My wife asked me "is it just me or is the cat getting fat?"
Apparently "no it's just you" wasn't the right answer.
π︎ 253
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︎ Oct 07 2022
Did you see the wanted poster for SchrΓΆdinger's cat?
Says itβs wanted both dead and alive.
π︎ 196
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︎ Oct 07 2022
An English cat named ABC challenges a French cat named 123 to a swim across the English Channel, from the UK to France. They both swim hard, but only the English cat makes it. What happened to the other cat?
Well, un deux trois quatre cinq.
π︎ 23
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︎ Oct 07 2022
What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has claws at the end of it's paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
π︎ 177
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︎ Sep 19 2022
Why was the cat arrested?
π︎ 125
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︎ Aug 20 2022
My wife asked if I've seen the cat bowl.
π︎ 70
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︎ Sep 10 2022
Why did the cat get mad at the kitten?
The kitten was invading her Purr-sonal space!
π︎ 14
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︎ Sep 28 2022
Two cats are having a swimming race. One is called βOne two threeβ, the other βUn deux troisβ. Which cat won?
βOne two threeβ because βUn deux trois cat sankβ.
π︎ 14
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︎ Sep 08 2022
Thereβs a new effort to protect the Cheshire catβ¦
Because theyβre a vanishing breed.
π︎ 7
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︎ Sep 25 2022
Schrodinger: "We won't know the cat is dead or alive until we open the box."
π︎ 23
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︎ Aug 29 2022
π︎ 35
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︎ Aug 02 2022
My cat keeps knocking things off the counter, I just looked at him and said
π︎ 10
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︎ Aug 05 2022
Whatβs the worst cat to play games with?
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 24 2022
What did the Jellicle Cat say after he went to the dentist?
π︎ 6
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︎ Sep 06 2022
What did the cat say to the mouse?
Mice to eat you. -joke from my 7 year old.
π︎ 11
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︎ Aug 31 2022
My cat has been giving me an attitude ever since the vet inserted a tracking device.
Itβs like he has a chip on his shoulder.
EDIT: grammar
π︎ 13
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︎ Aug 21 2022
My cat is always trying to get into the bathroom with me while Iβm showering or using the bathroom..
Sheβs such a purrvert..
π︎ 4
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︎ Aug 24 2022
I asked the librarian if the had the new book about Pavlovβs dog and SchrΓΆdingerβs cat.
She said it rang a bell, but she wasnβt sure if it was there.
π︎ 74
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︎ Jun 22 2022
What do you call a cat that doesn't play by the rules?
π︎ 21
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︎ Jun 22 2022
My wife asked me if Iβve seen the cat litter
I told her I didnβt even know the cat got out of the house
π︎ 5
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︎ Aug 06 2022
What is the scientific name of the Christmas Cat?
π︎ 6
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︎ Aug 06 2022
What did they charge the cat burglar with?
π︎ 6
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︎ Jul 07 2022
What breed of cat was the first sent to space by the soviets?
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 08 2022
Why was the physicist's cat so quiet?
It forgot to turn its mew-on!
π︎ 3
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︎ Jun 20 2022
Someone left their cat in the dog run
π︎ 2k
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︎ Nov 18 2021
I asked my three year old what we should feed the cat for breakfastβ¦
βToast and meow-malade!β
π︎ 4
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︎ Jun 05 2022
a species of cat used to live on mars. but the species went extinct after NASA landed the curiousity rover
π︎ 8
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︎ Jun 01 2022
Why did the cat get a ticket?
π︎ 3
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︎ Jun 08 2022
What did the cat say to the leprechaun?
Meow. What else would it say?
π︎ 8
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︎ Apr 25 2022
Veterinarian said the bill for my catβs urine test is Β£180...
I told them theyβre taking the piss.
π︎ 2
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︎ Jun 11 2022
What does the cat say after making a joke?
π︎ 13
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︎ Apr 09 2022
Yesterday, a cat walked into a museum and scratched up one of βThe Water Liliesβ.
π︎ 12
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︎ May 18 2022
why didn't the cat pick up his trash?
π︎ 7
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︎ May 22 2022
why did the cat wear a top hat?
...because he was feline fancy...
π︎ 13
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︎ Apr 12 2022
The cat walks all over my keyboard while Iβm gaming.
And just as Iβve always told my parents I have to tell the cat, βIβm playing online, I canβt paws it.
π︎ 33
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︎ Mar 22 2022
What did the cat say when the dog finished all of the food?
π︎ 4
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︎ May 19 2022
I was wandering around the vet yesterday wondering where to pay for my cat.
They told me to get in back of the fee line.
π︎ 9
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︎ Apr 13 2022
What's the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of its clause.
π︎ 149
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︎ Sep 07 2022
My wife asked me, βis it just me or is the cat getting fat?β
Apparently, βno itβs just youβ wasnβt the right answer
π︎ 57
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︎ Jun 19 2022
Q: What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A: A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
π︎ 8k
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︎ Oct 15 2021
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