Remember when air was free at the gas station, now itโs $1.50. You know why?
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︎ Jul 22 2020
I entered my sons room and said, "Remember, boy, masturbating can make you go blind."
"I'm over here dad." He replied.
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︎ Jul 27 2020
I remember the last words my grandfather ever said to me. He said โYou selfish boy!โ
Not long after that, I became a fishmonger.
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︎ Jul 31 2020
Do you all remember being in the back yard and dad pushing you in the tire swing?
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︎ Jun 24 2020
Do you remember hearing your first dad joke? Is there one that has stuck with you through the years?
Mine was about 20 years ago, I was 17 at the time and going to my gfโs sisters house for dinner with her family. We brought some things to help with dinner. As weโre walking up to the house carrying the cookware, her dad looks back and says, โhey, now that youโre walking the wok, can you talk the talk?โ. Not sure why but Iโll never forget that. Still makes me chuckle to this day. Whatโs yours?
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︎ May 26 2020
With summer almost here ond COVID-19 putting restrictions everywhere, please remember that you can't run through a campground.
You can only ran, because it's past tents.
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︎ Jun 15 2020
Remember the good old days, before the pandemic? It used to be you could meet new people, maybe even fall in love and get married.
Now Iโm just dating myself
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︎ Apr 22 2020
Will you remember me joke. Needs 2 people to work.
"Will you remember me in a day?"
"Yes I will"
"Will you remember me in a week?"
"Yes I will"
"Will you remember me in a year?"
"Yes I will"
"Ok let me tell you a joke...knock knock..."
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︎ Apr 10 2020
Man UFO Israel you can see they are caught on tape. (Caught on tape is taken from a post from this r/ but I don't remember u/ name from 2018)
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︎ Mar 20 2020
If you are ever working on being more decisive and find yourself wanting to get a tuba, a trombone, and a round-bottomed dish - but you can only afford two of them and the dish will fit under your shirt - just remember:
Take the bowl, buy the horns .
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︎ Apr 12 2020
Remember, you can't teach an old dog new tricks
But you can teach old people dog tricks.
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︎ Apr 13 2020
What do you call a comedian who canโt remember the punchline
Idk Iโm the one whoโs asking
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︎ Jul 07 2019
Here you have some cocaine, but remember
With great powder comes great responsability
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︎ Feb 17 2020
On his deathbed, my grandfather said, โRemember these two words. Itโll open a lot of doors for you in life.โ
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︎ Mar 23 2019
Remember when you could go to gas stations and put air in your tires for free? Now itโs $1.75! You know why?
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︎ Nov 01 2019
For those hoarding mouthwash: Remember that you should never flush Listerineยฎ down the toilet.
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︎ Mar 19 2020
Just remember that youโre unique...
โฆ just like everybody else ๐
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︎ Apr 04 2020
โชDo you guys remember when Shakespeare was trying to remember if his friend lived in 2B or not 2B?
The embarrassing thing is he was in the wrong hamlet. โฌ
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︎ Feb 07 2020
If you can't find your pens or pencils and you really need to write something down remember that old saying...
Where there's a quill there's a way.
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︎ Feb 20 2020
Do you remember that joke I told you about my spine?
It was about a weak back!!
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︎ Jan 31 2020
My son wanted some girl advice, so I told him, โIf you are intimidated by a date, remember one thing.โ
They are just big raisins.
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︎ Dec 12 2018
If you help someone who is in trouble he'll remember you
when he's in trouble again
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︎ Jan 23 2020
If a mob of clowns ever try to rob you then remember to go for their jugglers first
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︎ Oct 04 2019
Hey Dad, remember you told me when you were young you used to love blowing bubbles?
Yes son I do.
Me: Well he's back in town and he's looking for you
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︎ Sep 15 2019
Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, โIโll give you a reason to cry!?"
I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.
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︎ Feb 18 2018
Honey make sure you remember to get bread from the shop
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︎ Dec 02 2019
What do you call a Mexican who cannot remember where he parked?
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︎ Jan 29 2019
โDad, do you remember the name of Sherlockโs friend?โ
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︎ Sep 07 2019
May the 4th be with you for today, but remember....
Tomorrow will be Revenge of the 5th
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︎ May 04 2019
Did you remember your bag dad?
Yes, because Iraq.
Weak I know but my wife is quite proud of it.
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︎ Sep 02 2019
If you are watching The Lion King tonight, just remember that the urge to sing the lion sleeps tonight is just...
A whim away, a whim away a whim away a whim away a whim away
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︎ Sep 18 2019
When ever you are feeling powerless, remember just one of you pubic hairs can shut down a Resturaunt!
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︎ Jun 27 2019
Do you remember what happened in 1997?
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︎ Oct 09 2018
Whenever you wanna join the airforce, just remember one thing...
You can never VTOL enough
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︎ Jun 12 2019
If you're ever feeling lonely, just remember...
๐︎ 41
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︎ Apr 01 2019
Do you guys remember that 'One Hit Wonder' Gotye guy?
One could say that he's now somebody that we used to know.
