So my wife and eldest daughter are in the dining room and I’m in the kitchen. They are talking about parking a car at school, and getting the ticket that allows this from the office. I step into the room:
Me: “You guys are talking about a ticket to park?”
Kid: “Yeah”
Me: “But I thought Paul McCartney said it was a ticket to ride...”
Wife: “Shut up dear”
I look at the kid and point to my wife:
“She don’t care.....”
He has a lot experience working remote
It’s a real game changer
It’s suppose to be a romance but don’t be surprised if there’s some Fowl play.
High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.
Singing in the shower is all fun until soap gets in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera
Thespian Network
He was a frat buoy.
It must be in a remote location
He is calling in from the hospital with his four casts.
There's too much sax and violins.
So Saturday’s really are for the Boyce
The Mike Rowe organism.
Queen receives BJ
It was in a remote location
about American Pickers.
My mam saw a channel on the telly called the Deja Vu channel so she asked my dad what it was.
He replied with ‘I’m not sure but I swear I’ve seen it before’
He’s now pissing himself laughing and mam doesn’t get it
A marathon of marathons.
Before today this guy had 22 subscribes. Since being posted on reddit, his subscriber count is much higher. Regardless, his Dad jokes are unparalleled.
"Do you know which president had the strongest stomach muscles? Abs Lincoln."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_owbX2VkcE
Edit: Au, thanks for the gold!
(You're entering the conversation when it really matters)
Me: Oh nice, so did you spend time watching the Olympics?
Friend: No, I don't really watch the olympics that much actually.
Me: Same here...I only watch it every four years...
A torrent!
The "One Two Three" cat made it, but the "Un Deux Trois" cat sank.
I can’t deal with all the Fake Hues!
It's called PH1.
He said, "Yes, but it gets old quick."
Coworker: you're the weather channel
Me: you're right.... my name isn't 'Not_Mr_Manager', it's always been 'the weather channel'. It was all just... a front.
Me: "I'm kind of like Egypt."
Daughter: "How's that?"
Me: "We both have toot-in-common."
A few years ago, we started a show that I quite frankly never thought would work.
Nearly four years later, including two sold out appearances at San Francisco Sketchfest and a local TV featurette, our show "Capitol PUNishment" is now streaming on Twitch Friday night at 8:30pm PST.
I hope it's ok to post this in here. If not, feel free to remove with no hard feelings. Just encouraging pun lovers to check out what is best described as "a fast-paced, in-the-moment spectacle that combines everything you love about gameshows, rap-battles, and "dad" jokes, into a unique and hilarious competitive format."
Our channel is twitch.tv/capitolpuns
Here's a little video to help paint the picture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2RE9PgmfXo
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
And he sees the film "Gladiator" with Russell Crowe is on and he looks at me and goes "Gladiator!! And so was she!!!" Hahahaha I just about fucking died.
It'll be on the channel E. S. Peein.
'Punnit' is hosted by myself and played over three rounds. The first two rounds consist of one category (say, Musical Genres & Ailments), with each contestant going in turn and giving their best 5 entries. Such as, HIVy Metal, Honky Tonksillitis, Indiegestion etc.
These two categories are known about a week or so prior so everyone can bring their best (or worst, depending on how you look at it) but the third round is entirely on the spot, with the entrants shouting out whatever they can think of for a category. One of the recent being American Presidents & American States, with OklaBama winning that one.
It's all very much in the early stages but I would appreciate both feedback on the format and people getting in touch if they wanna duke it out.
Here are the episodes: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKJOzYgG9MW7CQHAZQahiqw/videos
Follow us too @thepunpodcast
Two Cats swimming the English Channel to France, one was called One Two Three and the other Un Deux Trois
which cat made it?
One Two Three because Un deux trois Cat Sank
They were named One Two Three, and Un Deux Trois.
England won; The Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq.
Two cats, One Two Three and Un Deux Trois have a race across the English Channel. Who won? One Two Three, because Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq!
Told by my physics teacher, who is a dad himself.
