Got my sisters whole family with my dumb owl joke, with a bonus follow up groaner
Me: I don't wanna alarm anyone, but I think someone in this room might be an owl.
Sisters kids: Who? WHO?
Me: gasp OH NO IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT!
cue 2 hours of 4 small kids running around the house like nutcases screaming who at each other
Sister: You don't get to tell my kids dad jokes anymore. You're not even a dad
Me: I'm a faux pas
๐︎ 11k
๐
︎ Jan 05 2021
My sister didn't get my pun
๐︎ 3k
๐
︎ Dec 15 2020
My mom has 3 kids. My brother was born a gas, my sister a liquid and I am a solid. Yesterday my mom looked upset so I asked her what was wrong. She said "I'm pregnant"
So I said "Okay, what's the matter?"
๐︎ 16
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︎ Mar 29 2021
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator.
I guess..we are raised differently.
๐︎ 40
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︎ Feb 24 2021
My dad's sister works in a Paris bakery and hates it.
๐︎ 5
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︎ Mar 28 2021
True story: As kids, my sister and I were fighting over the TV remote and it got heated. The remote flew across the room and a couple AAA batteries fell out. My sister threw one at me, and I grabbed a nearby salt shaker and threw it at her.
My mother, who was watching this go down, just laughs and says, "Assault and battery!"
She then left the room, cackling.
๐︎ 27
๐
︎ Mar 07 2021
My sister asked me to stop singing โWonderwallโ
๐︎ 82
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︎ Dec 22 2020
I just found a whip, mask and some handcuffs in my sisters room.
I just had no idea she was a superhero.
๐︎ 201
๐
︎ Dec 22 2020
My sister told me she was constipated
I told her, she was full of crap
๐︎ 14
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︎ Jan 21 2021
My sister just delivered a baby...
I knew she had it in her.
๐︎ 191
๐
︎ Nov 13 2020
My sister has been reading game of thrones and she really liked the line "the sound of steel on steel"
So she decided to steel it
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Dec 31 2020
๐︎ 20
๐
︎ Nov 27 2020
My sister had a baby, she hopes itโll save the relationship...
But I still donโt talk to her
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Jan 31 2021
My Dadโs sister got eaten by a lion with a long nose
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Jan 04 2021
My 9-month-old ate part of her sister's math homework.
Now we're waiting to see if she passes algebra.
๐︎ 12
๐
︎ Dec 25 2020
Son: My sister is making me INSANE.
Me: Did she push you off of a Parisian bridge?
Wife: ๐คฆโโ๏ธ
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Jan 14 2021
Tried telling my sister a terrorist joke
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Jan 03 2021
My sister, the biologist, was studying cell division when she dropped her microscope on my toe.
๐︎ 23
๐
︎ Dec 08 2020
My sister is a nun and she doesn't like dad jokes
that's why we stick with father jokes
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Dec 14 2020
Any engineers here? My trans sister is one.
๐︎ 2k
๐
︎ May 17 2020
My sister is freaked out by the Apocalypse.
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Dec 26 2020
My dad's sisters can't get covid
๐︎ 10
๐
︎ Jan 01 2021
My sister is going on a date for coffee with a guy named joe....
You could say sheโs going for a cup with Joe.....
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Jan 05 2021
My step sister and I share the same dad.
But her birth was a whole wifetime ago
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Jan 04 2021
Just happened. My kids are running around blowing a party noise marker. My wife's sister says " it sounds like an elephant in there"
I look up, straight faced, and calmly reply, "yeah, we don't talk about that.."
My wife buried her face for a good minute.. I'm proud of that one.
EDIT: I showed my wife how many ppl thought this was funny and she told me to say "please don't encourage him" .. :)
๐︎ 16k
๐
︎ Jan 29 2020
My sister might as well be a Dad
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Nov 08 2020
My sister asked "When do my wisdom teeth come in?"
"If they haven't yet, its probably because Amazon shipping has been delayed." I said.
As she was laughing, I shrugged. "I thought that was a good one. I just came to me," I paused, "Probably because I have Prime."
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Nov 03 2020
My sister fell in love with a welder.
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Nov 20 2020
My sister in law told me a time traveling joke I was gonna share with ya all..
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Nov 12 2020
My sister fell for a musician.
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Nov 20 2020
My sister's family lost their only income when his husband got fired from his job making shoes, baguettes and sausages.
He was their sole bread wiener.
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Nov 20 2020
My dad's sister is a fish
๐︎ 12
๐
︎ Oct 16 2020
Just messaging my sister.
๐︎ 26
๐
︎ Sep 16 2020
My sister said I looked like a German composer and musician of the Baroque period, especially when wearing my powdered wig... So I changed everything and it changed my life!
I haven't looked Bach since!
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Sep 29 2020
My wife to our son, "Go brush your teeth with your sister"
Me from the other room, "No, use a toothbrush".
๐︎ 12k
๐
︎ Oct 20 2019
My sister didn't believe me when I told her I don't know who the Prime Minister of Canada is
๐︎ 79
๐
︎ Aug 18 2020
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
๐︎ 10
๐
︎ Oct 16 2020
My little sister pirated me
๐︎ 97
๐
︎ Apr 30 2020
My Dad's sister, Karen, hates herself
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Oct 12 2020
My sister asked me to keep my nephew from playing games on his tablet all night. I suggested he builds a fort with his cousin.
He instantly replied, โbut mom said I couldnโt play Fort Nightโ
(Heโs gonna be a great dad some day)
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Oct 17 2020
My wife was very excited to finally introduce our kids to her sister...
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Oct 01 2020
My 7 yr old sister did a huge fart and I told her to say excuse me and she follows with this:
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Aug 11 2020
My mother's sister can carry 50 times her own weight
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Jul 28 2020
Sister in law was holding my baby but was talking about her onesie. โIs this a newbornโ?
Of course it is, Kayleigh. She was born two days ago!
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Sep 10 2020
My sister doesnโt appreciate my pun.
๐︎ 37
๐
︎ Apr 19 2020
I told my sister that she was โliterally kiddingโ
when she went into labor. (She was not impressed.)
๐︎ 38
๐
︎ Jul 10 2020
My sister said she doesn't like tall guys
I said she was in-tall-erant
๐︎ 15
๐
︎ Jul 26 2020
I've just found some whips, mask and some handcuffs in my sisters room....
Absolutely had no idea she was a superhero !!!
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Feb 12 2021
I've just found a whip, mask and some handcuffs in my sisters room...
Had no idea she was a superhero.
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Nov 05 2020
My twin sister always takes the stairs, but I prefer taking the elevator.
I guess.... we are raised differently.
๐︎ 359
๐
︎ Jul 21 2020
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