How dairy!
He’s all right now!
Apparently I'm the only one that could've prevented them
This swan’s on me
Sorry I’m advance if this isn’t allowed.
Morning, Apple Pie and Coffee. Noon, Apple Pie and Coffee. Night, Apple Pie and Coffee. Getting tired of this same meal, he asks his coworkers to teach him a new dish to order. He learns Steak and Eggs.
Waitress: Hiya hon’, Apple Pie and Coffee as usual?
Man (smiling proudly): Steak and Eggs!
Waitress: Oh! Changing it up to day! How would you like your eggs? Scrambled, sunny side up, poached, fried? How would you like your steak? Rare, medium rare, medium, medium well, well? . . . . . .
Man: ... Apple Pie and Coffee.
A tire.
The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.
After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.
Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.
The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself.
But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top, which he had promised his wife.
So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him.
But, alas, Andy refused.
He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place."
Civil Engineers.
It smelt funny...
Eukaryotes.
Me: Who is our nurse tonight? Wifey: I think it's Mida. New dad: You know what they say, trust the Mida's touch. Both wifeys:groans
I think he will do just fine
I ran a local Tough Mudder-like race in September (called Boldr Dash) which featured many obstacles over a four mile course. One of the obstacles was a huge ladder made out of tires that we had to climb up and over. While waiting my turn to climb it, I turned to the line and said "I hope nobody's TIRED!"
The combination of fatigue and disgust at my joke was everyone's reaction. A group groan, it was beautiful!
what passing by the snow leopard exhibit he says:
"That's no leopard"
i point it out to my gf while snickering and i get the look
He’s all right now.
This swan’s on me
He's all right now.
