What does a duck say at the quack of dawn?

Quack-a-doodle doo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jbegay0074
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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Honnold sends the Dawn Wall...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/7sterling
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
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When it finally dawned on Watson that it was the limestone he exclaimed β€œBut Holmes, how did you know?!” /r/3amjokes/comments/fmr0…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DenVosReinaert
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
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I was in a KFC in Prague, standing in line waiting to order my lunch when I noticed the beautiful girl wearing a black and white tiled apron who was giving the man in front of me a bucket of Buffalo wings..and then it dawned on me.

I was checking out a chequered Czech check-out chick who was checking out some chicken at the checkout.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buggaboobooy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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I was watching the sun rise, when it dawned on me
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πŸ‘€︎ u/confibulator
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2017
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If twilight is the opposite of dawn then...

A drop of twilight and grease is there

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toady-The-Load
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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Near the end of my wife's pregnancy she suddenly began yelling out "can't!", "won't!", "shan't!", "mustn't!", and suddenly it dawned on me..

I think she's having contractions!

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
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My student told me β€œDucks get up at the quack of dawn.” I corrected him.

Ducks don’t get up. They get down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
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Let’s start digging at the crack of dawn!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2018
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I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went, then it dawned on me
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnathanWickers
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
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Dawn of the Planet of the Snapes (x-post from /r/battleshops)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/live4lifelegit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2018
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My dad loved to recount his adventures...

One time he told me how he hiked in the mountains, sat on a rock, and wondered all night where the sun had gone...

...and then it dawned on him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Attinaux
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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Dawn of the Dead is a 3 D movie.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
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Couldn’t figure out when sunrise was supposed to be this morning

Luckily it finally dawned on me.

πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ Got a big 12 pound brisket on the grill today, and several more dad jokes in the chamber. Doin dad stuff.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
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What time do ducks wake up?

At the quack of dawn!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/space0watch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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Doctor Visit

A woman comes home from the hypnotist and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."

"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"

His wife replies, "Dawn referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache.' It worked... The headaches are all gone."

The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful."

His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it.

Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."

He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says, "That was wonderful..."

The husband says, "Don't move... I will be right back." He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time.

The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom.

This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying, "She's not my wife. She's not

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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I didn't know someone had watered down the soap until it Dawned on me.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/christag
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2017
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Dad’s Big Day Out

I witnessed an apple store robbery today, they made me an iWitness. I was already running late, after my wife took my cheese this morning. Even after I told her it was Nacho cheese. She asked what time my dentist appointment was, I told her Tooth hurt-y. But I didn’t end up going, as there was stairs I had to ascend. I don’t trust them, they’re always up to something. Then my wife got really mad at me and said that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!

I went straight to the barber for a new look. He asked me if I wanted a haircut? I said no, I want them all cut. Puzzled he would ask such a silly question, I noticed the graveyard across the street looking overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there I thought. I picked up a book about anti-gravity. It was impossible to put down! Shear amazement a barber would have a book like this! I told the barber I used to hate facial hair...but then it grew on me. He stopped cutting my hair when my ear fell off. He must of realised I was a leper at this point so I paid for his service and told him to keep the tip.

I received a call from my Eastern European mother in law, apparently my child was refusing to sleep during nap time. She told me he’s guilty of resisting a rest. Then she called me straight back to say there was a kidnapping. I rushed to her home to find my kid napping. I was angry by the miscommunication but that anger turned to joy when I realised it was the first day of spring. I got so excited I wet my plants. After which I realised I was late for soccer practice. I’m not a big fan of the sport but I was doing it for the kicks. I decided not to go as I was tired from the night before where I spent the night looking for the sun. Then it dawned on me. Unusual for me, as I’m usually a pretty good sleeper. I can do it with my eyes closed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lovethebigones
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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Dawn of the Planet of the Apes soundtrack is prodigiously punny! (X-post from /r/movies, thought you guys would appreciate) en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daw…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aznednacni
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2014
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Dawn of the Planet of the Apes OST
  1. "Level Plaguing Field"
  2. "Look Who’s Stalking"
  3. "The Great Ape Processional"
  4. "Past Their Primates"
  5. "Close Encounters of the Furred Kind"
  6. "Monkey to the City"
  7. "The Lost City of Chimpanzee"
  8. "Along Simian Lines"
  9. "Caesar No Evil, Hear No Evil"
  10. "Monkey See, Monkey Coup"
  11. "Gorilla Warfare" 7:37
  12. "The Apes of Wrath"
  13. "Gibbon Take"
  14. "Aped Crusaders"
  15. "How Bonobo Can You Go"
  16. "Enough Monkeying Around"
  17. "Primates for Life"
  18. "Planet of the End Credits"
  19. "Ain’t That a Stinger"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/walruspowers
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2014
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A knight was trying to woo several maidens he knew with some jokes...

