Did you hear that a car full of garlic, ginger, and lemongrass ran a red light in the middle of the city, injuring tens of people?
It was a fragrant disregard for public safety.
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︎ Mar 20 2021
In light of his record with these mega-projects, Elon Musk's proposed new Miami-tunnel gives new meaning to the term
"car-pool tunnel syndrome."
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︎ Feb 15 2021
The barman says, βSorry, we donβt serve faster-than-light particles in here.β
A faster-than-light particle walks into a bar.
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︎ Dec 22 2020
You are lost in winter but find a cabin. You find it has a fireplace, a kerosene lamp and a stove, but you only have one match. What item in the cabin do you light first?
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︎ Jan 24 2021
Ding heres a light joke to brighten up the world(three jokes in one) (;
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︎ Sep 16 2020
I can't believe the lights in the public bathroom went out
now i can't see Jack shit
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︎ Aug 23 2020
The seven dwarves have been told they can meet in groups of 6 from Monday, in light of corona virus changes
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︎ May 30 2020
One thing is almost certain about the adult entertainment industry in light of covid-19:
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︎ Mar 25 2020
This light in the bathroom at my office has been out for a year. Today it was finally replaced. One might say it was the βhighlightβ of my day
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︎ Feb 06 2020
I hate it when I get blinded by light in the morning.
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︎ Apr 11 2020
I had a hard time figuring out how to turn on the lights in my new apartment.
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︎ Dec 30 2019
I was hired to represent the hard outer layers of cereal grain in a positive light and by doing so help to increase awareness and sales.
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︎ May 16 2020
Apparently, new government advice in light of the toilet paper shortage is to use lettuce leaves when using the toilet.
It's the tip of the iceberg (courtesy of my dad).
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︎ Mar 18 2020
In light of current events, I've been doing some self reflection and I came to the conclusion that I need to be more like a German child.
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︎ Mar 25 2020
I found the first four books in the Harry Potter series to be quite light hearted.
The fifth was dead Sirius.
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︎ Apr 28 2019
In light of the recently release video of the democrats vs republicans asking why they are holding off the vote
What did the democrat say to the republican at the dinner?
Will you pass the bill already?!
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︎ Nov 01 2019
My daughter has to screen the light from windows and doors in order to get ideas...
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︎ Feb 05 2020
They took down the traffic lights in my town
They sure have a roundabout way of doing things.
π€¦π»ββοΈ
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︎ Jan 13 2020
The lights in the Chinese restaurant were too bright
so I asked if they could dim sum.
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︎ Dec 30 2019
The lights in my house just went out so I have to call an electrician.
Iβm unable to deal with the current situation.
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︎ May 21 2019
I've been caught in light rainstorms while hiking before, but the mountain I was on this weekend was rainier.
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︎ Oct 04 2019
(Turn the dome light on in the car before you start climbing a hill)
Wait till some one asks why you did that.
"I needed to make the car lighter to climb this hill"
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︎ Dec 10 2016
In a one story house the walls are blue, the chairs are blue, the floor is blue, the lights are blue, the living room is blue, the bedrooms are blue, the kitchen is blue, even the air has a blueish tint. What color are the stairs?
The house is ONE STORY it has no stairs.
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︎ Jul 31 2019
We work in the dark to serve the light
Assassins?
No, electricians.
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︎ Jan 22 2019
Was working under the sink in the dark, and my wife asked if I needed a light.
I told her no thanks, I don't smoke.
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︎ Apr 14 2019
On my way in to work this morning I saw a guy who was really upset about the weather. He was so mad that he threw some punches at the light rain. - RS
I donβt think any of his punches connected. You might say he mist.
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︎ Mar 13 2019
In the supermarket, my son and I saw a cashier holding a customer's note up to the light.
"Is that counterfeit?" my son asked.
I said, "Don't be silly, son. Counters don't exercise."
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︎ Nov 24 2018
What Jewish light phenomenon occurs in the northern sky?
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︎ Dec 03 2018
The floor indicator light in the elevator of my local office is broken and rarely gives the correct floor number...
It's wrong on so many levels.
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︎ Aug 04 2017
She lights up the room, every time she walks in...
...then again, sheβs the only one who knows where the light switch is.
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︎ May 05 2018
So, I'm waiting in the check out line carrying a 30 pack of Coors Light.
When the lady in front of me looks at me and says.
Lady: That beer look real heavy.
Me: Well ma'am, it says right here on the box that it's light beer.
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︎ Nov 04 2016
The kids and I went to visit a historic light house in Maine...
But I don't get it, that house seemed pretty heavy to me
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︎ Mar 13 2018
When "every" light in the house is on.
I didn't know you started working for the electric company...
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︎ Nov 06 2013
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