A drunk Roman is talking to a stranger in a bar β€œDo you know how many women I slept with?”
  • Mm?
  • No, not that many
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
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Hopalong Happychopper walks into the saloon and the bartender says, "Howdy stranger, ain't seen you in these parts, so you must be here to watch the hanging!" Hopalong looks the bartender menacingly in the eyes and replies, "Nope, but seeing we're talking, who are you hanging?"

The bartender responds, "Well, ain't you heard cowboy, we gonna string up Brown Paper Rattler mighty high, even the angels are gonna hear his neck break!"

Hopalong asks, "Why they call him Brown Paper Rattler?"

The bartender chuckles, "Why, old Rattler wears a brown paper Stetson, a brown paper waistcoat and even right down to brown paper socks."

Puzzled, Hopalong then asks, "So why you hanging him?"

...and the bartender replies, "For rustling."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
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My wife is nervous about having to talk to strangers on a cruise we are about to take.

I said, β€œDon’t worry. We are all in the same boat.”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
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I tried to talk to two strangers today and they both whisked their hands at me and told me to get lost.

I guess you could say I got a brand new pair of shoos.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmahler0514
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
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Never talk to strangers? I prefer to talk to strangers!

They're so much more interesting than normalers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AngryCrab
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2014
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Got the wife her response is why I love her.

So we were talking about plants and I randomly come up with:

If you stab a vampire with a cactus doesn't that make it a succulent steak?

She groans and can't help but giggle as she literally face palms, but complains none the less "I thought you loved me!". I laugh even harder. "You're proud of that aren't you, why you are so proud of that? When you shit in your hand and throw it at strangers that is nothing to be proud of".

Tell you fellers she's a keeper :D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kactusotp
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2015
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Kid tow away service, does it still count if I'm a mom?

A strangers car broke down and they left it in our yard for a week and a half, leaving no name or contact information. After making several attempts on social media to find these people to come get their vehicle, I finally had to call the local police station to ask them to take care of it.

An officer came and he talked about putting a 72 hour notice sticker on it and then having it towed. At the mention of stickers my 6 year old blurted, "oh! Stickers! Can I have one?!" The policeman asked if my boy could come to the cruiser to get a few stickers. I said, "sure but, kid, are you sure? After 72 hours they will tow you away!" My boy groaned "moooommmm...." but at least the officer laughed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weinerlicker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2016
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