Why did the DJ buy a puppy?

So he could raise the roof.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2021
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Why did the quiet man buy a convertible?

Sometimes he liked to raise the roof!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Keithninety
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2021
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How much does an awning cost?

Nothing it’s on the house.

But I’ll give you this. The price for a roof is far more expensive because it depends on how much a company is ceiling it for, and how much they are willing to raise it.

Honestly I can go on and on about the chimney though. It’s through the house and shooting for the sky! And with the added fireplace the price is absolutely burning.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/5x13
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2021
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Early morning work groans are the best groans

A little too proud of this one...

So I’m on my usual Tuesday morning conference call with a bunch of vendors, coworkers, bosses, etc...

With his dog barking in the background one of my bosses chimes in and says β€œJust so you all know, I’m on the call but I’m outside right now having my roof looked at so I might be a little distracted”.

I couldn’t resist... With the instincts of a wild puma plotting against it’s poor defenseless prey, I pounce...

β€œIs your dog lookin at it?

Cuz he keeps saying ROOF!!! ROOF ROOF!!!”

I was immediately rewarded with a spectacular cacophony of groans and β€œthat was awful”’s... It was glorious. I’m pretty sure I’ll get another promotion for it.

EDIT: So... no promotion... but in a pure, hilarious coincidence, I actually DID just get the news that I'm finally getting that raise they promised me at my last review. Too fuckin funny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OreoGaborio
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2018
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How does construction workers party ?

They raise the roof.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/masprocas
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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One day i found a ceiling tile

On the ground cry so i took it home and fed it and loved it as my child. When the tile moved out I was alone and asked myself "what do I do now my whole life was about raising the roof"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sherrerluck
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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Did you go to the construction party?

We raised the roof.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
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The Cheerio story

So once upon a time, there was a planet shaped like a cheerio. A small moon made of milk or tied the planet, going through the center of the donut shaped world. On this planet, lived an interesting species. They acted and lived similarly to us humans? But looked just like large Cheerios (with footings hands and feet like miis) Within this society there were levels of Cheerios: original, honey nut, and finally frosted. The originals were the backbone of the economy, doing the herd labor while the honey nuts ran the businesses and the frosted Cheerios (the top of the top) led the world. Our story today focuses on a single Cheerio. Born into an original Cheerio family, this lad learned the hard way how to work. From a young age, he was forced to get a job in the local milk refinery, where his dad worked. He grew up, and soon had a family of his own. His wife, son, and daughter all worked hard, but were happy. One day walking home from school, the kids found a runaway honey nut Cheerio pup, and decided to keep him. It wasn’t much, but it inspired our little Cheerio friend here. One day, he got fed up with taking orders, and demanded a raise. His entire family has worked in this one factory for three generations, and he wanted to move up in the world, not just for him but also his kids. His old boss however, did not have the power to promote this Cheerio, and he was forced to make a life changing decision: he would go to the refinery company and use every penny in the family savings account (under the bed) to try and get a higher position. After waiting on line for over a week, his appoint was finally here. After bickering and bargaining for hours, the refinery company boss saw a spark in this lad’s eye. He agreed to give this Cheerio a promotion to the honored honey nut glaze in exchange for everything this man owned, including the family’s prized honey nut dog. Was it worth it? Well pretty soon he owned his own milk refinery and was able to breed his own honey nut dogs, so yes, yes it was. Owning and operating the refinery went smoothly. Milk was transported from the moon to the planet using space busses, and the milk itself was funneled down to the refineries using large straws. After the milk was ready to drink, it was shipped off to be sold. He was happy working here, but eventually he realized it wasn’t enough. This Cheerio, once a simple original Cheerio wanted to follow the β€œAmerican dream” and do the best he could. He wanted to become a frosted Ch

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackcrackaman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
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Are most rappers general contractors?

Because they’re always trying to raise the roof.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beerdrinkerguy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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Did you see those carpenters at the party last night?

They really knew how to raise the roof.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhapsodygreen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Noticed some construction workers putting the roof up on a new house...

A couple friends walked up to me...

"Guys you'll never guess what I just saw, it was crazy!"

"What?"

"I caught those construction workers partying really hard just a second ago"

"What? No way, really?!"

"Yeah, look at em. They're raising the roof.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrStrangeway
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2016
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How do construction workers party?

They raise the roof!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChingChongMan123
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2018
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