Roomies Puns

So we've sat down to have our pizzas after an adventure to get them both, when he's commenting on how 'odd' his order turned out.

Couple minuets later, he's offering the rest of the pizza to me, saying he can't handle the sauce.

"Oh? You must like reposts then, if you can't handle the sauce."

He just stood there for a moment, then did the looong, slow sigh.

  Because it's a roomy nation!

  ("Rumination" ... cows are ruminants ... bahaha)

On the weekends, my roomie and I head to the cleaners to do our laundry. We were folding our clothes and towels away when he commented on how fancy I fold my towels, similar to how some hotels chains have theirs folded. He asked where I learned to fold towels like that when I said "Oh, its just a natural towel-lent of mine"

Sitting in a theater

Roomie: Hey, you mind moving over a seat?

I move over and pause for a few seconds

Me: I feel like we aren't as close as we used to be.

My roommate isn't a fan of reading. "It's a waste of time," according to him, so he prefers movies. After finishing a movie today he told me it happened to be based on real events, saying he might have to look it up. The following was our IM.

Me: Neat, that sounds like a good read, yeah?

Roomie (b/c the movie had a sex scene): But words don't have tits, so there's one problem, lol

Me: Lord. Maybe you should try reading some smut sometime. It's puts on sunglasses titillating! Yyyyeeaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!

Roomie: Guh. Awful

I think I owe him a pint, now.

Watching the news with my two roommates. Story on about a woman allegedly offering sexual favors in exchange for food stamps.

Rommate 1: Seriously, selling yourself for food stamps?

Me: Produce-tituion

Roomie 2: facepalms

Roomie 1: Well she wont have to worry about getting any meats at least.

Roomie 2: Double facepalms