Why was the waiter fired from his job?
Because he was too impatient
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︎ May 05 2021
Some people think that being a waiter is a bad job or the result of poor choices...
but hey, at least I put food on the table...
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︎ May 12 2021
Waiter: βHow do you like your steak, sirβ?
Sir: βLike winning an argument with my wifeβ.
Waiter βRare it is!β.
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︎ Mar 06 2021
Our waiter at a Chinese restaurant said "Soy sauce" . . .
So I said "Hola, Sauce. Soy papΓ‘."
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︎ May 07 2021
Policeman taking a witness statement from the waiter after a shooting at a vegan bar..
Policeman: Can you describe the shooter?
Waiter: 6 feet, white male, grey shirt and a skirt made of parsley.
P: Parsley?
W: Yes. It was just a herb he wore.
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︎ Apr 28 2021
A waiter at a german restaurant warned me that the meat they used for sausages was suspicious. I replied: " It's okay...
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︎ Apr 19 2021
So I was at Chiliβs the other day and when a waiter came to take our order, I asked him to turn the heat up and when he asked why
I replied it seems a bit chilly in here. Iβm now banned at all Chiliβs restaurants in the USA
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︎ Mar 26 2021
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, βDo you want to hear todayβs special?β
I said, βYes please.β
Waiter: βNo problem sir. Today is special.β
Edit: You guys are way too generous. Thank you.
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︎ Sep 13 2020
Waiter, I'll have the omelette please.
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︎ Feb 19 2021
The Waiter [OC]
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︎ Dec 22 2020
Why did the computer become a waiter?
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︎ Feb 17 2021
A waiter asks the "How did you find your steak, Sir?"
Me: I just looked next to the mash potatoes and there it was!
Source: tedthestoner2.0.
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︎ Jan 25 2021
What does a tea hater say to the waiter who brought them tea when they ordered coffee?
That's not my cup of tea.
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︎ Jan 01 2021
A blonde orders a pizza and the waiter asks if she would like it cut into 6 or 12 pieces.
"6 please. I could never eat 12."
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︎ Dec 18 2020
Waiter : "How would you like your steak cooked"?
Me : "Take a guess"
Waiter : "Medium rare"?
Me : "Well done"
Waiter : "umm, huh"???
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︎ Feb 10 2021
Got my sisters whole family with my dumb owl joke, with a bonus follow up groaner
Me: I don't wanna alarm anyone, but I think someone in this room might be an owl.
Sisters kids: Who? WHO?
Me: gasp OH NO IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT!
cue 2 hours of 4 small kids running around the house like nutcases screaming who at each other
Sister: You don't get to tell my kids dad jokes anymore. You're not even a dad
Me: I'm a faux pas
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︎ Jan 05 2021
The waiter pillar is very nice, 5 starr
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︎ Aug 25 2020
How did you find your steak?" asked the waiter of a patron in the very expensive restaurant.
Just luck," the hungry man replied, sadly. "I happened to move that small piece of potato, and there it was!"
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︎ Nov 29 2020
After finishing my meal, the waiter gave me the desert menu.
"Can I ask you something?" I said.
"Certainly," he replied.
I said, "Why did you just eat my food?"
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︎ Jul 17 2020
A sunflower walked into a restaurant around noon. The waiter asks "where would you like to sit?"
"by the window," the sunflower responded. "I'm only here for a light meal."
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︎ Oct 27 2020
What does the penguin waiter says?
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︎ Jul 23 2020
Youβll do a lot of dumb things in your youth, son, and thatβs okay, because most of the consequences wonβt follow you into adulthood. But you know what will always come back to haunt you?
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︎ Mar 15 2021
So the customer asks the chef if anyone orders steak raw and the waiter replied βyeh but thatβs rareβ
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︎ Aug 22 2020
What did the duck say to the waiter?
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︎ Nov 17 2020
What did the skeleton waiter say to his table?
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︎ Oct 31 2020
Did you hear about this new restaurant called Karma?
There's no menu. You get what you deserve.
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︎ May 02 2021
Did you hear about that dumb movie about two light bulbs?
It is called dim and dimmer
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︎ Apr 14 2021
Why did the egg tip the waiter
Because the food was eggcellent
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︎ Aug 31 2020
My waiter asked me if I wanna box for my leftovers.
I said, "No but I'll wrestle you for them."
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︎ Nov 09 2020
The waiter at our local Indian restaurant asked if I wanted bread before the meal.
βThatβs a naan-starterβ I told him.
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︎ Jul 17 2020
It is
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︎ Apr 30 2021
The waiter approached me as I finished eating and asked, βyou wanna box for those leftovers?β
I replied, βNo, I hate violence. May I just pay for it with my card?β
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︎ Jun 20 2020
He gets a mini heart-attack when the Australian waiter says "Check, Mate"
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︎ May 11 2020
I always wanted to be a Hollywood waiter.
So I decided to get a job as a film star and hope a chef spots me.
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︎ Dec 29 2020
What did the Eastern European waiter say to the customer when he asked where the food was?
Iβll Serb you shortly sir.
(Eastern Euro joke 3/7)
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︎ Sep 03 2020
What did the Nordic man say to the waiter when he was done his meal?
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︎ Aug 25 2020
My socially anxious friend just got a PhD in palindrome studies.
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︎ Apr 12 2021
I went to a restaurant and the waiter sat me down and asked if I'd like to see a dessert menu.
I said "No, that's the last thing I want"
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︎ Mar 22 2020
A man from Prague and his friend were playing chess at a restaurant when an Australian waiter interrupts their game. The waiter says, "have a check, mate. Your Czech mate is about to be in checkmate... oh, and here's the cheque, mate."
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︎ May 31 2020
A Good Waiter
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︎ Jan 23 2020
I went to a restaurant and when I sat down the waiter asked "comfortable"?
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︎ Sep 10 2020
Waiter: do want a box for your leftovers?
Me: no. But Iβll wrestle you for them!
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︎ Dec 06 2020
After finishing my meal, the waiter gave me the dessert menu.
I said, "Why did you just eat my food ?"
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︎ Aug 07 2020
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