What's round, long and jokes around all of the time?
This year, my friend decided to play his string instrument with a neck and a deep round back enclosing a hollow cavity, with a sound hole in the body at the voting booths...
He was arrested for ear poll-lute-tion.
I called up Weight Watchers, told them there was an emergency and asked for them to send someone round!
Turns out they’ve got loads of them!
What's round and bad-tempered?
Had a painter and decorator round this week. He's a furloughed airline pilot...
He made a lovely job of the landing!
I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards.
I'm sure that must have been a record.
What's white, round and giggles?
I called round at my neighbour's house early one morning and she opened the door in her nightie.
I thought, "That's a funny place for a door."
My wife and I were stuck in traffic, and I said, “I’m turning round”.
She said, “Stop eating so many burgers then”.
What's black and white and goes round and round ?
A penguin in a revolving door
What if the earth was both round and flat?
Would it be called cylindearth?
Making my morning rounds in hospital when I ask a patient how his breakfast was. "The eggs and sausage were fine, but the Kentucky Jelly was awful," he replied. "What 'Kentucky Jelly'?" I ask.
Then he shows me the empty packet of KY Jelly had smeared all over his morning toast.
Round and Round, Round and Round
Just got back from the supermarket - there was a guy rushing round the shop who had brought 15kg of paella rice, 5 cases of tequila, 8 sombreros and 12 piñatas.
I thought to myself, Hispanic buying.
A sheepdog tells the farmer he's going to round up the sheep and comes back with 50 sheep and the farmer says "We only have 48 sheep."
The dog replies "I said I was going to round them up,"
If you are ever working on being more decisive and find yourself wanting to get a tuba, a trombone, and a round-bottomed dish - but you can only afford two of them and the dish will fit under your shirt - just remember:
Take the bowl, buy the horns .
What is brown, and runs round the garden?
I walked in on a gathering of knights sitting at a round table and eating pie.
I found the Sir conference.
The wheels on the bus went ‘round and ‘round for years...
My doctor told me I was out of shape. I looked at him defiantly and said "Round is a shape!"
So I was in class and my teacher said money makes the world go round
What's round and holds your pants up?
I just bought a round of shots for everybody, but they're being totally ungrateful and saying they don't even have tetanus.
A farmer came up to me and said, "I have 68 sheep, can you round them up for me?"
Winter is almost over and spring is just round the corner.
If you spin an Oriental guy around and round...
Would he become disoriented?
Two wind turbines were standing in a field. One of them turns round and asks “What’s your favourite type of music?”. The other replies...
“Well I’m a big metal fan”
What US state is round at the ends and high in the middle?
A man walked into the bar and ordered everyone a round thinking he owned the place.
He was just trying to call the shots.
So my dog messed up and I told him to give himself a round of applause...
and then I thought, "well for you, it'd be a round of a-paws"
It was my father's funeral today and my brother has been going round all the guests trying to tell them about his new fish and herbs recipe...
I eventually pulled him over and said "c'mon dude, there's a thyme and a plaice" but this is not it!
What's round on the end and hi in the middle?
My friend, his Father and I were about to sit down to eat some pasta when he asked "forks all round?"
To which I replied "No, they're the pointy ones."
My buddy told me the cheese he brought round was philosophical and laid back...
The packet said 'deep & mellow'.
Just had a painter and decorator round, hes a furloughed Virgin Atlantic pilot.
He made a lovely job of the landing....
My wife and I were stuck in traffic. I said, “I’m turning round.”
She said, “I know. Stop eating bacon.”
After being stuck in traffic for an hour, I turned to my wife and said, “That’s it. I’m turning round.”
She said, “Then stop eating so many cheeseburgers.”
My wife and I were stuck in traffic for a long time. Frustrated, I looked at her and said, “I’m turning round.”
She said, “I know. Stop eating so much bacon.”
What's the only US State that's round on both sides, and high in the middle?
When my dad was quizing me on Geography: Which US state is round on the sides and high in the middle?
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