Did you hear that a car full of garlic, ginger, and lemongrass ran a red light in the middle of the city, injuring tens of people?

It was a fragrant disregard for public safety.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dumbwaeguk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
In light of his record with these mega-projects, Elon Musk's proposed new Miami-tunnel gives new meaning to the term

"car-pool tunnel syndrome."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
The barman says, β€œSorry, we don’t serve faster-than-light particles in here.”

A faster-than-light particle walks into a bar.

πŸ‘︎ 273
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/snrckrd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
You are lost in winter but find a cabin. You find it has a fireplace, a kerosene lamp and a stove, but you only have one match. What item in the cabin do you light first?

The match.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/leetrd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Ding heres a light joke to brighten up the world(three jokes in one) (;
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheHotSouthWinds
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I can't believe the lights in the public bathroom went out

now i can't see Jack shit

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yesterdaddy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
The seven dwarves have been told they can meet in groups of 6 from Monday, in light of corona virus changes

One of them isn't happy

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jlit2000
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
One thing is almost certain about the adult entertainment industry in light of covid-19:

It's going tits up.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
This light in the bathroom at my office has been out for a year. Today it was finally replaced. One might say it was the β€œhighlight” of my day
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mojoson24
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I hate it when I get blinded by light in the morning.

That sun of a bitch

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/poorly_timed_fuck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a hard time figuring out how to turn on the lights in my new apartment.

Then it clicked.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kawaii_PotatoUwU
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I was hired to represent the hard outer layers of cereal grain in a positive light and by doing so help to increase awareness and sales.

I'm a bran ambassador.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Apparently, new government advice in light of the toilet paper shortage is to use lettuce leaves when using the toilet.

It's the tip of the iceberg (courtesy of my dad).

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nathd1991
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
In light of current events, I've been doing some self reflection and I came to the conclusion that I need to be more like a German child.

I need to be kinder.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/strmgdndl
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I found the first four books in the Harry Potter series to be quite light hearted.

The fifth was dead Sirius.

πŸ‘︎ 216
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
🚨︎ report
In light of the recently release video of the democrats vs republicans asking why they are holding off the vote

What did the democrat say to the republican at the dinner?

Will you pass the bill already?!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moose_da_goose
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter has to screen the light from windows and doors in order to get ideas...

She shudders to think...

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
🚨︎ report
They took down the traffic lights in my town

They sure have a roundabout way of doing things. πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
🚨︎ report
The lights in the Chinese restaurant were too bright

so I asked if they could dim sum.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
The lights in my house just went out so I have to call an electrician.

I’m unable to deal with the current situation.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Haas19
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I've been caught in light rainstorms while hiking before, but the mountain I was on this weekend was rainier.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
(Turn the dome light on in the car before you start climbing a hill)

Wait till some one asks why you did that.

"I needed to make the car lighter to climb this hill"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/J0sz3fB0Y
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2016
🚨︎ report
In a one story house the walls are blue, the chairs are blue, the floor is blue, the lights are blue, the living room is blue, the bedrooms are blue, the kitchen is blue, even the air has a blueish tint. What color are the stairs?

The house is ONE STORY it has no stairs.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RICK-THE-STICk3
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
We work in the dark to serve the light

Assassins?

No, electricians.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mau230404
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Was working under the sink in the dark, and my wife asked if I needed a light.

I told her no thanks, I don't smoke.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nkillgore
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
🚨︎ report
On my way in to work this morning I saw a guy who was really upset about the weather. He was so mad that he threw some punches at the light rain. - RS

I don’t think any of his punches connected. You might say he mist.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RKOouttaSomewhere
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
In the supermarket, my son and I saw a cashier holding a customer's note up to the light.

"Is that counterfeit?" my son asked.

I said, "Don't be silly, son. Counters don't exercise."

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
🚨︎ report
What Jewish light phenomenon occurs in the northern sky?

Menorah borealis

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HHStorm21
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2018
🚨︎ report
The floor indicator light in the elevator of my local office is broken and rarely gives the correct floor number...

It's wrong on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2017
🚨︎ report
She lights up the room, every time she walks in...

...then again, she’s the only one who knows where the light switch is.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pixel_juice
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2018
🚨︎ report
So, I'm waiting in the check out line carrying a 30 pack of Coors Light.

When the lady in front of me looks at me and says.

Lady: That beer look real heavy.

Me: Well ma'am, it says right here on the box that it's light beer.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/muzzy_logan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2016
🚨︎ report
The kids and I went to visit a historic light house in Maine...

But I don't get it, that house seemed pretty heavy to me

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Origamibyameer1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2018
🚨︎ report
When "every" light in the house is on.

I didn't know you started working for the electric company...

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2013
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.