So my wife and I were sleeping...

And we have 2 jerk wad cats that get the zoomies nightly at around 3 am. They started chasing each other upstairs above our bedroom...

My wife: omg is there an elephant upstairs?

Me: shhhhhh....we dont talk about him.

Then I got hit with a pillow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alastrel3000
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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Out dad joked by my SO

Last night cuddling with my girlfriend and she says "I love lying here with you." I replied "I once caught a fish and it was 5 foot long and spoke Hebrew." She stared at me, confused. "OK, it's your turn to lie" I say. "Oh right I see. Ha ha very funny" was her reply. She pauses for a moment before rolling over. "That was my lie" she said.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ab1kenobe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2014
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What do two feathers talk about during the night?

It's mostly pillow talk

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwiddaHabitat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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My wife and I argued for hours about what pillows we should have for our bed.

It was all pillow talk though, nothing was thrown.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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Dad joke IRL

Laying in bed post-coitus. Me: So what did you say about naptime? Wife: I haven't said anything about naptime. Me: Like I said when you were talking about naptime... Wife: I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT NAPTIME!! Me: What do you mean? You just mentioned it twice! Her: hits me violently with a pillow I'm gonna smother you...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grandpathundercat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
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