I just finished painting a customer’s home and they were surprised with the bill...

Them: β€œYou’ve factored in all the labour, but what about the paint?” Me: β€œIt’s on the house”

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Thank you

This isn't a dad joke. This is a thank you to everyone on this subreddit. 6 weeks ago the love of my life broke things off with me due to factors attributed to my mental health (which i didn't tell her about because she is struggling with uni and i didn't want her to worry) and I've been having an extremely difficult time coming to terms with it. She's falling for another guy while I've been self destructing to the point where she never wants to talk to me again. But i found this subreddit today, the jokes are so stupid and funny that for the first time since before the breakup, I've laughed and it was genuine. Thank you so much for your stupid jokes. You've saved my life as far as I'm concerned. I still have a long way to to, but this subreddit is definitely going to get me through it. Thank you πŸ’–

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xcixjames
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My math teacher said that I'm a terrible student

How mean! If I had to sum it up, I would say that’s not the best mode to say that to me. Maybe they should try to factor in the student’s feelings when telling them they need to tell them they need to fix their grade. I told them to factor that in next time, but they just couldn’t see my logic.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Doogasa34
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
You all know how 7 ate 9, right?

I suppose it was pretty obvious. 7 always was an odd number. Even 10 wasn’t shocked. 11 was all primed for the party, but when he factored in the whole situation, 12 split for (4) 3’s house.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rockslacasa
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Getting our things home after vacation

We're on vacation, and due to work and other factors we are all heading home at different times on different flights. My mom says to my dad:

"Can we discuss how we're getting shit home?"

"Well it'll be way easier if you go to the bathroom and just leave it here"

EDIT: a few minutes later, my Mom needed help fitting something into one of our bags. She asked my dad for a hand. He clapped.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/plammy_sosa
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.