How do you stop a rhino from spreading hate online?
You take away his Reddit card.
(I'm assuming some other dad already told you the one about the rhino's credit card 300 times...)
Did you know that your pupils are the last parts to stop working after you die?
At what point does it stop being grave robbing and start being archaeology?
I hate my job. All I do is crush cans all day.
I returned my lizard to the pet store as he wouldn’t stop telling dad jokes.
That’s not a lizard, the store clerk told me. That’s a stand-up chameleon
People in Athens hate getting up early.
Because Dawn is tough on Greece!
I hate the word "xenophobia", it sounds so...
I used to hate mushrooms
But now they’re starting to grow on me
Person: Please stop putting African Countries in puns its really annoying!
A doctor always stops off at the same bar and orders a drink with a walnut in it.
One day he goes in and asks for it and the barkeeper says I'm sorry sorry but I don't have any walnuts. How about a hickory daiquirie doc?
I hate it .when people post lyrics from songs.
How do you stop a fight between two blind people?
Say "I bet $10 on the one with the knife", and both will run away
I hate it when my wife tells me I'm lazy.
I didn't do anything to deserve it.
Did you hear McDonalds will stop serving fries in Switzerland?
The Swiss don't take sides.
I hate having bills to pay .....
I know he gets embarrassed about being bald and it sort of creeps me out
Your pupils are the last part of your body that stops working when you die.
They dilate.
I'm not a dad, this is not my joke.
I dated a feminist from New Zealand who hated puns about inorganic substances.
She believed that mineral the same.
I hate visiting my dermatologist...
He really gets under my skin
I had to break up with this girl who just would not stop counting.
I wonder what she’s up to now.
My wife hates it when I burn perfume sticks around her...
...she's very incense-itive.
My wife got mad at me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I’m a Believer” by the Monkees. At first, I thought she was kidding.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
I am so, so sorry
My wife hates all these word play jokes, she said I need to stop
I replied: I can’t! Im addicted, how can I quit?
She said “any means necessary”
“No it doesn’t” I replied
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.
I hate Russian dolls.
They're so full of themselves.
I tried googling tips to stop procrastinating but I ended up reading about photography
Why did the pig stop sunbathing?
Don’t you guys hate it when you have hare in your soup
I hate charging batteries.
Caught my son chewing on electrical wires....
Had to ground him until he could conduct himself properly.
I hate lazy people!
I don't know why, they didn't even do anything.
What Asian food do Jamaican Egyptians prefer?
I love my balloon animal class. I just hate the pop quizzes.
Anyone who can spell the word drawer backwards...
Bilbo Baggins wakes up suddenly to “Don’t Stop Believing”.
It was an unexpected Journey.
My Russian wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo.
So I'm Putin my foot down.
I HATE HOW FUNERALS ARE ALWAYS AT 9AM
I'm not really a mourning person 😔
A guy anxiously said to his psychologist, “Doc, you gotta help me. I keep having a strange dream that I’m either a teepee or a wigwam. Every night, teepee, wigwam, teepee, wigwam! Please, make it stop!”
The doctor said, “Relax, you’re two tents.”
I hate the cash register I have to use at work
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
My dad was telling me how much he hated elevators.
He told me he always took steps to avoid them.
I'm starting to hate shows like Chernobyl
I can count all 7 inaccuracies from the first episode on one hand
Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. That's it.
A representative from the neighborhood HOA stopped by seeking donations for the new community pool.
I gave him a cup of water.
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo
So I had to put my foot down
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