THeMIS Puns

He said he never had any issues with mis-calculations during construction on houses and I said that's impossible.

I told him in response about a time I put a post in the ground at a bad angle and had to take it out and put it back in correctly.

He got mad at me because he had heard the same exact story on r/construction

I guess you could call it a repost

"Hello, me!"

^((for the non-dads: that's) ^("hallou mi"))

Because they live in misery (مصري)

Note for the non Arabic speakers:

Egypt = miSr (مصر)

Egyptian = miSrii (مصري)

If the Chicago Bears moved to Detroit, then Detroit would have the Lions, the Tigers, and the Bears. Oh MI!

Kid 1: Let's watch -Japanese name of some anime-

Kid 2: No, let's watch -Japanese name of some other anime-

Me: Let's watch Supphomi!

Kid 2: "What the hell is Suppho... (realization dawns) mi..."

Me: NOT MUCH HOMIE, WHAT THE HELL 'SUP WITH YOU?!

Three food items are having a conversation at a bar.

The first one says "Soy milk."

The second one says "Hola! Soy sauce."

The third one says "Hola, mis amigos! Soy beans."

So let's say I'm looking for my keys. Where are they, I don't know, I can't find them. So I say to my wife (we're both non-hispanic white people from Arizona with constant Spanish immersion enough to pick some up some of the language):

Donde estan mis llaves? (Where are my keys?) Aqui! Aqui! (Here! Here!)

The dadjoke part of this is that Aqui sounds like 'A Key'.

Gets a groan every time!

The steaks were high so she stole them.

She said it was a mis-steak but they were in her bag!

It was a steak to the employee's heart when the lady said, "My kids have nothing to eat....."

When the employee caught the thief, her manager said, "Well done!" to which the employee replied, "No, they're still raw."

A lady tried stealing steaks from a dollar tree where I live. I guess she had a lot of missed steaks.

My professor and I were emailing about the final project I had recently submitted when I decided to take the time to thank her for being so helpful. Professors that make classes easier to understand and add a little humor to their lectures deserve all the praise in the world, and mine was no exception to that. This was also my first class that wasn't a general education course, starting me on an MIS degree.

I emailed her saying something along the lines of,

"Thanks for being so helpful throughout the semester, this was my first MIS class and you really gave me the confidence I needed in knowing I was doing it right."

I followed with "Thanks for making this class so interesting, I will be transferring to (insert new college here) to continue earning my MIS degree. I think it's safe to say you influenced my decision to a certain degree. Hah! Certain degree, get it?"

She called me over after next lecture to tell me how bad my pun was while groaning and chuckling. No regrets.

My buddy and I went to get food after we cooled down from the gym. We went to chili's and I ordered a steak. The stake came out undercooked, but I prefer rarer steaks anyways.

As I was eating, I said, "This steak isn't that great." He replies with, "I guess it was a mis-steak," with a smile on his face. I replied with, "You get two more laps tomorrow for that. His response was, "I guess the steaks just keep getting higher." I shook my head in disgust and secret pride for him.

Sorry for format. I'm on mobile.

He was getting his blood drawn and the nurse said she was putting in an anticoagulant in. But she mis-spoke and said anti quackulant

So then my patient responds "but I'm not a duck"

Hahaha it was even funnier because of how serious everything was.

My friend and I were playing Magic The Gathering (Card game), and we were talking about our previous games at a tournament that just happened couple days prior. He told me he lost a game due to a little mistake.

His exact words were "Man, I was so stupid. I mis-read it" I replied with "Well, if you mis-read it, theres a computer behind you." My friend then groaned... looked at me, and shook his head, while i laughed at my own joke.

ba dum, tsh!

All while planning next year's big trip to Disneyland.

Wife: We can make our daughter wear a dress!

MiL: Yeah she could wear a tu-tu!

Me: Well if we're going all out, why don't we just get her a three-three!

eyes roll

MiL to Wife: You know you could wear a tu-tu too!

Me: The math still adds up, so we are getting a three-three!

groans

Wife: Shut up.

Thanks, I'm here all week.

So I've been dating this Jewish girl for a while, (I'm catholic) and the other day we were talking about getting dinner. The conversation went as follows.

Me - "I think we're picking up dinner at mi pueblo"

Her- "I've never been there"

Me- "It's good."

Her- "I'm not the biggest Mexican person though sooo"

Me- "No, you're actually a rather small Jewish person"

Her- "...."

I'm teaching English in Korea and we were practicing the expression "how do you say X in Y" in class today.

Student - How do you say 미안해 (mi-an-hae) in English?

Me - "I'm sorry."

Student - That's OK.

Me and my sister were in the back seat of the car talking about recipes and food and we brought up halloumi.. My dad started singing "hallou... It's mi...". Love you dad

My wife and mother in law were washing some dishes in the kitchen after a get together. I came in to get a drink and noticed a box of crackers on the counter where they were standing...

Me: What do those crackers do?

Mother in Law: What do you mean?

Me: Just curious to know what those crackers do. That is all.

MiL: Those were for the cheese that i bought. Did you want some more cheese and crackers? I have some left in the fridge.

Wife: Mom. They say "entertainment" crackers.

My wife started to laugh since i got her mom. Mother in law tried to play it off.

On the evening of the 4th, my family met up with some extended family at my grandparent's house. While having dinner, my grandma noticed my dad didn't have a steak. She asked why and my dad said he wasn't that hungry.

I turned to him and said, "Are you sure dad? They're delicious! I mean not having one would surely be a mi-steak!"

(Not so) oddly enough, only the dads found it to be funny. The wives/my siblings just gave me the "Seriously?" look.

In the middle of MiB and dad comes in. "Men in Black huh? What about men in beige with yellow trim?" Classic dad.