout, 7d6"
The man says, “It’s not a lion it’s a giraffe”
The Czech mate.
"Oh hi Bill! We were just discussing the promiscuous mating habits of blood-sucking arachnids." Bill abruptly grabs his tray and stands up to leave.
"Sorry guys. I don't discuss poly ticks at work."
They are going cheap
I'm completely in the Nile.
One called Justin and the other called Kristian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area:
Finally one day Justin said to Kristian. "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."
A large mysterious cod appeared and said. "Your wish is granted" Low and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn..
He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam to Kristian's home. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted. "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."
Kristian replied. "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner." Justin cried back. "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed....... I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Kristian!!.. 🤪🤣
He's going to sue for funfair dismissal
Since I did most of the planning, I took the lion's share.
What did Prince Charming realize when the glass shoe fit Cinderella's feet?
That she was his sole-mate
One said to the other i wont get the job i not good at questions. Dont worry said the other i go in first and i will tell you the answers? So he goes in the boss said to him; If i poke you in the left eye what would happen. I would go half blind. If i poke you right eye what would happen. I would go fully blind. Congratulations you have got the job. Send the other candidate in. As the other candidate was going in the he said the answers are Half blind and Fully blind. Thanks mate and goes to see the boss. Right said the boss if i cut your ear off what would happen. I would go half blind. Okay said the boss if i cut your other ear off what would happen. I would go fully blind. The boss looks puzzled and said how do you make that out. He said thats obvious.
My cap would fall over my eyes!!
Guy spots some mushrooms on the ground and asks "reckon we'll have some fun if we ate them?"
His mate says "Mushrooms aren't fun Guy"
Which came the reply "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
And I had to throw in my two cents.
Because it's too-wet-to-woo
On the way down he meets a chap with no parachute moving up wards. He shouts to him, Hey mate know anything about parachutes? The chap coming up shout No but do you know anything about gas cookers?
He'd walk back with the crisps stuffed up his jumper then say, "Look how much weight I've put on just by going to the bar!" Then pull the crisps out and say, "Only joking!" I wish he'd been my Dad. So proud.
It was a red herring.
He says to the bloke behind the counter,
“Do you do fishcakes?”
The man behind the counter nods his head and smiles.
“Yeah mate.”
Customer points to the cod under his arm.
“Better make him one then mate, it’s his birthday.”
Before I start; a golden gaytime is an ice cream that's pretty big in Australia.
So we went to the servo to get an ice cream. We were having a look when my cousin says "Hmm, I think I might have a Gaytime", to which I replied "Well when you're done just buy an ice cream and meet us at home."
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualisticbird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow." "Freeze a jolly good fellow."
Back story... sitting in the garden, social distancing bbq. One of our mates has a baby who was looking for food and such. I came out with a pack of skips crisp. Baby’s mum said ‘gotta be careful, it’s got salt in it’,
To my amazement I said ‘ they contain salt!’ To which my partner replies... why do u think there so addictive’
With out thinking i spluted’ so if I put salt on my dick it will be ad-dick-tive!
No one laughed but me.
They are both cauldron.
They're both cauldron.
They're both cauldron.
They're both cauldron.