He had different kinds of jokes for each maiden, as he knew they each had different types of humor. Margaret was first, and the knight stood before her and tried out a new knock knock joke. A boy watching nearby asked his mother, "why did he tell her a knock knock joke?" The mother replied, "well sweetie that's because her husband used to always tell them, so she appreciates them more." Next was Priscilla, and as the knight stood before her he tried out the joke the court jester told him. "Why did the knight use a court jester joke?" Asked the boy. "Well sweetie that's because Priscilla isnt very bright and she wouldnt understand most other jokes." Finally it was Dawn's turn. The knight began his joke but the mother quickly covered the boys ears. "Why did you do that?" Asked the boy. "Because you are too young for the humor the knight uses on her, and the knight is always darkest before Dawn."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeChadley
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
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When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.

He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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Decided to tell my parents some good news with a dad joke

"So, do you have to work on Labor Day this year?"

"No, we both have off."

"Did you hear they're changing it next year?"

"What?"

"Yeah, they're moving it to April."

Looks of confusion

"At least that's what my doctor said."

The dawning of comprehension on their faces, then big smiles and hugs!

..... Btw, I am a woman. I didn't specify in the post, but the context clue would be "MY doctor." I was just raised on sarcasm and corny jokes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bonnieisstillhot
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2016
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514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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Did you hear about the guy who stayed up all night, wondering where the sun had gone?

The next morning, it dawned on him!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InkFoxPrints
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
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I locked myself out of the house when I brought pasta home from the store.

I couldn't get in. I checked underneath the mat, in the flower pot, but then it dawned on me.

I had gnocchi.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dawnguardian286
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
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Great list of excellent puns

How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crΓͺpes.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop

any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd

never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

Why were the Indians in America first? They had reservations.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she

couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A theasaurus.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The

police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.

My friend sent me these puns idk source just thought you would enjoy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/benschweiz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2016
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The story of Captain Bravado

A long time ago, a pirate, named Captain Bravado, was sailing the sea with his fellow pirate friends.

One day, as he was sailing the sea, an enemy ship approched. His crew was really nervous.

He said: "Bring me my red shirt!"

The first man who heard the order got him his red shirt. They went to war and killed all the enemy pirates. That night, his crew asked why he wanted a red shirt.

He said: "If I had been hit during the fight, you wouldn't have seen my blood."

All his men were looking at him with admiration. The next day, at dawn, 10 ships approched Captain Bravado's vessel. His men were horrified. They were waiting for his order.

He said: "Bring me my brown pants !"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomGuyNumber1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2018
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No matter how much you push the envelope,

it'll still be stationery.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

When chemists die, they barium.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore

I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A. I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered. He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the ends.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PewPewWizard2000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2018
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Kids wanted to watch a new anime, so I suggested...

Kid 1: Let's watch -Japanese name of some anime-

Kid 2: No, let's watch -Japanese name of some other anime-

Me: Let's watch Supphomi!

Kid 2: "What the hell is Suppho... (realization dawns) mi..."

Me: NOT MUCH HOMIE, WHAT THE HELL 'SUP WITH YOU?!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Technohazard
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2016
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D: Son, wake up real early on your birthday. There's going to be a historic event. S. What kind of event?

D: The dawn of a new age.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2017
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Made a dentist appointment for my wife

Her: when is my appointment tomorrow
Me: the realisation dawns on me and I start laughing hysterically
Her: what?
Me: drying my eyes 2:30
her: groans did you do that on purpose?

I did not, the fates gave me that one for free.

Edit: Tooth hurty. Apparently that wasn't clear

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2016
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Before Coffee at the Office

Walking back from the kitchen at work with a snack I turn to my coworker and say:

"I like pears, which is why I'm bummed there was only 1"

"Ok dude", he waits for a moment and looks at me... "Was there a hidden joke in there?" He questions skeptically.

I smile at him and wait a moment. Realization dawns on his face and he curses and turns away trying not to show that he's laughing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WakeskaterX
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2016
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Turns out my wife is a dad...

This morning as we were preparing for the day she turned to me and said, "I'm the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything." As I looked at her somewhat shocked at this rare display of ego it dawned on me that today is her 42nd birthday and I fell in love all over again.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bokanovsky_Jones
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2016
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What's the best time to go duck hunting?

At the quack of dawn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2017
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Dadjoked my mother this morning

Mom, in conversation with me and my sister: "You know what dawned on me today?"

Me: "The sun?"

Eyes were rolled and groans were made.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vault_dog4
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2014
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Had to come up with a last minute costume so I became a dad joke!

http://imgur.com/7c4bFwj

I can list them all but some of my favourite are:

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun had gone and then it dawned on me.

Whenever the cashier asks me if I want the milk in the bag I say "no just leave it in the carton"

Why was the policeman sleeping in his car? It was arrest stop!

