Fast Food at Work

I was at work today speaking with a few of my coworkers when we start talking about lunch. Two of my coworkers start talking about fast food restaurants they like going to when:

CW: I try not to eat fast food, but I really can’t help myself sometimes!

Me: I try to eat the slowest food possible, which is why I exclusively eat Tortoises.

CW: Well, all ofβ€”

It took them a couple seconds, but when they all looked at me with that β€œoh my gosh, you said what?” look, it made it all worth it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatisus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2017
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Got my co-workers today

CW 1: we need 11, I have 4 right here, so we just need to make a few more

Me: So we got about a third of what we need

CW 2: Quit it with the fractions DarkStrobeLight

Me: do I half to? (Laughing maniacally)

CW 1: it's too early for this shit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkStrobeLight
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2016
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Best way to make your co-worker hate you:

Walking into work together today.

CW: Man, feels like I have something in my shoe.

Hero of the Universe: I'm guessing it's your foot?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/margraves
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2015
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Got my co-worker today...

So at work my co-worker was pushing a shopping cart full of old, Dusty fans.

Me: You must be really popular!

CW: Why?

Me: Because you have a lot of fans!

She skipped the eye roll and went right to a death stare.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/darksweetz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2015
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My girlfriend will be a better dad than I

My girlfriend works at a Veterinary clinic and was talking to her co-worker about her cat, which she had boarded at the clinic the night before.

Their conversation goes as follows:

CW- I'm pretty sure your cat hates me... GF- nah, she's just grumpy sometime CW- I'm pretty sure she does, she kept hissing at me when I'd go by her cage Gf- oh trust me, she just likes throwing hissy-fits CW- walks away

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2016
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Dad joked while in the restroom.

I'm finishing up at the urinal and walking to wash my hands as my co worker walks in.

Me: Wassup Sir CW: Wassup, I hear this is where all the dicks hang out. Me: Groans...

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2014
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I got my coworker today

We're in an air conditioned room and she's complaining that the AC air flow is directed at her.

CW [upset]: We need to get this AC to swing.

Me: Maybe dancing isn't its thing have you thought of that?

Other colleagues: pause, then that gratifying look of I hate you

Me: dadgrin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sal6a
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2015
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Traffic Dadjoke

Girlfriend: "Hey, I got the arrow." Referring to the green light. Me: "You know who also has an Arrow? The CW." Girlfriend: "Get out. No, I will not high-five you."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrslamdog
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2015
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Dad joked my co-worker today.

We were hooking a trailer up to our truck. The trailer is old and gives us a lot of grief. Since it was warmer out today it wasn't frozen to it was fairly easy to attach.

CW: "Well, that went off without a hitch!"

Me: "No there's a hitch, right there!" (as i pointed at the truck's hitch)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nightwing3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2014
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