Got this idea from the bilingual keyboard emoji suggestions...
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︎ Jan 26 2021
So yall know how people used wooden dentures in the 19th century? I wonder if women ever tried or thought of using the same idea to increase boob size.
That would be something, now wooden tit?
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︎ Jan 11 2021
The skipper of a 40 ton trawler which ran aground in Hull during the early hours of Sunday was reported to be 6 times over the legal limit for sailing. Authorities said they had no idea what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning.
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︎ Dec 28 2020
I found a knife at the bottom of my ornament box (no idea why) so I picked it up and announced ββtwas the knife before Christmas!β
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︎ Dec 13 2020
i have no idea how so many people didnβt make it out the labyrinth
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︎ Jan 11 2021
I was replaying Wind Waker recently after having binged BNHA, and the idea popped into my head.
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︎ Dec 12 2020
Iβm sick of having great little ideas all the time, I think I have...
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︎ Jan 03 2021
My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
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︎ May 06 2020
My wife didnβt like my idea to market a line of belts with little clocks built into the buckle.
She said it was a waist of time.
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︎ Nov 16 2020
My wife went into labor today, so I read the front page of /r/DadJokes to her as a distraction from the pain. Unfortunately, she didnβt laugh once, was clearly not amused and I have no idea why...
It must have been the delivery...
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︎ Aug 26 2020
Iβm pretty open to the idea of getting bionics
Honestly, Iβd pay an arm and a leg for them!
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︎ Oct 04 2020
Shout out to whoever first came up with the idea to shred cheese.
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︎ Aug 05 2020
People might like the idea of driving a transparent car, but I donβt.
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︎ Aug 01 2020
I got a parking ticket for being parked illegally the other day and Iβve no idea why. I mean...
The sign clearly said, βFine for parkingβ.
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︎ Jul 20 2020
Or the colon had a great idea
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︎ May 16 2020
I had no idea my wife put a fake mustache on the squash
When I went to grab it, it caught me off gourd.
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︎ Aug 04 2020
At first I didn't like the idea of sex
But after my first orgasm I came to my senses
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︎ Jul 12 2020
My Music Pun of the Week. I have to change it Every. Single. Week. I'm running out of ideas.
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︎ Jul 02 2019
I have a great business idea but i need someone to help me. I go to the toilet and you tie up bits of string.
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︎ Mar 24 2020
Her: I have no idea how the science behind human cloning works.
Me: That makes two of us.
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︎ Jan 30 2020
Girlfriend told me to play with boomerangs, i told her to throw that idea out of the window
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︎ Apr 21 2020
While redoing the hardwood my wife thought it would be a good idea to toss me a plank. It hit me in the head.
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︎ Feb 02 2020
Any idea why they keep saying the letter E is a man?
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︎ Apr 10 2020
I was hanging out with my sister the other day and she showed me a meme. I had not idea what it meant so I asked her
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︎ Mar 31 2020
Son: Dad, according to the manual, itβs not a good idea to have the volume of your phone turned up to the maximum.
Dad: Thatβs sound advice.
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︎ Jul 14 2018
I hired a firm to create an advertising campaign for me. Their idea was to use workbench clamps to hold the ads up for viewing.
I think that's just bad ad vise.
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︎ Feb 25 2020
The headline writer for this article had waited years for this moment. Though it is rumoured his final idea came to him on the tube...
bbc.co.uk/news/uk-englandβ¦
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︎ Jan 12 2020
Most people would prefer to have the time off between Christmas and New Year, but I have a better idea.
I'd like to have the time off between New Year and Christmas.
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︎ Jan 01 2020
I used to be obsessed with the idea of playing football with random items of clothing. However, after stealing from a nun's wardrobe to feed my addiction, I soon saw the error of my ways.
It was a difficult habit to kick.
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︎ Nov 05 2019
My daughter has to screen the light from windows and doors in order to get ideas...
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︎ Feb 05 2020
So my son decided to have the idea to put $300 in the freezer.
I guess u could call it, "cold hard cash"
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︎ Sep 19 2019
My son keeps trying to swim inside the house... So I came up with this idea that Iβm starting to feel REALLY GOOD about.
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︎ Dec 09 2019
The death penalty isn't a bad idea in concept, but...
I'm not happy with the execution.
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︎ Nov 02 2019
This shop Scot the idea π΄σ §σ ’σ ³σ £σ ΄σ Ώ
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︎ Dec 29 2017
A worker tells his boss about a great idea. The boss says "let me think about it" then pulls a bad 80's wig from his desk and puts it on. The worker asks "what's that for?"
The boss says "I need to mull-it over..."
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︎ Nov 12 2019
Why is it when someone births an idea, it's the idea that becomes apparent instead of the person?
If the idea is birthed, it should be achild
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︎ Aug 05 2019
Ideas for months of the year puns?
Hi, could someone help me out with puns for the months of the year? January was Jan-new-ary, February was Feb-boo-ary, etc.
Just April would be great and if possible, the rest of the year
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︎ Apr 01 2019
When I was a kid, my Dad asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I was greedy and came up with the βbrilliantβ idea to ask for 10 thousand bucks instead of a toy so that I could buy heaps of toys.
To my surprise he shrugged and said sure.
On Christmas Day, I excitedly tore open my gift box. To my anger and disappointment, it only contained 10 plastic toy pigs and deers.
βDaaaaaddd!!!!β I wailed in tears.
Dad gave me the biggest shit-eating grin and said βWell, I got you ten sows and bucks just like you asked.β
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︎ Mar 05 2019
Two strips of tarmac are arguing about who is the toughest. They have in idea to fight the shady looking guy in the corner to prove how tough they are. The barman stops them.
I wouldn't mess with him lads. He's a cycle path.
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︎ Sep 23 2019
I stole the idea to cross post this here.
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︎ Mar 21 2019
i had no idea that i had a fruit tree in my backyard until the other day.
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︎ Aug 29 2019
Will my idea of putting scales in the ocean be a success?
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︎ Apr 10 2019
I have no idea why the elevator's buttons are burning hot
But I just can't put my finger on it
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︎ May 21 2019
I got a parking ticket for being parked illegally the other day and Iβve no idea why...
The sign clearly said, βFine for parking."
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︎ Dec 10 2017
βDad, the manual says itβs not a good idea to turn the stereo volume to full.β
Dad: Thatβs sound advice.
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︎ Feb 28 2019
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