My grandfather recalled the time when he was trapped in a bunker, and explosions were landing right above his head.

He said it was the most violent golf course he ever attended.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Last time I flew my plane a Navy pilot checked his speed right after me. Ground said he was doing 761 mph.

Knot gonna lie I think he was mach-ing me.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MahlonMurder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
The first time I saw her, at her honey stall at the farmers market, I knew right away...

...she was a keeper.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hover-lovecraft
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
The greatest baseball player ever was a guy named Hugh McBealy, and he was most famous for every single time he came to the plate knocking the ball high over right field and into the stands.

He scored a home run every single at bat, and always the exact same way. Way over right field, too high for anyone to reach, and it always landed in exactly the 17th row of the stands, give or take a couple feet.

He earned the nickname β€œthe machine” for how consistently he hit the exact same spot every time. Right field, 17th row, every single time. He did this for 20 years before he retired. Tickets to the 2-3 seats that the ball always landed on sold for over $2k a pop by the time he retired because you were guaranteed at least a couple home run balls.

And the day he retired a reporter asked him β€œHow does it feel to be retiring as the greatest hitter of all time?”

Hugh just looked at the reporter puzzled. β€œWhat do you mean?” He said.

The reporter clarified β€œliterally over 5,000 times you went to the plate and hit a home run to right field, 17th row of the stands!”

Hugh looked dejected and disappointed β€œyeah, my greatest failure...”

β€œWhat do you mean?” Said the reporter incredulously.

Hugh let’s out a long sigh, and looked down at the ground quietly for a moment before finally speaking.

β€œI’ve been aiming left this whole time”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Frnklfrwsr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Now is definitely not the right time to start surrounding yourself with positive people.
πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_simplepotato_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Whenever I say something, I’m right 98% of the time

The other 3% is when I do math

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Did I do this right? I tried to do a name pun for the first time
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/multi-fandom-sav
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A family was out hunting and the mother said it was time to go. The father replied, I’ll be right there, let me just...

shoulder this bird, hun.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a joke about grocery stores but now is not the right time to tell it

I think aisle tell it later

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve started growing herbs in my garden. To help identify them i’m growing them in alphabetical order. My neighbour asked me, how you find the time. I said, easy, it’s right here next to the sage.
πŸ‘︎ 281
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mcleodpirate
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I remember the time my parents revoked my PlayStation rights.

I was inconsolable.

πŸ‘︎ 658
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slightlyaw_kward
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2017
🚨︎ report
Thanks to my dedication, my watch always has the right time. It's never been wrong.

Not on my watch.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/An0N-3-M0us3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Every time I draw a pun I think "Thats it, the dumbest one, yet." I'm always right.
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EvenBetterCool
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2018
🚨︎ report
98% of the time. I am right...

Why worry about the other half?

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
🚨︎ report
[OC] At what time of day can a photographer get the perfect picture? When can they get just the right angle?

Either 3:00 or 9:00

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kierkegaard_Soren
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I have observed that people who always turn right are invariably on time.

They're clockwise.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scardeal
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
That time I beat my dad at his own game. In the middle of a heated lecture about not joining my friends' shenanigans, dad said, "Two wrongs don't make a right."

"Two Wrights do make an airplane."

"I'm proud of you. You're still grounded though."

πŸ‘︎ 93
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JustJosh724
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
🚨︎ report
By the time a man realizes that his father was right..

...he has a son who thinks he’s wrong...

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2017
🚨︎ report
Every time Louisville School for the blind. (It's right by my house).

Dad: "Hey, did you see that blind guys dog?"

Me: "No?"

Dad: "Neither did he!!!"

dad chuckle

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/adevore
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2013
🚨︎ report
Right place, right time

We were in a cafe in the little town of Sandwich, Cape Cod while we were on our vacation. I waited for my order and my dad was already drinking his coffee and enjoying his bagel when he looked up and said:

> Dad: I think your order is nearly ready, it smells like sandwich. >
> Me: Well, the whole town smells like sandwich.

He actually laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealJoL
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2014
🚨︎ report
Coworker pulled a dad joke at the right time

After running diagnostics on a clients computer it comes back with a RAM integrity error.

One coworker says its a lying cheating stick of RAM

another one says It may be lying and cheating... but come November I'm voting for it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CoreyLee04
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2014
🚨︎ report
Every time I do something right

For as long as I can remember, my dad has used a single punch-line every time I do something right or say anything even mildly intelligent.

me doing something right Dad: Has anyone told you you're a fart smeller?snicker I mean smart feller.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/monkeysawu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.