Got my sisters whole family with my dumb owl joke, with a bonus follow up groaner
Me: I don't wanna alarm anyone, but I think someone in this room might be an owl.
Sisters kids: Who? WHO?
Me: gasp OH NO IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT!
cue 2 hours of 4 small kids running around the house like nutcases screaming who at each other
Sister: You don't get to tell my kids dad jokes anymore. You're not even a dad
Me: I'm a faux pas
My sister didn't get my pun
My mom has 3 kids. My brother was born a gas, my sister a liquid and I am a solid. Yesterday my mom looked upset so I asked her what was wrong. She said "I'm pregnant"
So I said "Okay, what's the matter?"
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator.
I guess..we are raised differently.
My dad's sister works in a Paris bakery and hates it.
True story: As kids, my sister and I were fighting over the TV remote and it got heated. The remote flew across the room and a couple AAA batteries fell out. My sister threw one at me, and I grabbed a nearby salt shaker and threw it at her.
My mother, who was watching this go down, just laughs and says, "Assault and battery!"
She then left the room, cackling.
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I just found a whip, mask and some handcuffs in my sisters room.
I just had no idea she was a superhero.
My sister told me she was constipated
I told her, she was full of crap
My sister just delivered a baby...
I knew she had it in her.
My sister has been reading game of thrones and she really liked the line "the sound of steel on steel"
So she decided to steel it
My sister had a baby, she hopes it’ll save the relationship...
But I still don’t talk to her
My Dad’s sister got eaten by a lion with a long nose
My 9-month-old ate part of her sister's math homework.
Now we're waiting to see if she passes algebra.
Son: My sister is making me INSANE.
Me: Did she push you off of a Parisian bridge?
Wife: 🤦♀️
Tried telling my sister a terrorist joke
My sister, the biologist, was studying cell division when she dropped her microscope on my toe.
My sister is a nun and she doesn't like dad jokes
that's why we stick with father jokes
Any engineers here? My trans sister is one.
My sister is freaked out by the Apocalypse.
My dad's sisters can't get covid
My sister is going on a date for coffee with a guy named joe....
You could say she’s going for a cup with Joe.....
My step sister and I share the same dad.
But her birth was a whole wifetime ago
Just happened. My kids are running around blowing a party noise marker. My wife's sister says " it sounds like an elephant in there"
I look up, straight faced, and calmly reply, "yeah, we don't talk about that.."
My wife buried her face for a good minute.. I'm proud of that one.
EDIT: I showed my wife how many ppl thought this was funny and she told me to say "please don't encourage him" .. :)
My sister might as well be a Dad
My sister asked "When do my wisdom teeth come in?"
"If they haven't yet, its probably because Amazon shipping has been delayed." I said.
As she was laughing, I shrugged. "I thought that was a good one. I just came to me," I paused, "Probably because I have Prime."
My sister fell in love with a welder.
My sister in law told me a time traveling joke I was gonna share with ya all..
My sister fell for a musician.
My sister's family lost their only income when his husband got fired from his job making shoes, baguettes and sausages.
He was their sole bread wiener.
My dad's sister is a fish
Just messaging my sister.
My sister said I looked like a German composer and musician of the Baroque period, especially when wearing my powdered wig... So I changed everything and it changed my life!
I haven't looked Bach since!
My wife to our son, "Go brush your teeth with your sister"
Me from the other room, "No, use a toothbrush".
My sister didn't believe me when I told her I don't know who the Prime Minister of Canada is
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
My little sister pirated me
My Dad's sister, Karen, hates herself
My sister asked me to keep my nephew from playing games on his tablet all night. I suggested he builds a fort with his cousin.
He instantly replied, “but mom said I couldn’t play Fort Night”
(He’s gonna be a great dad some day)
My wife was very excited to finally introduce our kids to her sister...
My 7 yr old sister did a huge fart and I told her to say excuse me and she follows with this:
My mother's sister can carry 50 times her own weight
Sister in law was holding my baby but was talking about her onesie. “Is this a newborn”?
Of course it is, Kayleigh. She was born two days ago!
My sister doesn’t appreciate my pun.
I told my sister that she was “literally kidding”
when she went into labor. (She was not impressed.)
My sister said she doesn't like tall guys
I said she was in-tall-erant
I've just found some whips, mask and some handcuffs in my sisters room....
Absolutely had no idea she was a superhero !!!
I've just found a whip, mask and some handcuffs in my sisters room...
Had no idea she was a superhero.
My twin sister always takes the stairs, but I prefer taking the elevator.
I guess.... we are raised differently.
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