The CFL's Calgary Stampeders have some top notch twitter punning twitter.com/calstampeders…
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📅︎ Mar 17 2016
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Did you hear about the stampede of large antelope?

I was gnus to me too.

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📅︎ Apr 01 2020
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What do you yell to stop a heard of stampeding cows?

Steak Calm!!!

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👤︎ u/Spartacats
📅︎ Jul 13 2019
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How do you escape a stampede?

Mufasa

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📅︎ Feb 11 2019
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So I'm in my garage and my wife walks in.

She yells STAMPEDE!!! And threw a handful of animal crackers at me.

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📅︎ Mar 03 2020
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Genies work differently than you think they do (long joke)

A man walks into a peculiar bar. There’s a small man no more than a foot tall playing the piano in the corner, men with horns and many other odd things. He noticed people huddled around a table. He walks up to the bartender and asks “what’s going on over there?” The bartender replies,” oh it’s a game, if you win a genie will grant you one wish”. “Really! Can I wish for anything!?” The Bartender says “yup just be specific and enunciate. Trust me” “How do you play!?” The man asks excitedly “It’s simple if you roll snake eyes you win. Everyone gets one chance and no more” The man runs over the the table and waits his turn. Once he gets up to the table he rolls snake eyes, he’s ecstatic. A genie appears over the table and says”you get one wish” The man is jumping up and down in excitement. He can hear the bartender saying something but ignores him and says”I want a million bucks!” The genie says”done” snaps his fingers and disappears. In that moment one million male deer, elk, antelope and other animals fill the bar spilling out into the street. After several minutes the stampede leaves the bar and the man says” what was that that wasn’t what I wanted!?” The bartender says “what did I say!? I told you to be specific and enunciate!” “Oooh I see But how did you know that would happen” the man says “Do you really think I wished for a twelve inch pianist?”

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👤︎ u/SirOrville
📅︎ Jun 20 2019
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