My girlfriend poked me in the eye I stopped seeing her after a while
I sure got a kick out of seeing the comedian perform.
I would have preferred a handshake, though.
Upon seeing a gorgeous girl at the party, I knew I had to meet her. So I approached and told her about a special-purpose ship designed to move and navigate through frozen waters, and provide safe waterways for other boats and ships.
I've used it before and it works. It's the perfect icebreaker.
Apparently that new tropical storm is really hard to track. I keep seeing on the news TROPICAL STORM ETA
but they never say when it’ll hit.
I have started freezing different objects at -273.15°c and blowing them up. Seeing with items reacted differently.
I call it the 0k boomer experiment.
Next month, I’m going to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in San Francisco in person.
My wife said, “What are you going to do when you finally see it?”
Me: I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.
In college, I used to live on a houseboat, and started seeing the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
I've been seeing a lot of Stump Grinding signs lately.
I wonder what office they're running for.
I once saw two men quarreling because both claimed that his family name is Fuck and the other is lying. After seeing their IDs, I found out that only one man was telling the truth, the one with the first name What.
Today is the last time I am seeing my 11 year old brother!
Coz he's turning 12 tomorrow!
[In court] Judge: After seeing all the evidence, I am sending you to jail.
Defendant: Say-you-did-what.
Judge: What did you say?
Defendant: Thanks for reversing my sentence.
"Doctor, Doctor, I keep seeing an insect buzzing around me"
"Don't worry it's just a bug that going around"
Seeing such high unemployment rate, I thought of making a joke about unemployed people
but none of them worked...
I’m seeing a therapist for my kleptomania.
I’m taking away something valuable from each session.
Pun appreciation because the guy I’m seeing is too slow to get it
him: ugh I wish you could squirt
me: wtf I don’t call out all your flaws so don’t call out my short cummings
When I visited Alaska, I kept thinking I was seeing native eye doctors...
Turns out it was just an optical Aleutian.
I just found out my wife has been seeing an electrician behind my back
I said "kansas" like "kansaw" like you know, how "arkansas" is pronounced, and once my bf told me the truth, i spent my life seeing who would correct me and it wasnt suprising.
I was told a long time ago your true friends will be honest with you, especially if it's not something that will hurt your feelings really bad.
So this life long joke of "kansaw" was only ever corrected by boyfriends, best friends, and family. Others were people thinking i meant "warsaw" in which i frantically said oh no no no!
I made a point to be say this one main line like "omg can a tornado in kansaw just suck me out of this"
"Maybe i should move to Kansaw where its just wind and tornadoe shelters"
I tried to make it come up organically as possible though.
But the other times where people said nothing, some of these people good friends, now have a joke behind my back but i had it behind their backs first....
Life is fun
“This is rare, I like seeing things well done.”
I’m tired of seeing “Hey OP, I slept with your mom last night!” every time I post something on Reddit.
I shouldn’t have told my dad what my username was.
I decided not to buy a baguette after seeing a pathetic mock up of it in the bakery window.
It was a terrible roll model.
After seeing this I will always remember the spelling of psychotherapist but I hope I won't give spaces between Psycho The Rapist 😂😂😂
I measure the success of my puns by seeing how angry they make people.
“Doctor, I keep seeing an inspect buzzing around me!”
He laughed and reassured me, “Don’t worry! That’s just a bug that’s going around.”
I’ve been seeing less and less of my wife lately.
She says she has Anorexia
When it’s time to part, I hate seeing my loved ones go.
It’s even worse with fives, tens and twenties.
Dadjoked the girl I've been seeing lately
Her: Your beard is growing on me.
Me: No, it's growing on me.
I started seeing a psycho-therapist...
He killed a bunch of people. Now I just see a regular therapist.
An exchange I remember seeing in a cartoon or movie a long time ago
I don't remember what it's from, but I do remember that the scene involved a squad of soldiers with their sergeant coming across the enemy, and it went like this:
Sergeant: Fire at will!
Private: Uh, who's Will?
Sergeant: Just shoot, you idiot!
I need dating advice. I've been seeing this woman for about three weeks.
Recently, she started closing her curtains...
I am a Chemist, and the girl I’m seeing is an archeologist.
After seeing a palm reader, I gave him my money.
He held the note up to the light and frowned. "This is fake," he said.
I said, "Now you know what it feels like."
I put on my shoes today and started seeing all these colors
I think they were laced or something
Plumber came around after I blocked the toilet too bad. He left shortly after seeing the mess.
I hope he wasn’t too de-turd.
I'm seeing double, double double!
It's an octuple illusion!
I was seeing a Dutch girl once who had an obsession with inflatable shoes.
It was going really well until she popped her clogs.
I told my wife I was seeing other women.
She told me to stop taking LSD before bed.
I like seeing when a couple of nice seabirds find each other...
One good tern deserves another.
I'm seeing a shrink because I keep beating myself up.
Turns out my therapist is my old high school bully. He says he can help me with that.
In my twenties, I used to live on a houseboat, and started seeing the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
When I was in college, I used to live in a houseboat and started seeing the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
My wife and I are planning a trip to San Francisco to finally fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in person.
She asked me, “What are you going to do when you see it?”
I said, “Let’s cross that bridge when we get there.”
I lived in a houseboat for a while, and started seeing the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
My wife and I are going on a trip to San Francisco to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing the Golden Gate in person.
She said, “ What are you going to do when you finally see it?”
I said, “Let’s cross that bridge when we get there.”
My wife and I are finally visiting San Francisco to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing the Golden Gate in person.
Her: What would you do when we see it?
Me: Let’s cross that bridge when we get there.
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