Being alone and have no one to prank..
...is a real pun-ishment.
I'm a nice guy, and I love wordplay...
But everyone around me says I give off a real pun gent smell
Pippin: "I'm Pippin. It's not my real name, it's just a nickname."
Elrond: "What's Pippin short for?"
Gandalf: "He's a Hobbit."
Only the real ones will get this.
My brother swears up and down that cows aren’t real
I just found out Albert Einstein was a real person!
All this time I thought he was a theoretical physicist!
How can anyone think the Academy Awards are real?
I watched it and it’s obvious that everyone there is a paid actor!!!
I did it, my first real dad joke..
today while carrying our child(10m) in a bodycarrier at a Viking fair, a shop owner asked if I was using one of thoes new 3d printed shirts, and right there I knew it was my time to shine
I said." while yes, it takes about 9 months to print."
the look on his face was priceless, took a few revolutions but then he just look a bit defeated..
GF's look was a mix of headshaking and laughter...
When is a knock-off better than the real thing?
Getting real tired of all the sub politics.
The captain and first officer nearly sank us over an argument.
Breaking news: The cast of Friends have all made it back to shore alive after an incident where they got stuck at sea. Matt Le Blanc was quoted saying “The engines blew up, and none of us had any real experience with sailing, but it was okay...
How did the pirate get his ship so cheap?
Today’s Argyle Sweater for August 26th, 2021 is a real treat!
I went to my first orgy the other day, it was a real cluster fuck
Some people say, “Potato, potahto” as if theres no real difference , but in my opinion…
Theres a STARCH difference.
What is The Weeknd's real name?
To the guy who invented zero...
You know Bruce Lee was fast, but he had an even faster brother...
saw this license plate at the doctor’s office today. i thought it was real generic or should i say janeric. ha✌️
Real ground breaking things(saw this at college)
I knew this guy who was a real motherfucker....
A little real life back and forth that happened with me and my 12 year old
Reposting as I didn’t have enough karma, hopefully I do now 🤞🏻
Just happened in real time and I need to tell my people
My son came downstairs and said: I can’t believe that Michael Bay directed Transformers and a Nightmare on Elm Street!
Me: Have you heard about his uncle?
Son: Who’s his uncle?
Me: Old Bay
Son: 🤦🏼♂️
My husband was a real peach tonight.
.
Usually he’s a nectarine, but he forgot to shave this morning.
It's easy to fall in love with a taser if it hits you
They really are quite stunning
You should always upvote a joke about Peter Pan, even if you have heard it before.
Gaslighting isn’t even real
Those people are just crazy.
Have you seen that movie about farts yet?
My dad passed today. Posting this for him
To clarify, he is a soccer player
Don't worry, he's still alive and kicking
Edit: I just wanted to thank everyone for the awards, and the upvotes
Sorry if anyone found this offensive ⚽️
My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making Star Wars puns
I guess divorce is strong with this one...
My real-estate agent said that my new apartment has a square yard...
To my surprise the apartment was only 9 square feet.
Do real estate agents prefer decaf tea or non decaf tea?
The number nine isn’t real
The Argyle Sweater for 7/24 and 7/25/21 is a real stretch!
I just woke up from a dream! There was an ocean of orange pop! I thought it was real.
But when I woke up I realized it was just a Fanta Sea.
The heat this summer has been a real drag.
I guess that’s what people mean by “summer camp.”
My son just ate a whole tin of alphabeti spaghetti and now has diarrhea.
Hes has some bad vowel movements.
My wife said she was gonna jump in the shower real quick
I told her just stand there and let the water hit you, it's much safer.
What was the real reason Richard Nixon was impeached and resigned?
Because he was such a Dick.
People often accuse me of being "a plagiarist."
Today I learned that Albert Einstein was a real person.
I had always thought he was a theoretical physicist.
I just learned that Albert Einstein was a real person.
All this time I thought he was a theoretical physicist.
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