Found this on "Love advice from the duke of hell" web toon, heavily recommend it
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2021
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Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant’s head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke’s son and knocked him off the battle field.

Yeah, apparently it was the first ever serf face to heir missile.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
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Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"

That was the punchline

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2021
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Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '

Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2021
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Did you know a colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence?

For example

  1. I ate my friend's lunch
  2. I ate my friend's colon
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jezza000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2021
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What do cannibals serve at the beginning of dinner party?

handshakes

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarjuful_Tabeeb
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
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SpongeBob may be the main character of the show.

But Patrick is the star.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2021
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Although at times the cops were able to catch up to that orange car on the Dukes of Hazard tv show...

...GeneralLee they weren’t fast enough

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eagle4523
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.

He said no.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/superuglypotate
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
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The one and only acceptable way of advertising
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/supdawggg00
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
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Ah sorry i didn't read the name of the subreddit right
πŸ‘︎ 250
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2021
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Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.

But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2021
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My friend was trying to feed her baby but he was having none of it. I said "Try the Airplane."

She said, "Airplane? What is it?"

"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BellaLugosisChips
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2021
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September, October, November, and December should have been the 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th month.

Whoever screwed this upβ€”- I hope he got stabbed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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The CEO of IKEA was just selected as the Prime Minister of Sweden

He’s assembling his cabinet.

πŸ‘︎ 880
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2021
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So we all know that you find H2O inside a fire hydrant, but what do you find on the outside of a fire hydrant?

K9P

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyNameIsVoodoo
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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Wife was at the doctor’s office yesterday and texted me that she’s tired of waiting.

I told her to…be patient.

I’m a new dad of a five-month old baby and I was quite proud of this moment.

πŸ‘︎ 205
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingInTheNorth57
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2021
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What is the opposite of isolate?

Yousoearly

πŸ‘︎ 580
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcdolsa
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2021
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The CEOs of Miller, Bud, and Guinness walk into a bar

The bartender asks what they'd like.

The executive of Miller orders a Miller Lite, so the bartender gives it to him. The executive of Bud orders a Bud Light, and he's given one. The bartender looks at the CEO of Guinness, and he asks for a Coke. The bartender, bewildered, hands him the Coke and asks why he didn't order a Guinness. In reply, he said,

"I figured if those two weren't drinking beer, then neither would I!"

πŸ‘︎ 283
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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_wild_redditer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2021
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I need someone to repair the stone wall in the front of my house, but I don’t have a lot of money.

Incidentally, Free Masons are not what they sound like.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Riverrat423
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2021
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All hail the holy antlers of the deer god
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWizardSquirrel
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
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The tree hated losing his foliage in September.

When it grew back in March, he was so relieved.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EastlyGod1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.

"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."

Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jewyouevenlift
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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It just occurred to me that the opposite of Artificial Intelligence is …

Real Stupid

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billwashere
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2021
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The Adventures of the Mathmagician (an educational and punny comic).
πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lovedepository
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2021
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How do you determine the mass of a red hot chili pepper?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hawkeye45_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
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A man went to the doctor’s and told him, β€œI feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”

He said, β€œWow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2021
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Did you know Bruce Lee had much less known younger brother? He never said much and stayed out of the public eye.

Quiet Lee

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2021
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If someone told me tomorrow is the start of a new month...

...I’d say Julying

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LuckyTaco_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
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the very peak of my existence about 6 months ago today
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GetNaeNaed06
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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What's the opposite of ladyfinger?

Mentos

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kryptoh_Knight
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2021
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The cast of β€œFriends” got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.

Because Lisa Kudrow.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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Pun of the month, in a sense?
πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Unholy_Jer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2021
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What is the hairiest side of a gorilla?

The outside

gorilla jokes

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bmantis311
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
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The magic of the pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jollygreeninja
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2021
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The most important part of a mail pun, is the delivery.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/potato_patataa
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
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The ceiling is not my favourite part of the house.

But it's definitely up there...

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Albus_Veritas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2021
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The other day my dog fell into a lake and was drowning. Then some German guy came out of nowhere and saved his life

After I thanked him, he said to me: "Don't vorry, just dry him off and keep him varm, he vill be fine"

I asked him, "Are you a vet?"

He answered, "Am I vet? I'm soaking"

πŸ‘︎ 206
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moose_Winchester
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
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What's the best time of day on a clock?
πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2021
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Your pupils are the last part of your body that stops working when you die.

They dilate.

I'm not a dad, this is not my joke.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2021
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Everyone gets the day off on the 4th of July. But not fire.

Fire works.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flintzer0
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2021
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The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too"

Is amazing two me

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2021
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What was the name of Robin Hood's Dad?

Father Hood.

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BARGOBLEN
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
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Hey friends! In support of the LGBTQ+ community I wanted to design a punny pride greeting card and I am so happy with how it turned out :D let me know what you think!
πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Limechic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2021
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What kind of bird doesn’t know the words to their own song?

A hummingbird.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/koNekterr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
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What’s the internal temperature of a Ton Ton?

Luke warm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/No_Ad9759
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2021
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Would you walk hundreds of miles, climb a volcano and risk your life for the sake of saving the world?

Because Elijah Wood.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anywhereiroa
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2021
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The invention of the shovel was ground breaking..

But the invention of the broom really swept the nation

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2021
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My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.

I took him to the bar and had a few drinks. Nice guy. He wants to be a web designer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lejayon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2021
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The CEO of IKEA has been elected Prime Minister of Sweden.

He's currently assembling his cabinet.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Telusion
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
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