The Crisis Puns

PPP PP loans?

They fired all Naan essential staff.

They twerk from home.

The Queen buzzed, "To bee or not to bee, that is the question."

He felt his life had no porpoise

It's the Wurst Käse scenario.

And for easy storage, they're all within the same hot dogs.

We will be known as the rapid respuns

I hear it's in tents.

Because he had no point

They lost their porpoise...

Aunt: "1 in 300 Syrian refugees are plants."

Dad: "The others are animals."

She was contemplating what it meant to be cumin.

"So you're a Protestant."

...it's a Syria's situation.

"All Euro bank notes will now be printed on Greece-proof paper."

That really needed to be in an email titled "important news," didn't it?

Nothing on the left side of Accountants' books were right, and nothing on the right side was left.

Last time my pregnant wife went to the midwife, they were concerned for the baby and referred her to the hospital for an ultrasound. But everything was alright, turns out it was just a midwife crisis.

True story.

After I dug into the details of a theoretical zombie crisis and the entrances and exits of our home, I settled on the master bedroom.

My son sighs and says, "the living room."

High five buddy, you got me.

One’s a Coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis

A man makes an outline of a duck and cuts it out. An egg falls right in the middle. Now he has an egg in stencil crisis

The Dark Knight Crisis

A buddhist monk had a religious crisis. He open a tub of margarine and saw the face of Jesus. He said to himself "I can't believe it's not buddha." (Prounounced buddah)

It thought about how it came from an egg laid by another chicken.

It then realized that at the top of the line, there had to be a chicken to lay the first egg.

It then had an eggsistential crisis.

Eggsplanation: >!Existential crisis. Eggsistential crisis. please humor me and laugh!<

Wife: I got this feta cheese from the new Mediterranean market in town. It's so good!

Me: there was a famine in Lebanon a few years ago where they used that cheese to end the crisis.

Wife: ...

Me: it feta lotta people.

Wife: I hate you

Why didn’t the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!

Whats green and smells like bacon?  Kermit the Frog’s finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?

Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.

Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu?  Kevin Bacon

If you can’t get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries

Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.

Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.

What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.

Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.

What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.

How do they get up there? In pigup trucks. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.

What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.

What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you’re bacon my heart melt.

What are they warned to watch out for? Pigpockets.

First Carter Page and now Betsy DeVos. Trump’s cabinet is like a game of six degrees of Kevin Bacon except with Russia.

Everything must be wrapped in bacon, including bacon.

If Kevin Bacon doesn’t whisper “Here comes the Baconator” before he has sex all my faith in humanity is lost

I’ll acknowledge Canada Day when they finally acknowledge that’s not bacon

If Donald Trump really KNOWS the average WORKER then where are the pics of Trump hungover in 7-Eleven buying bacon in sweat pants?

This guy ordered a vegetarian sandwich and then added bacon. It was like watching someone have a mid-life crisis and then find a cool hobby.

If we don’t build a wall on our northern border, they’ll soon be maple syrup & Canadian bacon trucks on every corner.

I signed an Executive Order to make Saturday morning bacon and eggs and pancakes with triple butter and syrup non-fattening.

My bedroom smells like maple, bacon and beaver…because I’m Canadian.

When the waitress calls you Babycakes you know you’re getting extr

We we're in the car yesterday and he mentioned wanting to buy a CD by Queen. I asked him which one he would like and he said "he (Freddie Mercury) made a really good one before he died"

to which I replied "well.. aren't they all from before he died?"

"HA I GUESS THEY HAVE TO BE" he laughed

If the situation was reversed no way he wouldn't have answered the exact same thing. It was such a typical thing for my dad to say that I almost had a minor crisis

I'm only 21. And a female. And I'm already starting to become my dad

So we were discussing the recent refugee crisis in class a few days ago. One girl said:"It's going to be pretty hard in winter for them, because there arent a lot of proper shelters." So I loudly claimed :"Yeah the situation is getting pretty IN TENTS!" Reaction: Teacher laughed, some students cringed and most people didnt listen...

I was having amid-wife crisis. Nine months later, she suddenly went into labor. I frantically tried to find someone to come to our home and deliver the baby. It was midwife crisis.

The Conversation went like this

Me - Hey dad can you make me a sandwich.

Dad - Abracadabra, you are a sandwich.

I now have an identity crisis

Ok so my Dad was helping me move into my new uni accommodation last month and in the process we had to carry a lot of heavy boxes up my rather steep stairs.

Understandably, being a man in his 50's, he was a little bit worn out after lugging several metre-by-metre crates up to my room, generally full of heavy electrical equipment and books. After letting out a deep sigh he exhaled - 'Crikey, this is like the Great Stairs Crisis of 1965!'.

To my knowledge, or indeed to anyone else's knowledge (including my dad's), so such crisis ever occurred. I just hope he didn't hear my housemate sniggering in his room downstairs*; he does love a good dad joke.

*Ironically I've noticed that laughing at Dad jokes tends to make said Dad more depressed than when you don't, since they're usually fully aware of how bad their joke is and laughing at it only serves to remind them of the fact that people are actually paying attention to the regrettable nonsense which often leaves their mouths.

..One’s a Corona virus and the other’s a Verona crisis.

One is Coronavirus and the other is a Verona Crisis!