I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren’t that good, but I liked the execution.
What's the opposite of stand up comedy ?
Does Caitlyn Jenner stand up on the subway?
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
Did you hear about the owls stand up performance?
I retired from boxing to become a stand up comic
I had too many punchlines in my head
What’s the difference between a lousy trashy stand up comedian, and a father making jokes about pens?
One is bad at telling dick jokes, the other is dad at telling Bic jokes.
I tried to become a stand up comedian, but it turns out that I am more of a "sit down" comedian.
After every joke I told, someone kept yelling "sit down"!
Why did the meat cutter decide against a career in stand-up comedy?
He was afraid he would butcher all the jokes.
The sergeant asked the private to 'stand up straight'.
The private said, "That's a tall order, sir."
My Himalayan friend has a cow that refuses to stand up.
I always see Himalayan there.
Why do we stand up when we are cold?
The only people to show up to my friend’s funeral were some of his one night stands and some friends from church.
Our plumber moonlights as a stand-up comedian.
He's a terrible plumber, but he really cracks me up.
Touring stand-ups keep getting covid.
I guess laughter isn’t the best medicine.
Why can’t bicycles stand up by themselves?
Because they are two tired.
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
Two British monks set up a small snack stand at the parish fair.
They divided the duties equally: one was the fish friar, and the other was
the chip monk!
A Buddhist walked up to a hot dog stand...
And said “make me one with everything”
-Robin Williams.
I've decided to base my stand up routine around hollowed-out cones
I’d first like to make sure this thing is working. If your name is Michael, please stand up.
That concludes the mike check
I just realized they can't ever make a movie about a male scandanavian Transformer who works as a stand-up comedian.
They'd be guilty of vehicle Lars mans laughter.
I think it’s so important to keep speeches short and meaningful, I just stand up and say plethora
I can't stand stuck-up bodies of water.
I mean, get over yourself, Lake Superior.
Last night, there was such an amazing stand-up comedian at the party that we decided to raise our glasses filled with alcohol to praise him.
I wasn't invited to perform on the annual mushroom stand-up comedy show
I guess they must have realized I'm not a fungi.
You are watching a stand-up comedy and suddenly the comedian sits down
Before the crash, I use to be a a pretty good stand up comedian
Now I'm a sit down comedian.
At Bob's retirement party the Director stands up and says "I'd just like to say a word about Bob", clears his throat and then says, "plethora",
Bob turns to him and says, "thank you, that means a lot".
My friend decided to do stand up comedy in a cemetery
People usually say, “let’s blow this popsicle stand,” when they are at a place where people are cold and have the proverbial, “stick up their ass.”
My friend used to get so nervous that he peed his pants every time he had to stand up in his third grade class.
Finally he quit his job as a teacher.
I really want to see Patrick Warburton do a stand-up comedy act where he just reads dad jokes.
That shit would be Kronk.
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good ,but I liked the execution
"Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?"
Why can’t a bicycle stand up by itself?
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up?
Because it was two tired.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
A Zen master walked up to a hot dog stand, and ordered himself a meal.
"Make me one with everything."
My Himalayan friend has a bull that refuses to stand up.
I always see Himalayan there.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up on its own?
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
Why can't a bicycle stand up on its own?
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up on its own?
Because it was two-tired.
Classic
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