๐︎ 29
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︎ Feb 20 2019
Iโll always remember what my grandpa told me on his deathbedโHe said, โAlways make sure youโre not part of the problem...โ
โ..Try your best to be the whole problem.โ
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︎ May 23 2019
If you are ever feeling like you donโt know your place in the universe, just remember: You and the universe came from the same thing
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︎ Sep 18 2018
I canโt seem to remember what happens to a tree after you cut it down.
๐︎ 27
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︎ Nov 08 2018
If you ever download a game, remember to rate it 3.14 stars!
You wouldn't want to pirate a game and forget to pi-rate it.
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︎ Feb 08 2019
There's one important thing that you should always remember
๐︎ 10
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︎ Mar 31 2019
Remember when plastic surgery was taboo? Now you can say botox.
And nobody raises an eyebrow.
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︎ Feb 05 2019
Remember, everything you try to find is in the last place you look.
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︎ Jan 26 2019
Do you remember the 21st night of September?
I remember it like it was yesterday.
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︎ Sep 22 2018
If you get cold in winter remember to stand in the corner of the room
๐︎ 2
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︎ Jan 20 2019
You know why no one can remember being in the womb?
Because of the amnesia-atic fluid.
>Guaranteed current dad and soon to be grandpa joke as I just overheard my dad inform my brother and his pregnant wife.
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︎ Dec 25 2018
Do you remember how fun it was blowing bubbles as a kid?
Heโs back in town and wants your number
๐︎ 6
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︎ Dec 03 2018
Do you remember any rock jokes?
I can remember a few gneiss ones.
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︎ Nov 06 2018
Remember, if you ever get lost in the desert, ...
You can always eat the sand which is there
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︎ Nov 09 2018
If you can't remember where you put your boomerang, just wait a minute...
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︎ Jul 25 2018
As we were pulling out of our driveway and I was adjusting the mirrors, I said to my wife, "It's important to remember, there's side view, rear view and you know what else?"
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︎ Jun 12 2018
Her: Do you remember the guy with a combover named Jack?
Me: Why on earth would a guy give his combover a name?
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︎ May 29 2018
Do you remember that movie on concussions?
It really impacted my mind
Said by my mother, but my father caught the pun!
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︎ Jun 09 2016
Do you remember that joke about the forgetful comedian?
๐︎ 16
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︎ Jun 07 2017
PSA: Remember, Irish puns on St. Patrick's Day don't just shame you. They Seamus all.
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︎ Mar 17 2017
"You will always remember this day as the happiest day of your life."
"But the wedding isn't until tomorrow, dad."
"I know son..."
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︎ Sep 08 2017
Do you guys remember when this was posted in /r/dadjokes
๐︎ 15
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︎ May 26 2017
Don't let your worries get the best of you, rememberโฆ
Moses started out as a basket caseโฆ
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︎ Aug 07 2017
Can you guys help me remember how to throw a boomerang?
Never mind, it came back to me.
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︎ Jun 23 2015
How do you remember the word for pool in French...
Because its something you "piscine"
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︎ Aug 02 2016
Remember, when you go to Pakistan...
...make sure to pack a stan!
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︎ Nov 26 2016
Remember, while you're taking photos of all the costumes tonight, be sure to keep your camera in...
๐︎ 10
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︎ Nov 01 2016
For Those of You Who Remember High School Math
If you play with complex conjugates,
you'll shoot your i out.
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︎ Oct 31 2013
Do you guys remember that guy who was hit by a meteorite?
I bet now he wishes it was a meteoleft.
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︎ Oct 25 2016
If you find yourself struggling at basic chemistry, simply remember...
๐︎ 5
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︎ Nov 03 2010
"Do you remember that guy who worked at the mushroom factory?"
"How could I forget? He was such a fun guy!"
Best said out loud.
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︎ Nov 28 2013
Do you guys remember when Michael Bay appeared on a thread here in this sub?
The thread really blew up.
๐︎ 4
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︎ Feb 08 2015
" So that you remember our troops this holiday season, here's an infant tree."
http://m.imgur.com/diy3i2m
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︎ Dec 01 2013
On his deathbed, my grandfather said, โRemember these two words. Itโll open a lot of doors for you in life.โ
โPushโ and โPullโ.
๐︎ 13
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︎ Feb 17 2020
Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, โIโll give you a reason to cry!"
I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.
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︎ May 01 2019
On his deathbed, my grandfather said, โRemember these two words. It will open a lot of doors for you in life.โ
๐︎ 14
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︎ Jun 14 2019
Always remember - youโre unique
๐︎ 25
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︎ Mar 03 2019
The one thing that you should remember...
The one thing you should remember is, uh... oh shoot I forgot!
๐︎ 2
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︎ Mar 05 2019
Will you remember me in a year?
"Yes."
"Will you remember me in a month?"
"Yes."
"Will you remember me in a week?"
"Yes."
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
โSee you forgot me alreadyโ
๐︎ 2
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︎ Jan 04 2018
If you're ever attacked by a mob of clowns, remember this...
๐︎ 17
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︎ May 15 2017
Remember when you were little and used to blow bubbles?
Me: "Yeah, why?"
Dad: "Well he's back in town and wants your number!"
๐︎ 6
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︎ Jan 15 2015
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