Stupid Stupid Stupid Puns

I said, “That’s.....a novel idea.”

But I shut him down immediately because I'm well aware that it's the past tense of seahorse

Thanks

If it gets any worse, I guess I’ll have to let her in.

I said "Jeez cant you take a toke ?"

Sorry. I just gotta vent.

A dumb ass.

He thought an arms dealer sold prosthetic limbs...

1. My friend once told me she watched Regular Show all the time. I said, "I guess you could say you watch it regularly." We are not friends anymore. (True Story)

2. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

3. I wanted to take pictures of the fog this morning… But I mist my chance. I guess I could dew it tomorrow!

4. Looks tasty. Gimme a pizza that.

5. Why do eggs hate jokes? The answers always crack them up!

6. What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? "Hey, close the door! I'm dressing!"

7. Somebody stole all my lamps…. And I couldn't be more de-lighted!

8. I once met a pig that did karate… We called him Pork Chop!

9. Coffee has a rough time in our house. It gets mugged every single morning!

10. My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!

(Source For All Puns Except The First) https://bestlifeonline.com/bad-funny-puns/

That idiot doesn't have a Clue.

But this post says otherwise.

But I decided to call her Bluff.

I replied "don't call the car stupid! It passed it's emissions test!!!"

A dum-bass

I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

... is that Martyrdum?

Yeah...its a pretty shih tzu

Alarm clock screams before I punch it

Luckily I'm in the other 5%.

We were eating pizza with stuffed crust the other night. As we finished, he told us all, “man, I’m stuffed!”

It was even funnier that he was crying of laughter. I love my dad.

Wooden tit

Dumbell

I don’t know what I was thinking.

It's how eye roll.

An udder fool

I know this might not be the place to post a question but I was wondering if any of you punny peeps can help me out? I got some free stamps and I want to mail a few potatoes out to my relatives. I know this is pretty stupid and a waste of time but I'm laughing at myself just thinking what their reactions and responses will be when they check their mailbox and see a potato. I want to write a potato pun somewhere on the potato. So of you're willing to help me do this; please leave me your potato puns for me to read and decide which ones I'll be using. Thank you for reading.

I tell her to stop being a small island off the South West coast of Italy.

this picture says otherwise.

They’re very dense

What a dum bass

Luckily I'm part of the 3%!

Me: I see. And for the main course?

I don’t even know where antenna is

A kidiot

Dumb Ass Cuz.

What do you call a....

deer with no eyes? No idea

deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea

cow with no legs? Ground beef

donkey with three legs? A wonky

fish with no eyes? A fsh

fly with no wings? A walk

sheep with no legs? A cloud

What do you call a cheese that's not yours? Nacho cheese

What does cheese say when it looks in the mirror? Halloumi

What's the best cheese to...

hide a horse? Mask a pony (mascarpone)

get a bear out of a tree? Come on bear (camembert)

Fire-retard-ants

What do you call a witch on the beach? A sandwitch (hallarious please laugh)

I told her she was just clever in her own way.

However it's definitely the government's fault that people think this way.

its only a minor election

Well, I beg to differ.

Humpty in a dumb-tee.

You have to go through all the hassle of changing it to Kilometers if you leave the US.

Me: "You mean the Cross-hair?"

I said "Hi sick-and-tired-of-all-your-lame-ass-stupid-jokes, I'm Dad."

Having roast pork for Sunday dinner, which needed to be scored to make crackling:

Mum: The meat needs to be scored.

Dad: 5 out of 10.

I stared dead at them, pointed, and said "This means War!"

Apparently he was 1 der fool

Idiot Amin.

that takes the cake.

He didn't understand Evolution at all, in fact he claimed to be from Darwin.

I told him it's because they can't even read

For instance, metal-heads are pretty damn dense.

'Yeah, they're a bit forced.'

Inkcompetant

I turned to him and said, "Man, the band that sings this song is Garbage."

When my wife finally asked what I was doing, yelling at a bag of crackers, I explained that the recipe called for 30 crushed crackers.

That happened 2 days ago. By coincidence, we had another recipe for dinner that required crushed crackers, and my wife made sure I understood that it meant physically, not verbally.

.. Maybe I'm not sharp enough to understand them but I don't get their point.

"Not Yeti."

The other day I witnessed the first ever dad joke to come out of my dad's mouth. He is 66.

Conversing about dental work:

Dad: "They keep telling me to get my wisdom teeth removed. I am 66."

Me: "Yeah, seems a little late for that."

Dad: "I never got wisdom teeth on this side, but I have them over here, which is probably why I am half stupid..."

I laughed immediately. It took the rest of the family a little longer to notice the dad joke.

But I made this post yesterday that says otherwise.

Obligatory Edit: I have so many people to thank for gold, but I think this says it all.

I said, “That’s ...... a novel idea.”

Luckily I'm in the other 5%.

I tell her, don't be a small island off the South West coast of Italy.

Me: That’s a.....novel idea.

Me: Ok, and for the main course?

A dumbass.

A dumb-bass

Something stupid