Tattooed Man Puns

From a distance they will look like hares.

His wife says "What have you done that for?"

The man replys "2 reasons, first of, I like to watch my money grow. Secondly the next time you feel like blowing a £100 you don't need to leave the house to do it!

Wife calls out, "I can't find the jasmine rice. Do you see any?"

Man chuckles, "I don't know, have you asked Aladdin?"

I walked by them laughing quietly to myself and he and I grinned at each other

edit: formatting

The man asked, "Tit for tat?"

Well, I guess that backfired.

My kids have gotten to saying this a bunch, so now I reply like a dad...

"Oh ya! We went to the same New Year's party once."

"Sure! He makes the best crab dip."

"Big beard? Lousy tipper?"

"The tattoo guy?"

"Biblically."

"Gave him a 5-star Uber review."

"He was the best man at my wedding."

"I think I owe him $20."

"The bouncer at the club!? How do YOU know him?"

"Doesn't he work at the bakery next to PetSmart?"

"I heard he once punched a cop and broke his nose!"

Daughter: Where's your tattoo

Me: right here on my Arm. (Shows arm where tattoo is)

Daughter: Theres nothing there.

Me: Yeah there is, its The Invisible Man.

A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her name tattooed on his penis. Her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done while the penis was erect, so when it was not erect all you could see was W Y.

Shortly after the couple was married they were honeymooning in Jamaica. The man was in a bathroom, and standing next to him was a Jamaican man who also had a W Y on his penis. The American said to him "Oh is your girl named Wendy too?"

The Jamaican replied, "No mister that says 'Welcome to Jamaica Have a Nice Day'."

A man visits a tattoo parlor with a rather simple, but strange request. He requests a short, straight line tattooed on his upper arm.

Once the first tattoo heals, he returns, asking for another, exactly the same as the first.

After a few more visits, it becomes clear to the tattoo artist that he's tattooing tally marks on the customer's arm.

Curiosity getting the better of the tattoo artist, he asks, "What are you counting?"

The man answers, "How many tattoos I have."

Source - Pic Abridged version:

A man who dubbed himself Britain's biggest idiot after losing his wife after tattooing a comedy penis on his own leg is hoping to win back her heart by having it lasered off.

Hapless Stuart, 34, of Southsea, Hants, inked the six-and-a-half inch member on his left thigh, so the end pokes out of his boxer shorts.

"After I did it, my wife woke up in the morning screaming, because there was this massive penis poking out of the duvet. And the tattoo on my leg.

"It caused no end of rows, and she's now kicked me out of home. I deserve it, I suppose."

I saw a man today with an lower case Alpha tattoo on one arm and an upper case Omega tattoo on the other.

I was going to tell him about the mistake but decided he'd probabily be resistant to any input