You’ve heard of elf on a shelf but are you prepared for ?
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
Forget Elf on a shelf....
You’ve heard of elf on a shelf now get ready for
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him fifty bucks that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf.
He said, "No the steaks are too high."
Got a job at a potato chip factory. On top of salary they said I could pick any flavor chip off the shelf once a month.
They prided themselves in their stock options.
My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus
Whoever invented the "SHIFT" key, had a capital idea.
I wanted to go rock-climbing on Saturday but my best friend hated the idea.
He made the whole day very anti- climb- atic.
My wife was explaining the idea of investing to my daughter
After a good explanation of savings, stocks, returns, etc, I pointed out there's another definition she should understand too. At some point in her life she may decide to put on a sweater without sleeves. When she does that, she's invest.
My wife asked, “Honey, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”
It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.
I saw a whole shelf of soy milk at the store the other day.
It's great that they've enabled milk to properly introduce themselves to customers.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
I made some ideas into images to put on to phone cases. This is my favourite - Get Off Your High Horse
Me: Sorry I'm late. I broke down on the way to work.
Boss: Is your car with the mechanic?
Me: Car?
The creator of Mortal Kombat got the idea for the game while visiting a church in Finland...
... listening to a Finnish Hymn
What do you call a book club stuck on the same book for years?
I had a friend in high school that really wanted to become a pilot. His parents hated the idea. Every time he brought it up, they were like
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
So we all know that you find H2O inside a fire hydrant, but what do you find on the outside of a fire hydrant?
Sorry for being too lazy to look but does anyone remember seeing the joke on this sub about the chiropractor?
Someone posted it about a weak back.
Whoever thought it was a good idea to make a lower case L and and upper case i look the same must have been Ill.
I like the idea of podiums
They're a product I can really get behind
I told my wife I saw a deer on the way to work.
She said how do you know he was headed to work?
Why did I put the can of Spaghetti-Os back on the shelf?
I snuck into my office early and decided to switch the N and M keys on peoples keyboards.
Some might say I'm a monster. But others will say I'm a nomster
It's never a good idea to overdo the energy drinks before buying fine dinnerware...
You don't want to be a Redbull in a China Shop.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
I have a new pen that can write underwater, and in a volcano and on the north pole.
It can write other things too.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
I lost my job at the bank on my first day
A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
If you think that your microwave collecting data and the TV spying on you is bad enough...
the vaccum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years...
So my 95 lb wife just told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. Ha.
I'm not too worried, I think she's only jokinlkjhfakljnm,nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
I went to the camping supply store and was going to buy a tent but the pegs were on the top shelf...
The stakes were too high.
(Bear with me its a long setup) A frog walks into a bank and asks a woman named Patricia Whack for a loan. "My father is Mick Matter" he says, placing a ceramic elephant on the counter. Patricia goes to her boss and tells him the story, asking "what is this?" And placing the elephant on his desk.
The man replies " It's A knicknack, patty whack, give the frog a loan, his old mans a rolling stone (also I meant Mick jagger my autocorrect sucks balls)
Why did the sculptor realize creating a self-portrait bust was a bad idea?
Because he got a head of himself.
If someone is burnt and needs a skin graft, can I donate the skin tissue on my butt?
What's the best time of day on a clock?
I bet a butcher $20 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf...
He said "Sorry man. The steaks are too high."
My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
I bet my butcher he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said he wasn't going to bet with me.
He told me the steaks were too high.
What’s the difference between a sharply dressed man on a bicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
I bet a butcher that he couldn’t reach the meat on the top shelf
He refused, because the steaks were too high.
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