Why was the lamp not heavy?
Who was the heavy weight champion of farts?
The police were under heavy attack of the flies
They had to call the SWAT team!
A man is walking down the sidewalk dragging a long, heavy chain behind him. A woman asks him, "Why are you dragging that chain behind you, mister?"
The man says, "Lady, you ever tried to push one of these things out front?!?"
Damn we just missed the green light, this is gonna be heavy!
Because it will be a Full Wait
I bought some heavy wool socks the other day.
I was planning on returning them, but then I got cold feet.
Coach Butt pushed his team The Doodies into the Toilet Bowl. But, his team was playing like crap after a heavy load. And even though Coach knew his #1 was flushed, he pointed at him and said...
A bag couldn’t handle the heavy weight
Why Did France Send Such a Large and Heavy Version of the Statue of Liberty to the USA?
Because it violated their statue of limitations.
I always thought that organizing the Amsterdam Light Festival would be a heavy task
But it turns out to be quite light
You might think the sun is pretty heavy.
I was feeling under the weather when I got my prostate exam. When the heavy set doctor stepped out..
I said... “Wow, that’s a meaty urologist!” 😎🤓
The difference between a hippo and a zippo is that one is heavy and the other is a little lighter
A delivery boy was carrying a heavy load to the prosthetics factory..
.. an employee offered to lend him a hand
How heavy is the chinese elephant?
The most recent Game of Thrones episode was too dark and it was hard to see. I just wish some of the undead were wearing heavy armor and wielding swords. Then we'd be able to see just fine.
Because they would be Knight Wights.
As we were cleaning the garage I asked my 10 year old: “son, do you have any big heavy balls?”
Son: “yes, I have a few”
Me “you do? Where do you buy your underwear?”
After a few second pause, my son says: “Dick’s Supporting Goods”
The other day, my daughter asked why her school books are so heavy
I said ‘because they are full of knowledge!’
I was driving my German girlfriend around in my older banger, the heavy rain clattering against my windshield. As the journey went on, I realised that she has this really weird obsession with snakes.
She kept telling me that I need vipers.
How heavy was the world's biggest dumpling?
So my dad and I were moving a bedroom set for my grandmother as she was moving into an assisted living home. There was this heavy dresser and my dad said “Let’s tackle this now rather than later” I looked at the dresser, back at him, back to the dresser, and I said
There was this heavy dresser and my dad said “Let’s tackle this now rather than later” I looked at the dresser, back at him, back to the dresser, and I said “Id rather lift it”
He gave me a funny look and sighed. My brother in law laughed.
What do you call a woman on the arm of a heavy metal guitar player?
What would you call the sun if it was made of granite and heavy metals?
Every year my town has a 4th of July track meet during the day, and any age can compete. My geologist dad, heavy set and not ready to compete, entered the mile and obviously did poorly, but he crossed the finish line, gave me a shit-eating grin and said:
"......gneiss guys finish last."
I got the tickets to a talk show, organised by a group of robbers, at a heavy discount
I carried a big heavy blanket to the park.
I’m telling you it was no picnic.
What do you call the Lone Ranger after a heavy rain?
Girlfriend on Anniversary: "Wow, the card you got me feels heavy!"
Me: "It is carrying the weight of my emotions."
What's heavy and light at the same time
What did the one legume say to the other about their friend after a heavy night of drinking?
If your a heavy lifter at the gym stay away from torches
They're quite light weight
When you're a heavy person and you open the fridge to find only 1 slice of cake, you realize
It's a desserted waistland.
I heard about the heavy lifting bread
Have you heard of the new heavy metal boyband?
What do you think about the track and field event, where the aim is to throw a circular heavy disc further than the other competitors?
My coworker tried to grab a heavy bag off the top shelf with one hand.
I told him he shouldn't do things half-grasped.
There's a heavy drinker in the house.
Just had this one happen at dinner tonight, super proud of myself in a terrible way. I have a son who is drinking juice now, but in giving him some, I finished off the bottle. Wife goes to the refrigerator to get him more, not knowing...
Wife: "Ugh, who killed the juice?"
Me: "Hitler"
Wife: "... That is so wrong."
Voat: The site that the members of /r/fatpeoplehate moved to go to is under a heavy load right now.
"I found the heavy metal."
My sister and I were cleaning our basement to prepare for a party. Half of it is the entertainment center, and the other half is open space. Our dad tends to use it as a workshop when we're not hosting parties.
As we're putting away tools and sweeping up, my sister calls out, "Hey, I found the heavy metal." I thought she meant my CDs.
When I turned around, she was holding a 2"x6" rectangle of metal. And it was heavy.
And I groaned super hard.
We were discussing the carpool a few years ago and there was heavy traffic on every single route we normally take.
Dad: At least we dont have to take the battery tunnel to get to school.
Me: Why?
Dad: Because then we'd have carpool tunnel syndrome.
I bought some heavy wool socks the other day.
I was planning on returning them today, but then I got cold feet.
How heavy is the chinese elephant?
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