What's the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws. The other has a pause at the end of its clause.
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︎ Apr 13 2021
What did the French cat say when it wanted to go outside?
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︎ Apr 05 2021
What is the square root of a cat?
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︎ Mar 31 2021
In SchrΓΆdinger's thought experiment, if you open the box and the cat is dead,
then your curiosity killed the cat.
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︎ Mar 29 2021
My cat was just sick on the carpet,
I donβt think itβs feline well.
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︎ Mar 27 2021
"Did you put the cat out, dear?" "The cat died today."
"All the more reason to put him out."
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︎ Apr 15 2021
What did the cat say to the crow?
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︎ Apr 12 2021
How do you buy a cat, if the pet store is closed.( Made by my 5 year old niece)
You buy it from the cat-alogue
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︎ Jan 21 2021
My boss came in the other day and said it's cat had come home missing an eye...
I said that's weird cause I saw one in the middle of the road on my way in this morning
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︎ Mar 05 2021
What do the cats of opera singers cry for?
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︎ Mar 18 2021
What did the cat say to the serial killer?
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︎ Mar 10 2021
Wife: βHave you seen the cat bowl?"
No, I didn't know he could!
(Thanks and credit to Kia)
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︎ Mar 16 2021
Why was the cat afraid of the tree
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︎ Feb 22 2021
Did you hear that all cats have the same favorite color?
Yep. Apparently it's purple.
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︎ Feb 07 2021
When we arrived at the playground, I realised my son secretly brought the cat with him. I was about to be angry at him...
...but then I decided to let it slide.
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︎ Feb 09 2021
Love the new cat band Mewtallica
Especially their hit song, Enter Sandbox.
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︎ Feb 17 2021
What is the difference between a cat on a couch and a dim witted cow?
One is a cat loaf and the other is a cattle oaf.
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︎ Feb 18 2021
When it comes to decorating the Christmas tree, I've got a leg up on the competition. My cat says I passed out under the tree again, but I told her to stop pulling my leg.
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︎ Dec 28 2020
Cats in Communist countries are forced to eat the same thing every day and it affects their health!
Now they all have Mousey Tongue.
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︎ Feb 09 2021
How do you smuggle a cat over the border.
You launch it over with a Cat-apult
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︎ Feb 02 2021
My cat fell off the kitchen counter trying to push the food bowl...
I guess there is a mis-cat-culation
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︎ Feb 07 2021
Two cats are having a swimming race. One is called βOne Two Threeβ, the other βUn Deux Troisβ. Which cat won?
βOne Two Threeβ because βUn Deux Troisβ cat sank.
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︎ Oct 16 2020
So the house cats went to the tigers engagement party.
The tigers were having a great time, roaring, baring teeth and in general having a great time. The cats were sitting quietly off to the side. The tigers asked the cats, βWhy so quiet ? Donβt you like to have some boisterous fun ?β The cats replied, βOh yes, we used to be tigers too. Until we got married.β
PS. (This sounded way better when my friend told me in the original Malayalam language slang poocha-pulee)
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︎ Jan 26 2021
The rover killed the cat!
NASA proudly calls it βCuriosityβ
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︎ Jan 23 2021
My son, apparently an 7yo dad says to me... " Hey dad, what's the alien say to the cat?"
"Take me to your litter"
He's been working on his joke game. V.proud.
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︎ Jan 02 2021
What do you call a big cat that doesn't play by the rules?
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︎ Nov 03 2020
What would it be called the Birth of Jesus if they were all cats?
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︎ Dec 25 2020
I gave the cat a bath last week..
I still can't taste anything
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︎ Jan 08 2021
"Dad can you put the cat out?"
"Sorry I didn't know it was on fire again"
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︎ Jan 08 2021
My female cat just got fixed, but the vet insisted on referring to it as "feline ovarian removal".
Look, sometimes you have to call a spayed a spayed.
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︎ Oct 03 2020
I accidentally stepped on my cats tail. The cat jumped, and I ended up kicking the table pretty hard. βOuch!β I yelled
βYOU, ow?β The cat replied in disbelief.
βME-owβ
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︎ Sep 27 2020
I asked the librarian for a book about Pavlov's dogs and SchrΓΆdinger's cat.
She said it rang a bell but she didn't know if it was there or not.
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︎ Oct 28 2020
My wifi password is the cat's birthday month
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︎ Dec 22 2020
I accidentally swallowed the catβs pill.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
My cat kept trying to climb my Christmas tree so I put aluminum around the base of the tree.
Her plans have been foiled.
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︎ Nov 27 2020
What did the cat say when it got hurt?
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︎ Nov 30 2020
Did you hear about the woman who refused to get her female cat spayed?
She was arrested for littering.
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︎ Nov 01 2020
What's the difference between a cat and an iron rod?
Nothing, they're both felines
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︎ Dec 05 2020
What happened when the cat ate a ball of wool?
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︎ Nov 26 2020
What did the shipβs cat use instead of a litter box?
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︎ Nov 22 2020
Why are cats the best salesmen?
Theyβre very purr-suasive
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︎ Sep 27 2020
I went to the library looking for a book about Pavlovβs dog and SchrΓΆdingerβs cat
The librarian said it rang a bell but she wasnβt sure if it was there or not.
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︎ Nov 10 2019
What can you use to prevent stepping on your cat all the time?
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︎ Sep 27 2020
I spent the past few minutes throwing chickpeas at my cat's feet...
I used the beans to bean the beans.
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︎ Nov 09 2020
What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws, while the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
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︎ Apr 13 2021
What's the difference between a cat and a dog?
One has claws and the other has nails
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︎ Jan 22 2021
What is the difference between a cat and a compound statement?
One has claws at the end of its paws and the other has a pause at the end of its clause!
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︎ Oct 18 2020
What did the cat say when itβs tail was stepped on?
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︎ Dec 24 2020
"Dad, can you put the cat out?"
"I didn't know it was on fire."
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︎ Dec 03 2020
What did the alien say to the cat?
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︎ Oct 17 2020
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