I attached all of my watches together to make a belt. It was a waist of time

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluejade89
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2015
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Didn't get any sleep last night.

I was outside on the porch when my brother let this one go.

I didn't get any sleep last night because I was wondering when the sun would be coming up, and then, it dawned on me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Broken_Limb
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2015
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Psychology teacher dropped one on the class today.

Our psych teacher is known to be a jokester and today he continued that trend.

"So one night I was driving down a road in the country. All of a sudden, I heard a bam. I had hit something with my car. It turned out to be a pig. I didn't know what to do, so I just rolled it to the edge of the road. The next day at home, the farmer gave me a call saying he knew it was me who had killed his pig. I thought to myself, 'How could he know?' That's when it dawned on me. The pig had squealed."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoltz3
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2014
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God forbid I say the word 'what' in response to something my dad says...

Since the dawn of time (about 21 years ago) my dad has made it his life goal that when I respond to something he says with "what?" he tells me "'What's' a lightbulb. There's a lot of 'whats's' in it." This still happens. I have no idea when he thought this was funny, or why he hasn't realized it doesn't really make sense.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gomestradamus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2013
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After 12 years, I finally got an old dad joke my dad made when I was learning Spanish as a kid

I was about 8 at the time and asked

me: "Dad, what does gracias mean in Spanish?"

Dad: "It means fell over"

me: "Okay, thank you"

Got it wrong with my homework, and finally it dawned on me with the joke he made

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkywardSpork
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2014
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Who's Jose?

Who's Jose the blind guy? You know, "Jose, can you see? By the dawn's early light."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Orginalusername
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2013
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I’m tired

Because I was up all night wondering what happened to the sun........

Then it dawned on meπŸ˜‚

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πŸ‘€︎ u/djkp7211
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.

He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

πŸ‘︎ 254
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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I had to get up at 4 am the other day to catch the bus. I texted my dad this:

Me: I keep making mistakes at work, but that’s what I get for waking up before the asscrack of dawn.

Dad: I’m sure you’re going to be fine. Take it in stride and improve as you go. And stop talking about dawn’s asscrack. She may find that offensive.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pinetree218
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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when does a duck wake up?

at the quack of dawn!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beandip9999
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
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Did you hear about the kid who stayed up in his tent all night, wondering where the sun had gone?

The next morning, it dawned on him.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InkFoxPrints
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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What happens when the sunrise bends over?

You see the crack of dawn.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Costabza
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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Dawn

I used to wonder where the sun always went when it got dark but then it dawned on me

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/roxan1930
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
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What do you get when the sunrise bends over

The crack of dawn

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yaboi79
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
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What time do ducks wake up?

At the quack of dawn

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lifelonglifter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
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What time do ducks wake up?

At the quack of dawn.

πŸ‘︎ 979
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cunt_Bucket_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2016
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from the ask reddit thread on lame jokes.
  • I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
  • When chemists die, they barium.
  • Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
  • A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
  • I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
  • How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
  • I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
  • This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
  • I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
  • I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
  • They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.
  • This dyslexic man walks into a bra.
  • I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
  • A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils.
  • When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
  • What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
  • I wondered why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
  • Broken pencils are pointless.
  • What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
  • England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
  • I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
  • I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
  • I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
  • Velcro - what a rip off!
  • Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cffff
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2013
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What's the first dinosaur you see in the morning?

Crackodon

This lame joke was brought to you by Workβ„’. Workβ„’ added getting up at the break of dawn to the late nights that were already being put in.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dangerbiscuits
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2017
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Pun overload!

My Dad sent me this list of punny sayings last Christmas. It explains a lot...

Punny sayings!

I tried to catch some Fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen.

Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gibbens15
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2013
🚨︎ report
These were in an email forwarded to me from family. Bless their heart.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

When chemists die, apparently they barium.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. As of now, it appears the police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro - what a rip off !

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Floofing_Warlock
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2015
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Where is the sun?

I was wondering where the sun went.

Then it dawned on me.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr00000100
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad said his first dad-joke ever

So we are eating some salmon for dinner and we start talking about fishing when my dad says "most people go fishing for the halibut" (as in for the hell of it). It's a new dawn for him.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wee_littlegaffer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2015
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Punographic dad jokes

In true Dad joke fashion, my father emailed me this list of puns

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
Β· When chemists die, they barium. Β· Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
Β· A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
Β· I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
Β· How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
Β· I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
Β· This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
Β· I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
Β· I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words .
Β· They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.
Β· PMS jokes aren't funny, period.
Β· I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Β· A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
Β· When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
Β· What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
Β· I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
Β· Broken pencils are pointless.
Β· What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
Β· England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
Β· I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
Β· I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
Β· All the toilets in London police stations have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.
Β· I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Β· Velcro - what a rip off!
Β· Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zjp_716
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2014
🚨︎ report

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