Robert Eures Puns

Sources: SiePomaga.pl and SportoweFakty.WP.pl

Lightning in Cyprian's head is not a mysterious phenomenon but casual epilepsy attacks, drugs do not work on this. Part of the brain had to be cut off. Sounds unbelievable?

Martyna Gaweł (Cyprian's mom): - One day woman from foundation called, because one helper wanted to anonymously fill in the missing amount and paid 100,000 PLN (out of 400 000 PLN needed). He would just like to ask if he can visit Cyprian after surgery. Of course we agreed. After all, the lady called us once again and said that this anonymous helper is Robert Lewandowski. And he asks if he can come.

Screenshot of Lewandowski donation

The captain of the Polish national team visited Cyprian in a German clinic, talked to his parents, gave the child a Munich Bayern t-shirt, a ball with a signature and other gadgets. They all took family photos. Cyprian was still deeply suffering, not fully available. Now he is holding presents in a slightly crumpled red club bag and he is watching them like an eye in his head.

On November 30, 2016, the doctors opened the Cyprian's skull. The operation was not easy, but the same day the boy was transferred from the post-operative room to intensive therapy. He was awakened. He began to move his legs and hands. He started speaking. After removing the dressing, it turned out that the seam was really long. A large area of the skull had to be cut out to remove the affected part of the brain.

Robert Lewandowski gave Cyprian a T-shirt, in which he scored the winning goal at the Atlético de Madrid in the Champions League (Bayern won 1: 0). The match took place on Tuesday 6 December 2016 - the same day (one week after the operation), when Martyna thought she was losing Cyprian, because the brain decided to attack the last time. Lewandowski at the stadium in Munich took the ball, put it under the shirt, put his thumb in his mouth and told the whole world that he would be a father himself in a surge of joy.

Cyprian is a real hero not only for his parents, but also for other children struggling with drug-resistant epilepsy. His example shows how much medicine goes forward and that such kids do not h

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

I guess the concept didn't work

tl;dr: I measured a bunch of stats about novelties.

What is a novelty? A novelty is that exciting moment when a move is played that takes the game from a position that has been seen in previous games to a position that hasn't been seen before. One might say that this brings us to a completely new game.

If you think about this definition ("a move that takes the game from a known position to an unknown position"), you'll realize it means games can have multiple novelties. This is because after a game has reached a new position, it's possible to transpose back to a position which has been encountered in the past. And from there the game may proceed to another unknown position.

Let's call the number of novelties in a game its "Agadmator Index". Novelties are exciting, so perhaps games with a high Agadmator index will be exciting. We can measure some related stats, while we're at it - like which famous chess players play the most novelties.

What game has the highest Agadmator index?

Before uncovering the spoilers - take a guess. What do you think is the most novelties to occur in any one game?

Here are the three games with the highest Agadmator indices:

1. Rozen, Eytan v Efroimski, Marsel (2021.3.15, event: 40th ch-ISR 2021 @ Haifa ISR, round 9.12)

   This 233 move game, a Sicillian, has an Agadmator index of >!32!<. The first novelty occurs on 14... Rd8, where black adds pressure on the d file. The >!31!< remaining novelties occur in the endgame. After move 68, white has a queen and 3 pawns vs black's queen and 2. White tries to convert his advantage, but another capture doesn't occur until move 218. That's 150 moves later! Ultimately black defends to a draw.

   The novelties occur on these half-moves: [28; 139; 141; 169; 171; 175; 177; 211; 237; 245; 247; 258; 273; 275; 293; 296; 300; 310; 314; 317; 319; 323; 331; 336; 339; 343; 355; 375; 387; 395; 454; 459]. (To convert a half-move index to a move number, add 1 and divide by 2 - so 28 becomes the first novelty at move 14.5, black's 14th move).

2. Girya, Olga v Stefanova, Antoaneta (2017.10.23, event: ch-EUR Women Blitz 2017 @ Monaco MNC, round 3.4)

   Agadmator index: >!26!<.

3. Okhotnik, Vladimir v Wittmann, Walter

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

He lost May

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Hier gepostet, weil auf r/de als irrelevant entfernt. Der nachfolgende Text ist eine rein persönliche Einschätzung.

Ab morgen ist mit Molnupiravir (Handelsname Lagevrio) das erste orale (=Tablette) Mittel zur Verhinderung eines schweren COVID-19-Verlaufs über Apotheken in Deutschland erhältlich. Man braucht ein ärztliches Rezept. Ähnliches wird wahrscheinlich bald auch für Paxlovid gelten, das augenscheinlich noch bessere Ergebnisse als Molnupiravir erzielt.

Molnupiravir reduzierte das Risiko für einen schweren Verlauf von COVID-19 in der Zulassungsstudie um knapp 50%. Dass man geimpft ist, ist bei einer Durchbruchinfektion explizit kein Grund gegen die Anwendung von Molnupiravir. Die Anwendung muss innerhalb vom fünf Tagen nach Symptombeginn eingeleitet werden (wenn keine Symptome bislang, nach PCR-Test gerichtet). Der Verlauf muss bislang ein milder gewesen sein, sobald ein Patient schon zusätzlichen Sauerstoff benötigt, ist es zu spät.

Die STAKOB (die unbekannte Cousine der STIKO) definiert als Patientengruppen, für die Molnupiravir in Frage kommt:

• Adipositas (BMI >30)
• Alter >60 Jahre,
• COPD und andere chronische Lungenerkrankung (Spoiler: Damit ist nicht das bisschen Asthma beim Joggen mit einmal Salbutamol gemeint, schlecht kontrolliertes schweres Asthma hingegen schon eher sowie z.B. Lungenhochdruck, Lungenfibrose)
• Diabetes mellitus
• schwere kardiale Erkrankung (allen voran Herzinsuffizienz)
• chronische Niereninsuffizienz
• aktive Krebserkrankung
• andere Risikofaktoren
• Für Immunsupprimierte wird im Einzelfall abgewogen, ob monoklonale Antikörper oder Molnupiravir besser ist.

Du bist coronapositiv oder wahrscheinlich coronapositiv oder eine Dir nahestehende Person und Du gehörst zu einer dieser Gruppen? Wie kommt man nun an das Mittel:

1. Wendet Euch an den a) Hausarzt von euch bzw.. der erkrankten Person, b) Facharzt, der die Vorerkrankung, die die Indikation bedingt behandelt oder c) den Arzt, der die PCR anforderte, falls eine schon vorliegt.

Relativ einfach und idiotensicher, wenn der Hausarzt oder Facharzt mitspielt. Das ist davon abhängig, wie gut informiert er ist über a) das Mittel überhaupt, b) die Indikation dafür (=wer braucht es?) und c) wie man an das Mittel rankommt. Der Hausarzt hat i.d.R. die beste Informationslage über den Patienten und sieht die Vorbefunde/Vordiagnosen, die das Mittel für den Patienten erforderlich macht. Die meisten positiven PCR-Abstriche laufen üb

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Put it on my bill

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

Calcium, nickel, neon

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

[removed]

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors”

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.