Do your worst!
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Y'know, the Federation is actually a superpower...
The rest of the series can be found here
***
On board the Remember Eternal, one of the Federation’s new Argent class heavy cruisers, a grim faced Vulxeen sat in the command chair.
“Has the Morran courier boarded?” he asked calmly.
“Yes, Captain,” one of the crew replied and then smirked, “He says that he is dissatisfied with his quarters and demands to speak with you.”
“Oh, does he now,” the captain replied as the bridge broke out in malicious chuckles, “Well send him to one of the ‘reception chambers’ and tell him I will meet with him when I am able.”
“Yes, Captain,” the crewman snickered and then ordered security to take the courier to the brig.
“Has the jump been calculated?” he asked in his calm emotionless voice, all feeling burned from his soul by the Republic. He and all of his crew were “distinguished veterans” of that catastrophic conflict.
“Jumps for all four Argents have been calculated and laid in,” the navigator, a Kreneel who was missing the feathers on one of his arms, replied in an equally impassive voice.
“Synchronized jump at will,” he said in a monotone.
“Jumping,” the navigator replied as all four warships slid silently into hyperspace.
“How long are you going to make the Morran simmer,” his first officer, a physically unscarred Kaavel with Gloria-like eyes chuckled as it perched its small furry body on top of the oversized chair (for her) on which she lounged.
“The who?” the captain replied impassively.
“Nevermind,” the Kaavel sneered and then looked at their status display. “Four Argents, most of our fleet, assigned to escort duty? I assume there is a reason?”
“We are making one of the new convoy circuits,” the captain said, “On board, we have over a dozen couriers carrying the payments for their agreements in cash, well over five hundred billion credits worth. If they fail to reach their destination the results will be severe. Even if their partners, most with legitimate grievances, decide to grant them mercy the damage to the economy of the races we are carrying will be seriously impacted… and the Forsaken get billions more to give to the Republic, which will then use the money to expand their arms production. At our ‘fattest’ we will be carrying half again as much as well as a significant amount of cargo most of which will be food and industrial raw materials that are urgently needed by ye
... keep reading on reddit ➡They’re on standbi
Pilot on me!!
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
I won't be doing that today!
You take away their little brooms
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
There hasn't been a post all year!
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
Buenosdillas
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
-
Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
-
French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
-
Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
-
Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
Nothing, it just waved
Bob
So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."
Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.
Just to clarify, 12345678
Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...
Notices there's only 2;
Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."
I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.
I was just sitting there doing nothing.
“BOOM”?!
"That's what they're fighting about."
Because his Visa didn’t work.
Because the audience only responds in a low ha
When I got home, they were still there.
