Why did The Joker have to sleep with his lights on?
Because he was afraid of the Dark Knight.
—
My 9yr old son just told me this 🤪
Ding heres a light joke to brighten up the world(three jokes in one) (;
A woman driving a minivan with 7 hyperactive kids gets pulled over for running a red light. The cop says “Don’t you know when to stop?” The woman says...
Someone recently came back from surgery after an accident with their eye. They got a new eye and a mechanical cover that can shine light while covering the eye
The doctors called it eyeLEDs
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
My wife dared doubt my craftsmanship when I was changing over the light switch.
Haha, she's in for a shock
I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted.
But the fifth one— dead Sirius.
I can't believe the lights in the public bathroom went out
now i can't see Jack shit
I saw a woman at the gas station pumping gas and trying to light a cigarette
I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire.
The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire. Then they gave her a ticket!
After they came inside I asked why they gave her a ticket. Turns out she didn't have a license for that firearm.
Why did the murderer turn on the lights?
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb
Why didn’t the light rain hit the target?
ba dum tss (sorry for the light mode)
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
Damn we just missed the green light, this is gonna be heavy!
Because it will be a Full Wait
What did the stop light say to the car?
Stop! Don't look, I'm changing!
What happened to the scientist when he broke the speed of light?
The seven dwarves have been told they can meet in groups of 6 from Monday, in light of corona virus changes
Don’t get mad at the hallway light switch that keeps shocking you
It’s just reminding you of your potential.
Just got back from an interview as a housesitter. The lady said it involved some light housekeeping.
I've answered 'I've never kept a lighthouse before, but I'm willing to try'.
She said she'll give me a call.
Making light of the situation
I turned the light on.
It’s nothing, I just got the switch up
The lights went out at the gym, and the bodybuilders were fumbling around for their protein shakes...
Just couldn't find their whey in the dark.
My wife wanted to buy a ceiling light. She said, “this one comes with a hanging chain but I think we should just mount it flush with the ceiling.”
I said, “that would be off the chain.”
Today I tried to turn the lights on
They couldn't see my G-string in the dark
Yesterday, I crossed the road, changed a light bulb and walked into a bar.
My life is turning into a joke
One thing is almost certain about the adult entertainment industry in light of covid-19:
Max Sweet and Eliza Stakes are robbing a bank when suddenly the lights come on
Max turns and says, " Miss Stakes, we're made"
I was hired to represent the hard outer layers of cereal grain in a positive light and by doing so help to increase awareness and sales.
Why did the traffic light go red?
Because it saw a pretty car.
What do you call soup traveling at the speed of light
I hate it when I get blinded by light in the morning.
I like to sleep with the lights on.
It helps me dream up bright ideas.
Did you hear about the guy that stopped at a red light?
Apparently, new government advice in light of the toilet paper shortage is to use lettuce leaves when using the toilet.
It's the tip of the iceberg (courtesy of my dad).
This light in the bathroom at my office has been out for a year. Today it was finally replaced. One might say it was the “highlight” of my day
In light of current events, I've been doing some self reflection and I came to the conclusion that I need to be more like a German child.
I had a hard time figuring out how to turn on the lights in my new apartment.
My daughter has to screen the light from windows and doors in order to get ideas...
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
This remote at my gfs operates the lights and fans. Its very fan-see if you ask me.
They took down the traffic lights in my town
They sure have a roundabout way of doing things.
🤦🏻♂️
The lights in the Chinese restaurant were too bright
so I asked if they could dim sum.
In light of the recently release video of the democrats vs republicans asking why they are holding off the vote
What did the democrat say to the republican at the dinner?
Will you pass the bill already?!
There are 6 men on a boat with a pack of cigarettes, but nothing to light it with. So, they threw one cigarette overboard, and the boat became a cigarette lighter.
If a priest is travelling at the speed of light...
I always thought that organizing the Amsterdam Light Festival would be a heavy task
But it turns out to be quite light
Why was Thomas Edison able to invent the light bulb?
Because he was very bright
Did you know milk is faster than the speed of light?
It’s pasteurized before you know it.
Between songs, a flickering orange light glows near the band’s speakers
Son: His amp is on fire!
Dad: it’s an amplifire!
I got into bar fight and shoved a guy into a light switch on the wall.
He looked at me and said, “OH, ITS ON NOW!”
What did God say after he separated the light from the darkness?
I think I'll call it a day.
I've been caught in light rainstorms while hiking before, but the mountain I was on this weekend was rainier.
My friend always wears this jacket which has LED lights stitched onto the back.
He is such a LED-back person.
The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve particles that move faster than light."
A tachyon walks into a bar.
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, “what are you going to do now?”
God said, “I think I’m going to call it a day.”
Why did the traffic light turn red?
It was embarrassed to change in the street!
You matter. That is, until you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared...
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
The lights in my house just went out so I have to call an electrician.
I’m unable to deal with the current situation.
My daughter is trying to light a fire at camp and it just WOULDN'T light. Turn to her and tell her it's because the firewood is bad. "How can you Tell" she asks..
Because the wood is naughty.
The man was absolutely delighted when somebody stole all of his lights!
I'll never forget the day I was born. All those flashing lights and unfamiliar faces.
I don't think my parents should've taken me to a nightclub at that age.
Why didn't the dim light bulb go to college
I took my gf Alice to see the Northern lights
She didn’t seem interested, so I asked...
Does the Aurora BoreyouAlice?
Doctor used some light sedation for my procedure the other day.
Not sure if it was working though because I didn’t feel a thing.
In a one story house the walls are blue, the chairs are blue, the floor is blue, the lights are blue, the living room is blue, the bedrooms are blue, the kitchen is blue, even the air has a blueish tint. What color are the stairs?
The house is ONE STORY it has no stairs.
I heard some scientists were surprised when they discovered a particle that moves faster than the speed of light.
I guess they just didn’t see it coming
I like how they light the Olympic torch near Athens, then it stays lit all the way to the opening ceremony.
I guess it's hard to put out a Greece fire.
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
My wife recommended I do some light reading to relax at the end of the day...
Not really relaxing as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out "60 Watts - Made in China".
What kind of light is the worst for the naked eye?
I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted.
The fifth one was dead sirius.
Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
Yesterday, I changed a light bulb, crossed the street and walked into a bar
What happened to the sunbeam that exceeded the speed of light?
Today, I crossed the street, changed a light bulb, and walked into a bar.
What did the traffic light say to the car as it passed?
"Don't look I'm changing!"
What did the traffic light say to the car?
“Don’t look, I’m about to change!”
What did the traffic light say to the car as it passed?
"Don't look I'm changing!"
What did the traffic light say to the car as it passed?
"Don't look I'm changing!"
What did one traffic light say to the other?
I found the first four books in the Harry Potter series to be quite light hearted.
The fifth was dead Sirius.
What did the Red light say to the Green light?
Don't look at me I'm changing!
What did the traffic light say to the car as it passed?
"Don't look I'm changing!"
What did the Red light say to the Green light?
Don't look at me I'm changing!
What did the Red light say to the Green light?
Don't look at me I'm changing!
What did the Red light say to the Green light?
Don't look at me I'm changing!
What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don’t look, I’m changing!
What did the traffic light say to ther car?
"Don't look I'm changing!"
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